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Any parents of five-year-olds?

(5 Posts)
Suspendersformybelief Mon 06-Mar-17 19:08:18

Sometimes I find myself thinking (probably over-thinking) about what goes on in my DD's head.

Me and her dad are divorced and she spends 2.5 days a week with him. She'll go through these little phases and I find I automatically attribute things to her living arrangements and the split (3 years ago).

I don't really know anybody with kids the same age but sometimes I might have a conversation with another parent from school and I'll realise that their kids are doing these things too and these phases are perfectly normal.

But sometimes, she seems really complex. I don't really know what I am asking but I was hoping that if I write some of the things thatget me thinking, other people with 5-year-olds might say "yep, that's normal!" (whatever normal is).

She started school in September and is doing really well, she's a smart little cookie. And she generally seems very happy, so that is the main thing.

She's become a bit obsessed with having secrets:
- She wants a secret diary with a lock on?! I thought that would be another 10 years away TBH.
- She loves to draw and practice writing and we often do it together. She's started to not want to say or show what she's drawing or writing
- She likes playing imaginary games that involve making wishes, she'll ask me what my wish is and I'll tell her, but she doesn't want to tell me what her wish is because it's a secret.

On the other hand, over the last few months, she's become quite clingy
- She seems to have lost any interest in playing by herself and at home, doesn't want to do anything unless I am with her
- It's become her mission to get me to allow her to sleep with me.Sometimes I'll wake upin the night andshe's already crept in. It's a squeeze as my DP (who's lived with us for a year) is there too, so I take her back to her bed.
- Bed-time has become quite challenging. She literally won't let go of the cuddle and begs me to stay with her and gets upset when I go. Apparently, she doesn't do this at her dads.
- She's started to ask me for help to wipe herself after a poo again. She doesn't do this at her dad's either.

- Sometimes, she'll just decide she's got a sore leg and will limp. I'll check her out and keep an eye on her but can't figure out anything wrong. Other people will say she is attention seeking, but she isn't short of attention so I wonder why she needs to do this.

- DP and I are thinking of TTC soon so I have slipped into conversation a couple of times about babies (nothing about me having one) She says she hates babies. We saw a baby in a restaurant last week and she said 'yuk, a baby!'
- She's decided she never wants to get married because when you're married you have to have babies. And she never wants her mummy to get married again either because she would have to be a bridesmaid. (I've never mentioned I might get remarried to her, but one day we'd like to)

- We'll be reading and she is very good at it, but if you try and help her with a word, that's it, she just won't do it anymore, it's game over.
- She's very very vocal about equal opportunities which staggers me sometimes! Although obviously it's good! But at any opportunity she will remind you that girls and boys are the same. Eg. We accidentally walked into the gents in a supermarket and I joked I could tell it wasn't the ladies because of the smell. Her response "you shouldn't say that mummy, boys and girls smell the same!" haha! But this goes for everything "mummies and daddies are the same" and she gets very passionate about it.

There's more but they're what spring to mind right now. Does any of it sound like there might be more of a deep rooted confusion about anything...? Am I being neurotic?

FFTransform Tue 07-Mar-17 17:41:49

Can't help with everything as different circumstances but my 5 year old is definitely into the secret diary with a lock on - out of the blue, though hasn't quite got the hang of keeping it very secret

Also although on one level is more even in her affection between me and dp after me definitely being her number one, was exaggerating being sick and eventually said she it was because wanted to stay home just with me, on the day she is allowed to bring in toys to nursery suggests she can bring me in!

I think she is getting a more sophisticated idea of personal space and different relationships which is exciting and scary at the same time

NotCitrus Tue 07-Mar-17 18:19:52

Sounds very similar to my 5yo - the girls at school get very into "secrets " but also know that they shouldnt keep secrets from parents, only surprises, so dd would tell me most of them anyway. School also tries to counter the "boys do this, girls do that" that the 4yos developed in nursery, so sometimes it gets a bit obsessive. And they want to do things their way and get very grumpy if it turns out they can't do things and need help - that's most 5yos IME.
And if there is going to be a baby, just mention it matter-of-factly then.

kenology Tue 07-Mar-17 20:15:05

I have a nearly 6yo and a lot of it sounds familiar. She has a secret diary with a special invisible pen you have to shine a light on to read. One of her friends wanted a secret diary for her birthday so pretty sure that sort of stuff is normal for this age group.

She also likes writing little stories and can be quite secretive and get annoyed if I try to look whilst she's writing, although she's keen for me to see the finished result.

She's also quite clingy including at bedtimes. It can be quite difficult sometimes trying to get housework or cooking done as she's demanding cuddles.

We also have had that she doesn't ever want to have babies!

So I think a lot of this is very normal and not necessarily anything to do with your split.

Ironwoman123 Tue 07-Mar-17 21:40:24

I have a 5 year old and so many of those things I thought "yep,yep,yep". He does a lot of it. Off the top of my head - wishes and not telling me, bedtime clinginess, not wanting to play alone, wiping bum

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