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Appropriate bed time for two year old

(51 Posts)
Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 11:43:44

I'm new to this and not being a parent myself, was hoping for some advice from mums. I just bought a semi-detached new build home and am experiencing terrible neighbour noise. Clearly, i've discovered new builds aren't soundproofed well and as a result i can hear every single noise from the neighbours child. I am woken in the middle of the night, 2am, 4.30am, 6am by the child screaming, i get ready for work to the sound of the child screaming anywhere between 7am-9am, i come home to the child screaming, it's never ending. The child turned two in November 2016 and I am just wondering at what age does a child establish a sleeping pattern and does not enough sleep contribute to a child's behaviour? What time does a two year old child usually go to bed at? I moved in to the house in November and the average time the child goes to bed is 8.30pm/9pm. Sometimes, however, it can be 10pm and even recently as 11pm. The parents usually work the child up as opposed to calming it down before bed, around half an hour before bed, we hear both the child and parents shouting, squealing, running around, kicking balls etc. I'm really sorry if i sound stupid, but as i'm not a parent, i genuinely don't know if this is normal behaviour. Unfortunately, i hear everything and i am thinking about selling next year as the noise is unbearable. I have to wear earplugs at night to stop the child wakening me through the night and first thing at weekends. Is this a case of 'terrible twos?' Will the child settle? Are the bedtimes i described above too late for a two year old? Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 28-Feb-17 17:55:10

Mine had lights out by 7pm but I was lucky in the fact that I was able to start the bedtime routine early. Some children aren't picked up from nursery until 6pm or later.

Sleeping through is a different matter. The child, like my eldest might have medical reasons for the wakings.

If you really can't stand the noise of children, it's probably best that you do move, to a detached smile

Batteriesallgone Tue 28-Feb-17 18:02:54

Well there's nothing you can do about it if mumsnet says 'oh yes it's too late' - is there?

I don't think it's particularly late. At that age they could be having one, or two naps in the day, and that will determine the amount of night sleep they need. Mine have been bad sleepers. They screamed a lot in the night if I wasn't there STRAIGHT AWAY. 2 was worse than newborn. They do grow out of it.

If you are going to move, best be to detach. Otherwise you might get a pregnant couple next door and have to go through it all from day 1 again....

Juveniledelinquent Tue 28-Feb-17 18:05:27

Alarm bells would ring for me if I heard a young child screaming that much. Is this a child protection issue?

SierraJensen Tue 28-Feb-17 18:11:44

I've tried and failed to get dd (2.5) to sleep much before that and she usually wakes once a night. She doesn't scream in the night, just asks to come in the big bed though! But she'll sometimes throw a tantrum getting her teeth brushed at night or getting dressed in the morning. I'm wondering what our neighbours must think now!

NerrSnerr Tue 28-Feb-17 18:16:18

My 2.5 year old goes to sleep about 9pm at the moment. On a rare day she doesn't nap it's more like 8.30. She's sometimes up in the night and cries but we go fairly quickly (some times she'll self settle so if she isn't sounding distressed we'll leave her for a bit).

I don't really think there's a normal.

You're not our neighbour's btw as we're not in a semi.

gtyrfctsrght Tue 28-Feb-17 18:17:12

Mine has always been bed at 7 from the start. It's crept later due to more stories etc but he's always down by 7.20/30.

I don't understand why people put their 2 year olds to bed at 8.30/9 as that's 'quiet time' for me, but each to their own.

I don't think that waking pattern and screaming is 'normal' but what is?

There's a chance the child could be SEN perhaps? If it bothers you that much then moving could be the only answer... as this child may calm down but they could go on to have more!

NerrSnerr Tue 28-Feb-17 18:20:43

Gtyr ours goes to bed 8.30-9pm because she will not sleep any earlier. Even if she's been up since 6am and not had a nap she will not go off. We have tried.

JamDonutsRule Tue 28-Feb-17 18:23:01

I've heard the convention in other countries is for much later bed times. Are they foreign?

Hgmother Tue 28-Feb-17 18:28:20

Mine (2.5) goes to bed between 5:30 and 6:30 but she hasn't napped in a year envy. The not going to bed thing wouldn't be suspicious to me but the screaming all night is a little worrying.. it could be a phase though, or it could be sick or have autism or a number of things? If you only hear the child and not the parents screaming at it or hitting it then I wouldn't worry. Might have to move though!

Dipsydora Tue 28-Feb-17 18:43:21

I have a 2 year old. She was 2 in September so a similar age. In bed 6.30-7pm wakes around 6am. She does sleep. From 4.40pm we are in dinner calm down, bath, story then bed mode. She sometimes runs around squiling pre story but 10min max. I have always been strict on bedtime as I need a break and sleep.

BettyBaggins Tue 28-Feb-17 19:09:20

I agree that it really doesn't matter what time the child goes to bed IF YOU are having to wear ear plugs in your own home. Arghhhh, t'would drive me literally mad. Sorry to say but move! I love old houses for 2 reasons and the sound factor is one!

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 19:12:46

@jamdonutsrule - yes, they actually are foreign, i think they are polish so this could be it!

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 19:16:32

@bettybaggins I did want an old house due to the thicker walls etc, but i suppose a new build at a good price was very tempting as a first time buyer! But absolutely i will be going for an older house next time 😊

wobblywonderwoman Tue 28-Feb-17 19:19:08

Mine are two and three. We have something to eat at six, they are in the bath now and will be in bed after stories at eight. They usually play with their teddies and with a night night and fall asleep around half eight. They rarely wake before eight in the morning.

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 19:24:04

Thank you all for your comments. I'm clueless as i have no children myself and i realise it must be very difficult for parents. It's just i bought this house expecting some noise obviously as it's a semi, but the noise i am hearing exceeded anything i imagined! I feel like i am not really living my own lifestyle if that makes sense. I just don't don't know that i'm happy about having to wear earplugs in my own home just to get some peace! And, as you have commented, if they were to have more children, i can't imagine what the noise level would increase to. I guess i will definitely have to consider another move! Thank you again everyone for responding, it's nice to hear other peoples viewpoints ☺

BettyBaggins Tue 28-Feb-17 19:35:09

Any chance you can have a friendly chat with them in the meantime? I really need a good sleep or it affects my mood rather drastically.

Soubriquet Tue 28-Feb-17 19:38:47

Mine (2 on Saturday, 4 at the end of the month) are both in bed by 6. They sleep through until 7 the next morning

That would drive me mad having to listen to all of that. Have it made them aware how noisy they are?

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 20:04:26

@bettybaggins I'm also not great with lack of sleep! As it's a child, i don't know how to approach the subject without causing offence. It would be different if it was loud music but just a child i feel is a more delicate issue. I don't want to seem insulting.

Batteriesallgone Tue 28-Feb-17 20:08:11

I knew people who lived in a 'detached' new build where there was just a thin sliver of air between the houses. And they could hear everything from their neighbours. Including when they shagged. If you're not tolerant of noise I'm not sure you'll ever be happy in a new build. If it's not a young child it's a new puppy, or a late night party, or any of the other million and one ways people make noise

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 20:12:07

@soubriquet I have friends with children around the 2-3 ages and they all seem to put their children to bed around 7ish. It's just nice to hear from mums that it would be a little noisy for them too. As i said to BettyBaggins above, i just feel very awkward about broaching the subject. I don't know if they are aware of just how loud the noise in these houses travel. I am a very quiet neighbour, i am at work all day and i dont have loud music on or the tv at a high volume. I always tip toe up and down stairs as i dont want to make noise that could be heard. Sometimes i wonder because there is minimal noise from my property are they genuinely unaware of how much noise can actually be heard. Even as i am typing this now, the child is screaming 😣!

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 20:17:17

@batteriesallgone I am beginning to realise this! I think the charm of a newbuild is enticing - but the charm of ready to move into is quickly wearing off for me. There seems to be no soundproofing at all. It's like living in a flat/apartment. Are new builds in general badly built? I guess it's a lesson learned and my tolerance to noise has dropped! Thanks for taking the time to reply ☺

Batteriesallgone Tue 28-Feb-17 20:34:24

Yup there was no privacy in their house. If they had a conversation in bed at night the kids could hear it through the walls.

They aren't all badly built, there are certain builders that throw them up cheap but some new builds are really very nice indeed.

Shaunacm Tue 28-Feb-17 20:41:01

@batteriesallgone It's so frustrating, especially when you save for years for a deposit, the house looks beautiful but then the reality of living in it kicks in 😣. It's just how long i can take it before i put it on the market now as maybe if it was an older or more solidly built house, i possibly wouldn't hear the child at all or as loud!

Batteriesallgone Tue 28-Feb-17 21:25:41

How many are there in the development?

Prices tend to go down not up for a large new build development for the first 5-10 years or so, as the 'new' shine wears off but the community isn't mature yet.

If it's a small complex you'll probably be ok.

But people will want to know why you are selling so soon after buying, it's worth making up a story about a work transfer to another city or something if you can. All depends if you're using the same agents to buy the next house though!

Also bear in mind the money laundering rules around houses only being owned for short periods - it's often difficult to get a mortgage on a house if the previous owner has owned it for less than a year because of ML precautions.

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