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What to Do ADVICE needed!

(11 Posts)
archdeacon1973 Wed 22-Feb-17 08:29:35

My son has recently fallen foul of the law, he is 12 years old and the upshot was that he has to take part in restorative justice. On top of that he has to pay for the damage he caused which is standing at £250. As you can imagine we are having to foot that bill, I am thinking of selling his PS4 and Vita as well as his ANKI overdrive to try to cover the fine. I would be grateful for any advice, ideas that may help or even a solution to this problem.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Wed 22-Feb-17 10:28:41

I don't really have any advice, but wanted to let you know that when done well, restorative justice can be really, really effective.
Selling your son's possessions to pay the fine also sounds sensible and will be a good lesson for him.

mummytime Wed 22-Feb-17 10:44:02

What I would do is ask him which possessions he wants to sell to pay the fine (with obvious things like school uniform etc. excluded).

Itwasthenandstillis Wed 22-Feb-17 10:51:41

Rather than selling his things (which possibly you will end up replacing at some point) can you pay the fine an make him do jobs for you to pay it off? Selling his stuff will make him resentful snd angry. Getting him to do job's will teach him responsibility and keep him occupied. You could however give him the option to decide if he wants to do jobs or sell his stuff. If he opts for jobs selling stuff could be used as a guarantee. Put together a contract snd get him to sign it.

archdeacon1973 Wed 22-Feb-17 10:51:41

We asked him and he refused to do anything about picking what went. I feel bad as he doesn't ask for much but is addicted to his PS4. At the same time though I need to send a message that crime is wrong and there will be consequences

archdeacon1973 Wed 22-Feb-17 10:54:00

That's a canny idea. The problem I have is that he is hopeless at everything he really has no motivation and has tantrums at the slightest ask. I don't want to be a victorian dad but we are at the end of our tether he pushes constantly so any job will be done badly after he has had a melt down about it.

Itwasthenandstillis Wed 22-Feb-17 11:20:57

When I say jobs I mean - washing up, folding clothes, could even be things like reading with a younger sibling. If he has one.

Itwasthenandstillis Wed 22-Feb-17 11:27:22

If the jobs start with a tantrum and are done badly to start with that is OK - tell him something positive about what he has done to motivate him to do more. Tantrum maybe s resistance to doing jobs becazse he eiher doesnt know how to do them or thinks he cant do them well. He may need guidance to start with an to do jobs together. it will get better as he realises he can do things. Whatever you do give him the responsibility to make the decisions about what he does to pay off this fine.

ResetPassword Wed 22-Feb-17 11:42:07

What about 'pawning' the PlayStation, as in you take it off him and he does jobs to pay it back.

Set an amount per job (£5 to wash the car, £2 to wash up for e.g) and keep a record that you can all access like wall chart or notebook. He has an incentive to be motivated

mummytime Wed 22-Feb-17 12:37:35

Okay - from your description is there any chance that he has an undiagnosed SN? Or could he have depression or an anxiety?

Does he acknowledge he has done wrong?
What would he do if he doesn't have access to his play station?
Does he do any exercise? Does he belong to any clubs? Does he have any real interests?

Screens can be a way of coping with difficult situations.

SnugglySnerd Wed 22-Feb-17 12:49:07

I agree, doing jobs would be effective. Maybe to start off with he could help with jobs e.g. washing the car, washing up as this will help him to feel more confident/motivated and would be a good opportunity to talk to him about what he's done, any worries he has etc without the intensity of sitting down fir a direct conversation with eye contact etc. This is a very effective way to communicate with teens.

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