Advanced search

How do you deal with the doubting/contradicting?

(7 Posts)
BitchyInnerMonologue Mon 20-Feb-17 10:53:33

DS is 6. Lately he has developed a very irritating habit of doubting / contradicting / questioning statements that I make; he doesn't do this to DH or other family, so I know it's deliberate and not just a stage.

Example: snack time just now. He asked for something specific which I know we do not have as I didn't buy any.
"Sorry DS, we don't have any of those today".
"Well, we might have"
"No, I know there's none in the cupboard; you had the last one on Saturday, and we didn't buy any more".
"Well, I'm just going to check"

Not irritating on the face of it as a one off check, but this is non-stop.

"I'll wear my Star Wars top"
"You wore it yesterday so it's currently in the washing machine" (having just put it in)
"I'll just check" or "I didn't, it's hanging up"

It is constant. It is very wearing and I can't see any reason for him doing it to me and not to anyone else (I've checked with family in case I just don't hear it).

I don't tell lies (if you exclude the usual ones about Christmas etc!), and if I don't know something I'll say that or I'll tell him if there is a valid reason why he can't do it / eat it / wear it. Thus I think I can rule out the reason as being a result of a previous issue that I've caused IYSWIM?

So what the hell do I do to nip this in the bud?

Pollyanna12345 Mon 20-Feb-17 11:23:20

My son is similar and I've had a lot of horrible replies on my post
Apparently being more direct, not giving any time for contradiction is the key.
Be more authoritive and so on

BitchyInnerMonologue Mon 20-Feb-17 12:49:13

Thank you; I don't think the situation is entirely the same - my DS isn't causing issues per se, just questioning me and no one else.

However, I've tried strict, direct etc and it isn't working; hence trying to ask for advice.

Kleinzeit Mon 20-Feb-17 15:34:12

Both your examples are to do with disappointment. "We might have one" and "it's hanging up" are wishful thinking. You could respond "I wish we did" or "I wish it was" or "you sound disappointed" (naming the feeling for him) And going off to check just gives him a bit of time to overcome the disappointment before getting on with life.

When you say he can't have something, a more adaptable child would shrug it off and a less adaptable child would throw a tantrum.

Doesn't sound as if he thinks you are lying at all, more as if he is just learning to cope with his own disappointment. So I would let him get on with it. Let him go check. Don't sweat the small stuff.

BitchyInnerMonologue Mon 20-Feb-17 16:19:48

Hmm, I didn't think of that - I think I was more focusing on the fact that he only seems to do this to me, and no one else.

Yes, he doesn't tantrum very often, but he does tend to overthink some things.

Kleinzeit Mon 20-Feb-17 17:35:43

And there's no need to justify yourself to him. Trying to explain cause and effect can sometimes come across like accusations - YOU wore your top yesterday so you can't have it today, YOU ate all the cakes last week so you can't have any today. That might be accidentally triggering his wish to argue back or deny it all.

"I'm sorry your top is in the wash today" or "I'm sorry the cakes's all gone" (repeated a few times if necessary) is fine without extra justifications.

BitchyInnerMonologue Mon 20-Feb-17 18:33:23

Yes; I don't usually justify until the third or fourth round, I've truncated the conversation, but I'll try the non-specific responses.

Failing that, I guess I can ignore - or send him to DMIL's while I resort to the booze!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: