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feeling down about my toddler

(30 Posts)
Ponderingprivately Sat 11-Feb-17 03:41:50

I have a DS almost 19 months. Also have DD age 4 so this isn't even my first toddler but I really feel at the end of my rope with him. Tantrums every 5 minutes, proper lie on the floor and scream ones, always hungry, minimal vocabulary (think he might be a little behind here but getting there). Every time I take him anywhere I wish I hadn't bothered because he's such hard work. He hates the pushchair. will walk for DH but if it's me demands to be carried.
I feel so down and tired of parenting him - I almost wish I had just stuck to one child. I know he is normal and I don't think anything different, I am just worse than crap at this stage of kid life. rant over. it gets better soon doesn't it?!

BlahBlahBlahEtc Sat 11-Feb-17 04:12:48

Just keep swimming !
It's a phase, honestly. It will get better really soon. Promise.
Also don't worry about the talking thing. He's not really behind, as long as he knows the jist of what you're talking about / instructions are etc, he's fine.
flowers I know it's super hard.

Ponderingprivately Sat 11-Feb-17 05:26:30

Thanks blahblah. Why does everyone elses kid sit without crying in pushchairs, and not grizzle alllll day?! I had one of those mornings in a supermarket being stared at by just about everyone while my child lay on the floor in the fruit aisle and screamed!

He understands everything, can follow instructions but only has a short list of words that aren't terribly useful: ham, cheese, no, bye bye, mum, dad, all gone, oh no, car, airplane, can sign for please, but mostly even if one of these words would do he just grizzles anyway.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Sat 11-Feb-17 07:13:59

I remember my DD going through this, she was horrendous for a while. I remember summoning all my strength to take her to the park and she laid down on the wet floor screaming, kicking and pulling her hair out.. basically because I didnt let her kill herself lol.

There was also quite a few days where the same thing happened in shops, asda was the worst, I was the demonic mother in asda .

My DD wasnt in a pram from 14 months (now she is again at 2.5 because of car issues) but she would NEVER sit in a bloody trolley. I had to carry her and push the trolley / do shopping. Urgh.
After about a million meltdowns I asked her why and she said she's scared of so many people... well that's me feeling like a terrible mother!

Everyone's demonspawn little angel will have done the same thing.. or will do the same thing. We just don't get to witness it that often. But when we do... I feel slightly smug because my DD had MOSTLY stopped it (decided home bargains was a brill place to go to sleep in a star shape on the floor other day...) and I feel terrible for the poor parent lol.

It does get better, I promise.

My brother didn't speak until 2.5, at all apart from UTSAT (what's that) and daddy. Can't shut him up now.. but then he is 26.hmm

Timefor2 Sat 11-Feb-17 07:26:57

Mine wasn't tantrumming but hated other toddlers at that age - would wander up and push them over if I wasn't watching closely! 18 months was the worst, easier a few months before her second birthday and seemed super easy in comparison by the time she turned two. So hang on in there, that age is tough.

I'm currently pregnant with my second and you've scared me a bit smile

Ponderingprivately Sat 11-Feb-17 09:49:26

Thanks everyone. I'm abroad so coming up for bedtime where we are thank the lord - get me the gin!
You know, DD was a bit of a grim toddler too but she was much more verbal and therefore was totally easy by 2 and a bit and now I can barely remember the tough bit. DS is doing a great job of reminding me.

I hear you on the trolley - he doesn't get in one of those without a fight. I've got a 13 hour flight with him and DD on Wednesday as we move back to the UK so I'm dreading that with every fibre of my being!

Since I even wrote my post we've had another several tantrums, refusal of dinner, a lot of 'no' and a few smiles reminding me that he's still cute under there somewhere. I will not sell him on ebay today

BlahBlahBlahEtc Sat 11-Feb-17 10:04:13

Eek I don't envy you on the flight!
Will be put beads (toddler bead things) on a string? Or colour in? ...or failing that take an ipad or something. Sorry i panicked for you lol!

Just keep on, you're doing a great job! And remember to breathe and remember it's temporary (even though it feels like forever) flowerscake

BlahBlahBlahEtc Sat 11-Feb-17 10:06:53

Just saw your ebay comment. That made me chuckle! I told DD other day I was going to throw her in the bin.
She responded by telling me I need to go in the bin because I smell and she's a pretty girl hmm

Ponderingprivately Sat 11-Feb-17 11:27:27

oh the bead thing or colouring in might be fine for a normal toddler on a flight, but mine seems to enjoy throwing things!! the ipad might work for a while, I'll make it :-). I might check him on as hold baggage, then it will be a peaceful flight ;-)

tomorrow is another, tantrum filled,day.

buckyou Sat 11-Feb-17 11:44:25

My toddler sounds pretty similar. She will have days where she is no trouble all day then other days she is just the devil child! It gives me hope that some of you are saying your kids got better around 2, I've been thinking we still have the terrible twos, which must he worse! X

HeyRoly Sat 11-Feb-17 11:47:42

I've been there, especially the wishing you hadn't bothered going out because it's such hard work. It's so isolating and very, very stressful.

It really had a terrible impact on my mental health. I had PND anyway but it got worse. Such a joyless slog sad

She's 5 now and a delight. But I've never forgotten the misery of her toddler years.

Astro55 Sat 11-Feb-17 11:53:25

I had one of those! I coped by being detached from it all - it's not personal.

It was in an OK youvhave a tantrum while I wait for you to finish - I refused to let her upset me or make me feel bad - what is it with Asda?

buckyou Sat 11-Feb-17 11:59:13

I think that's my problem astro, I take everything to heart and think it's my fault and worry what other people are thinking all the time. How did you manage to detach from it?

Astro55 Sat 11-Feb-17 12:09:56

It's a mental thing really -

Remind yourself that they are safe - keep yourself calm as they pick up on that - don't get dragged into a discussion

'We will do x when you ve calmed down'

'Mummy's here when you've finished'

When they stop - Ok let's go

Ignore the looks - I sometimes look as a reminder of how my life used to be - I feel for the parent - but it passes - it's not a judgment just a relief it's no longer me! iYSWIM

Use the time wisely - remembering a shopping list - think about bedtime - or anything else inbetween

c737 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:35:09

I've found my people!

Ds 16mos exactly the same. If something isn't to his exact liking, it is meltdown time. Always hungry but refuses to sit in a highchair so feeding him is a nightmare, screams if we go in the car, screams for a bottle of milk all through the day (and night), screams if we go in to a shop as he just wants to be free to walk! I am forever walking on eggshells around him trying not to set him off, which is probably just encouraging the behaviour, and heaven forbid if his sister has a toy that he wants!

I was so naive - had/have a really easy toddler in my dd (3) and just expected to get the same kind of child this time. Doh!

mainlywingingit Sat 11-Feb-17 21:19:47

Ponder - My first DS was hard work from month 11-24, I sympathise. Car seat was beyond my human capability it was quite something to see and his strength was supersonic. We are in a better phase as we can communicate better with each other and it has made a big difference.

Stay firm, follow thorough, be kind and when mine had a tantrum I would cuddle and say "yes yes I understand, you are cross" he would cool when I did this sometimes but I still followed thorough but I empathised with him. Silly but it did work 50% of the time if I did this before he was blue faced.

It does get better. Someone told me you either get a hard work baby or toddler or teenager. Mine was a pretty easy baby, hard toddler so let's hope we get off lightly with the teenager.

Oh and please MN please don't contradict this as it helps me sleep at night it's true! confused

Ponderingprivately Mon 13-Feb-17 09:21:06

OH MY GOD he's driving me to insanity. Obviously the grizzling is at major levels but today we have added:
1) waking for the day at 5am (not usual)
2) second day of refusing point blank to eat dinner - a familiar meal that he has eaten many times before. I am about to put my baby to bed without dinner as I can't start the giving in thing.
I really am at the end of my rope, I feel like I am enduring him rather than enjoying him in any way.

Blackbirdonawire Mon 13-Feb-17 09:42:23

Is there anywhere he does enjoy going that is safe? Softplay, swimming pool, park? My DS is 12m and is ok mood/tantrum-wise (so far), but he is big, strong, boisterous and into everything, won't sit in a high chair etc. I've started minimising where I take him and now only take him somewhere he can get down and explore. Easier said than done with grocery shopping etc though...

The other thing I do try to remember if he's fussing is that he has very little control over his life so I try to give him (limited) choices over what trousers to wear, which fruit to eat etc. At the moment he doesn't quite have the understanding but I'm trying to get into the habit of it. I think sometimes the refusing food, refusing to get coat on etc is a protest about a lack of choice. This is just my theory so possibly totally wrong but maybe worth a try?

Also don't worry about the looks etc. You are probably much more aware of the noise and behaviour than others. And I suspect most of the looks are sympathetic 'been there, done that' looks!

No phase lasts forever. It will end, and he will go through phases of being a total dream. I hated 9-11 months when he crawled (badly) cruised (badly, fell over and screamed every two fecking minutes) had zero understanding of language, destroyed and ate absolutely everything in his path, nearly choked about 200 times a day, didn't sleep, cried all day, teething, wanted picked up every two minutes... ugh. I thought I had made a huge mistake having him. blush Christmas was miserable. Just a month on and things are so much better except the biting

Blackbirdonawire Mon 13-Feb-17 09:43:21

PS good luck with the move! The stress of that is probably rubbing off on everyone in the house as well. What area are you moving to?

Ponderingprivately Mon 13-Feb-17 09:51:25

Hi Blackbird thanks for your kind words. I didn't mind the older baby stage but this toddler bit I just hate! I swear I am the worst mum of toddlers ever put on this planet.
An iron will patience has meant after 45 minutes of refusing DS decided to get back in his highchair and eat the bloody spag bol so that's something I suppose!
I am moving from Singapore to Brighton :-)

Blackbirdonawire Mon 13-Feb-17 10:18:50

Oh you'll be grand then. That's a lovely place to live with small children smile

Ponderingprivately Mon 13-Feb-17 11:37:56

Oh have I got to take him with me?! Dammit ;-)

isthistoonosy Mon 13-Feb-17 11:46:13

Stating the obvious but if he is always hungry and always tantruming are you sure they arent connected? Little kids eat a lot more than I expected and ds ate loads more than dd.

StinkyMcgrinky Mon 13-Feb-17 11:50:41

Thanks blahblah. Why does everyone elses kid sit without crying in pushchairs, and not grizzle alllll day?! I had one of those mornings in a supermarket being stared at by just about everyone while my child lay on the floor in the fruit aisle and screamed!

You are definitely not the only one! My DS, 2, is exactly like this at the minute. In fact in Tesco the other day I made him have a time out on an empty shelf blush he sat for 2 minutes in between packets of digestives after hitting DS1, 7 months, for daring to touch him while they were sat in the trolley.

I got some funny looks but also another Mum who gave me a knowing smile

Ponderingprivately Tue 14-Feb-17 03:22:14

hi isthistoonosy - I feed him absolutely LOADS! Way more than the average child of his age, DD also used to eat loads as a toddler so I seem to make kids that need a lot of food when they are under 2.

* In fact in Tesco the other day I made him have a time out on an empty shelf*. This made me laugh out loud! I'm impressed that he stayed there!

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