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2.5 year old driving me to the brink!

(7 Posts)
ZuzaPa Wed 08-Feb-17 23:10:14

I don't know where to start, not sure if this is a rant, or looking for sympathy or advice. Would really love advice!

So my little darling is a handful. She is a 'spirited' child. From the second she wakes up she is screaming demands at me 'brekky, toast, more toast, juice, water, tissue' and shouts it at me until i bring it, even thought I tell her its coming its on the way etc. This is just an example of her requests, when she wants something she wants it immediately & repeats shouting it at me until I get it.

She is extremely attached to me, if I leave the room just to grab something she has to follow, wherever I am she is like glue to my legs, if I sit down she wants to climb all over me. She doesn't really play by herself, or find games or things to do, I have lots of toys but the only thing she likes to do is throw them, break them. But really she wants all the stuff she can't have, she want to play with the plugs, the oven, my bag, open my drawers & fire things out, pulling things apart etc.

She will not eat. Apart from breakfast and snacks! Anything I make for lunch or dinner goes untouched, and then in the bin and this is driving me insane. The cost and the work gone into trying to prepare nice meals & she wont eat it, then half an hour later is crying for food, she wants a biscuit or chocolate or something crap. I will offer yoghurt, rice cake fruit, which I open, and again she doesn't eat. I dont even want to be bothered cooking anymore because she wont eat it. And then I don't get to eat, because she is finished hers in 5 seconds, and wants to come & climb all over me.

Now the biggest issue I have is when we go out. Im struggling to understand this behavior & how I can help to change this. She is aggressive. She has massively improved, anywhere we went she would just go up & hit children & scratch them across the face, out of nowhere. A child could be walking by and she'd lash out at them. I got so sick of having to sit so close & apologise to parents we stopped going anywhere for a while. She doesn't do this anymore, yet she is still aggressive. We were in the playground & she went & pushed a little boy off the swing because she wanted it (I had my eye off her for a second). If she had been playing on the slide & someone else goes to have a turn, she will start screaming 'my slide' & run over & try to pull them off or scream at them. She will deliberately get in peoples way, when shes does this I think she is trying to interact but doesn't know how. If someone has a toy she screams that its hers. If she is holding a toy, she will scream at them that its her toy. She is not nice when we are out & not pleasant. I see other children just happily playing & they just stop in their tracks when she shouts at them. I am always on her heels, supervising & ready to run if she goes to hit..... she is not like this around her cousins who she loves playing with... Where does this come from? Is she intimidated, overwhelmed, or just a little sh*t.... its exhausting & trips out aren't fun.

I can't go to the shops, she wont stay in her pram, and if i let her walk, she runs off & pulls everything off the shelves & when I go to stop her she kicks and screams.

She was bf till 2, I have been as loving and nuturing to her practicing attachment parenting. She was very ill up until 1.5, and so I responded to her with such urgency and extra devotion & soothing, and I still feel Im responding to her with the same panicked feeling. I give her lots of attention. We have tactile play which she loves, lots of high energy running around, we have quiet play where I try get her interested in a puzzle or read a book, we go out every day, to a playground or playcentre and she has two mornings a week in playschool, I try to be calm fair and responsive, and also try to establish boundaries. I set limits on things which feels like every 5 minutes. Discipline is either going to her room, or telling her she won't have a programme, or a treat, or we will have to leave & when I've nothing to bargain with, I tell her im not talking to her because of xyz (usually when we are out).

I am a single parent, father not involved at all. I am struggling with depression right now & I really don't know which way is up.

There are a million wonderful and amazing things about her, but lately it just feels like a damn hard slog & I feel im failing..

I didn't mean to write so much, but if any wise words could be sent my way I would be grateful.

MommaGee Thu 09-Feb-17 00:14:43

I'm sorry o have words to HP, just flowers, a hug and a bump to see if anyone more useful is around

How is she at play school? Does she eat? Place nice etc?

NickyEds Thu 09-Feb-17 16:08:42

They aren't called the terrible twos for nothing op. Your dd's behaviour does sound a bit extreme but I would say definitely 'normal' for a 2.5 year old- my ds could be a horror when he wanted to be and I'm just starting this delightful phase with dd (19 months but getting early with tantrumming!). How is she at playschool?

With the demands in the morning, you say she demands until you get it for her? So it works! She demand and then she gets, so her strategy is very successful. Can she talk well? I need a 'please' and shouts and demands are ignored. They soon learn it won't wash. I would be consistent and model good behaviour. It's really hard but I've found that it works in the end.

With eating I have so much sympathy! I make lovely food for my two, put it in front of them and nd either they eat it or they don't. I don't tend to me a fuss either way. If they don't eat then they are free to get down and play, but there's nothing else, I sometimes give them a slice of bread before bed if they've rejected their tea.I have been known to keep their tea plated up to be re heated and re presented if they are hungry later blush.

Do you have reins/ backpack with lead? They are really useful.

minipie Thu 09-Feb-17 16:20:42

DD was awful at 2.5. Awful.

How is her sleep?

What do playschool say?

Her illness up to 1.5 - could it still be bothering her? Was it food related?

I think your discipline strategies might be a bit too old for her, but discipline for 2.5 is tricky at the best of times.

Sabsy1 Fri 10-Feb-17 12:34:51

My ds is 21 months old and a complete nightmare at the moment. He hits other kids, always tries to push them (unprovoked) and has tantrums from hell. I gave up work in order to be a good mum and do so much with him, but I now regret it because of his behaviour. And it is making me extremely depressed. Most of my friends are pregnant or already have a 2nd baby, i wouldnt even think about it. I even bought supernanny toddler book, there's loads of good advice there, but for some of the stuff my ds is too young as he doesn't talk yet. So, I am now looking to put him into a nursery and go back to work, as I've reached my lowest point. There's nothing enjoyable with him anymore. Socialising/groups/soft play is just too embarrassing, he won't sit in his highchair, so meals are extremely stressful and when playing I have to be extremely careful that he doesn't throw something at me/other kids or damages something. I was 33 when I had my ds, I wanted to be settled and financially secure.... but now I feel I made worse mistake of my life. My ds was so wanted and is so loved.... I simply don't know where it's gone wrong. And he is not even 2 yet! So sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but sometimes it's comforting to know that you are not the only one dealing with this!

Sabsy1 Fri 10-Feb-17 12:34:53

My ds is 21 months old and a complete nightmare at the moment. He hits other kids, always tries to push them (unprovoked) and has tantrums from hell. I gave up work in order to be a good mum and do so much with him, but I now regret it because of his behaviour. And it is making me extremely depressed. Most of my friends are pregnant or already have a 2nd baby, i wouldnt even think about it. I even bought supernanny toddler book, there's loads of good advice there, but for some of the stuff my ds is too young as he doesn't talk yet. So, I am now looking to put him into a nursery and go back to work, as I've reached my lowest point. There's nothing enjoyable with him anymore. Socialising/groups/soft play is just too embarrassing, he won't sit in his highchair, so meals are extremely stressful and when playing I have to be extremely careful that he doesn't throw something at me/other kids or damages something. I was 33 when I had my ds, I wanted to be settled and financially secure.... but now I feel I made worse mistake of my life. My ds was so wanted and is so loved.... I simply don't know where it's gone wrong. And he is not even 2 yet! So sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but sometimes it's comforting to know that you are not the only one dealing with this!

Katkin14 Sun 12-Feb-17 09:47:01

That all sounds really tough op. Just a couple of thoughts. As a poster said up thread if she demands things and you bring them to her that reinforces that behaviour. Ask her to say please. And if she's shouting at you ignore her.

With the unpleasant beahaviour towards other kids I'd be interested to know if she behaves the same way when you're not around? Perhaps she's doing it to get your attention? You seem to be in a bit of a holding pattern of being hyper alert and responsive to her (understandably if she was unwell for so long) and perhaps if you step away from that even briefly she's doing what she knows will get your attention back. Maybe if you can develop some independent play at home that would help?

My DS 2.5 pretty much only wants to eat snacks and breakfast too. I have no advice with this one. I'm trying not to get stressed out about it and have fingers crossed it's just a phase!

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