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Will not give up his nappies at 3.7. Am I still going to be wiping his bum at 18?! Help.

(88 Posts)
lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:03:23

DS is bright, articulate and fully capable of understanding using the potty, toilets, where his wee and poo comes from and when it is coming.

He WILL NOT use a potty or toilet. Screams the place down if I suggest it. He doesn't care about reward charts it stickers. We've read books and he's picked pants (which he won't wear).

I've tried not mentioning it for a few weeks at a time and still nothing.

I was fairly chilled about it but now everyone is commenting on how old he's getting to be in pull-ups. He's the only one in preschool not using the potty or toilet in some form.

I figured that after Christmas he'd probably just start wanting to go but as the weeks go on nothing changes.

He doesn't like the potty but can't articulate why.

If anyone says "oh but big boys wear pants/go on the potty" etc he just smiles and says "that's not right. I'm a big boy and I don't use the potty"

Anyone have a (very) late potty trainer? Please tell me it's more common that everyone makes out!

Goingtobeawesome Thu 02-Feb-17 20:06:01

Why do you even give people a chance to say stuff and make him aware?

3.7 isn't that old. Just leave it. Never mention it again. He'll do it when he wats too. Someone else will be the key to him wanting to start wearing pants etc.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 02-Feb-17 20:09:43

I'd wait till the weather warms up and you're in the garden, then just let him run around naked in the day.

Potty training is always much easier when it's warm anyway smile

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:25:00

going because adults make idiot comments all the time about stuff that doesn't concern them - surely I'm not the only person in the world who gets my parenting judged out loud? I normally just brush it away and say he doesn't want to yet and that's fine.

Isn't it old? He will be going to school in September.

Julie he hates being naked ! I had always planned to wait and try in summer months. I think nursery mentioning it to my mum every other week (she does pick ups( has shaken my confidence a bit.

I was a childminder for 12 years, once my own DC were school age. At least 3 children I minded were older when they potty trained - nearly four. All different families. In each case they suddenly 'got it' in a matter or days.

Ignore everyone else, it will happen when he's ready.

lljkk Thu 02-Feb-17 20:33:38

So you can't his nappy off for an hour & he runs around, see what happens? Does he seem surprised when he wees or does he demand a nappy because he needs to wee.

Must confess, I bribed most of mine & coerced DC4 (who could comfortably go an hour without weeing, so I knew he was in control). Mine always got to run around butt naked for spells, though. In your case I'd tell him to change his own (wet only) nappies when required. You could also get him involved in wet wiping the dirties. The more hassle that is for him, the better.

Might be willing to try pants on for 5 minutes if he gets to choose them... favourite tv character.

tigertorch Thu 02-Feb-17 20:38:37

My DS was also quite late. Can't remember exactly, but certainly over three.

Eventually we realised that he could control his bladder but was just choosing to use nappies rather than the toilet (we had a toddler seat on the toilet, not a potty).

One day I took a deep breath and calmly explained that he was too big for nappies and that during the day he would have to make sure that his wee went into the toilet.

We took the nappies away and within a couple of days of staying close to home he was using the toilet independently with very few accidents. He wasn't thrilled about this approach, but accepted it when he realised that we meant it. We tried to stay matter of fact in the same way that we would about teeth brushing or putting shoes on to go to the shops.

He will get there in the end, but a nudge from you is also OK, OP.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 02-Feb-17 20:40:43

Julie he hates being naked. That's such a shame, he's really not making things easy is he?

He sounds like a bright boy, have you explained that he's has to be in pants when he's at school? Maybe discuss using the toilet by the time he's 4? Could your DH show him how to wee standing up? Some people drop a ping pong ball down the loo for them to aim at or a 2p.

If he's not taking to the potty, I'd put it away for now. Does he have a seat for the toilet? If your DH is home by bath time, I'd get him to sit DS on the toilet with a book while the bath runs. I never commented if nothing happened but made a huge fuss if they managed anything, think throwing child up in the air. That might be a bit easier for your DH though now smile

Really don't let nursery knock your confidence. They haven't managed to get him out of nappies either have they? smile

We had the book Successful Potty Training. It's not a how to, but more reassuring real life experiences and tips. I found it very useful.

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:42:00

For some reason he hates having the nappy off for longer than it takes to change it .. He's always preferred to have clothes on rather than off.

He has character pants he has chosen himself but he doesn't want to wear them.

I should probably just tell nursery to piss off.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 02-Feb-17 20:45:12

Almost forgot, the thing that got DD out of nappies at night, she was in pants in the day for ages but very resistant to getting rid of the night nappy was, using cloth nappies. Could you buy some and start using those? I told DD it was fine to have a night nappy but from now on, it was those ones. She wasn't happy but was dry at night within 3 days. There a big difference between comfy disposable es and sitting in your own piss grin

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Thu 02-Feb-17 20:47:13

I think I've seen nappy training pants in mothercare, feel like a nappy and absorb some of the week, but not as much as a proper nappy so he'll feel quite wet. Could that help?

I've got a 3.4yo that's the same.. I have to admit I'm being lazy and waiting it out at the moment.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 02-Feb-17 20:47:26

I should probably just tell nursery to piss off. grin. You could always ask for suggestions and then ask them what they've tried?

Agree with getting him to help as much as possible too.

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:47:43

Thanks everyone. For some reason it really has knocked my confidence. I have always been led by him but I've been made to feel like I'm failing him somehow by not "training" him to do this.

Julie he's a funny little being and likes to keep things challenging for me! Yes, he was really keen about school but once it was mentioned about using the toilet there he decided he would "stay at preschool for all the time"

tiger he is definitely choosing to use the nappies as it means he doesn't have to stop whatever he is doing to have a wee. He is very apathetic about being dirty or wet at times.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 02-Feb-17 20:49:04

If he's got rules on being naked, having his nappy on all of the time and not using the potty, does he have any other rules, like with food?

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 02-Feb-17 20:50:21

Have you explained that he has to go to school or Mummy and Daddy will be in trouble?

ny20005 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:51:34

Did he meet all other development milestones up till now ?

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:51:35

Funnily enough the key worker doesn't have any suggestions. Only that h is "clever enough" and "old enough" and "everyone else can"

I want to mention that she's fresh from college and has no kids of her own... But that's not relevant and only me being bitchy.

lljkk Thu 02-Feb-17 20:53:04

it will save you money & landfill space if he can just switch to toilet. He's big enough not to need a potty (could be only toilet). I'd be desperate to get him out of disps.

Have you tried bribing with chocolate?

Is the problem that he CAN'T or that he REFUSES?

longdiling Thu 02-Feb-17 20:53:16

Don't let it shake your confidence. Age of potty training is no marker of parental competence!! What would happen if he woke up one day and uh-oh, you'd ran out of nappies and couldn't get to the shop? Make out it's an accident rather than a deliberate attempt to force his hand? Would he freak out do you think?

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:53:36

Like what julie? He is very sure if his own mind and what he does and doesn't like. He's always been like this.

All other milestones hit within normal ranges.

lljkk Thu 02-Feb-17 20:55:09

yeah great that stubbornness will take him far one day. But right now it's a PITA.

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:57:02

I think it's rufusal rather than he can't. He's stubborn.

He loves rules and boundaries though - I just can't get him to buy into no nappies.

I AM desperate for him to be out of disposables!

lockie1983 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:59:17

lljkk this is mine and DH's mantra (and has been since he was bout 18 months). He's self-assured, he knows his own mind, he's able to reason as debate, he's strong willed and stubborn. He's determined. As an adult all those skills will take him far.

As a toddler .. pulls out hair

Chinnygirl Thu 02-Feb-17 20:59:55

Have to do while he's home for a week or two but one of my cousins put the cotton pants on and then the nappy over it. That way her son felt the wet and unconfortable while not having a lot of laundry. This does require a kid that tells you that he filled his pants though because you don't want him staying in filth for too long.

Chinnygirl Thu 02-Feb-17 21:00:40

All hus rules does concern me though. Does he have autistic traits? Or just very headstrong?

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