Any disciplining tips? Out of ideas!(9 Posts)
I'll try not to make this too long winded! DD2 is 17 months and she's lovely natured as long as she gets her own way! She's very independent, likes to feed herself, tries to put on clothes etc which I really don't mind although it sometimes does lead to problems when we're doing something she doesn't want to do e.g. Going in the buggy when she'd really like to walk. She's also pretty advanced for her age. Will say the odd short phrase, knows a lot of words, sings nursery rhymes etc. My problem though is she is very prone to having violent outbursts when you're doing something she's not happy about and it came to a head today at a crèche she attends. It's always hard work getting her to leave the crèche but usually I can get her to come, get coat on and go in her buggy with the promise of some fruit or a biscuit. Today though she wanted to stay and play with a certain toy and wouldn't leave even when coaxed. I finally took the toy off of her telling her it was time to go and she could get into her buggy and have her biscuit then picked her up to leave. She lunged for me and grabbed firstly my hair then when I broke free she scratched all down the side of my face and tried to bite my hand when I restrained her. She does this now and then. Mainly going for my hair if I pick her up or hitting me if I've told her no but I got the whole shabang today. The crèche workers saw it all and I was so embarrassed I actually held tears back the whole way to my car. Thing is I don't know how to discipline her when she lashes out like this. I tell her it's bad and you don't hit/bite/hurt mummy or say no and take her hand away but she doesn't have that level of understanding yet i don't think. I'm at a loss as to what else I can do. Anybody got any tips as to the best way of telling a child of this age off and getting them to understand what they're doing is wrong?
Not sure on that one sorry but I think I may have just tucked her under my arm and carried her away before it got to that stage. Very easy for me to say that when I'm sat here though
Please don't be embarrassed either. Nobody has a perfect child and the crèche workers probably see behaviour like this on a regular basis. Could you ask them for some tips on getting her to leave or if they could bring her to you?
They're quite a lazy bunch in the crèche and just stand by watching. Not the most helpful. I do tuck her under my arm and take her away mostly I just made the mistake of picking her up properly this time and she got me. It's so hard when they're that little and you don't really know what they can understand.
It is but I think she can understand enough to say no and plonk her down. Even if the staff are lazy, I'd still ask if she could be brought out to you next time
It sounds like you are doing it all absolutely right. A firm no. And holding her hands down and away from you if she tries to attack you is exactly right. And say "We use our gentle hands. We do not hit". She will understand that. And keep saying it. Next time you have to leave say something like "come now and I'll let you have teddy in the back seat". (Or some other inducement). You want her to transition well so help by giving her a reason to do so. The other thing is that even at 17 months you might want to try giving her warning. "In just a moment I'm going to ask you to put that down.". You can't stop them trying it on with meltdowns. And if they want to freak out and roll around on the floor then fine. But you do need to physically restrain when it gets violent. Otherwise they may try it on someone else one day and then the trouble really starts!
My 20 month old DS can be a violent bugger sometimes, which is not an issue we ever had with his sister. He also isn't advanced with his talking etc. so it's hard to tell how much he understands. The only thing we do is the same as a PP suggested - say No in a firm voice, along with 'we don't hit' or similar, then I plonk him on the floor. This usually really cheeses him off and he screams blue murder but over the last couple of months there has definitely been less hitting etc. That, and if I know he's not going to be happy with me picking him up, I make sure I hold him so he can't get to my face or hair! Not always easy as he's strong and determined.
I find it embarrassing too but having also raised a child who would never dream of hitting or hair pulling, I know that his behaviour isn't a reflection on my parenting. Keep with the same consistent response and she will eventually get it. Everything is a phase with small people!
I'll probably be flamed for this but we started with the naughty step at 18 months old for biting (ds1) and hair-pulling (ds2). We didn't use it for anything else at that age but for these 2 highly undesirable behaviours we did (when I say ds2 pulled hair I don't mean he tweaked it, it was a double handful and all his strength).
So if that had been my ds2 he'd have got a firm
snarled "No pulling hair" and 1.5 min alone in the buggy or the car seat (with me standing outside the car and sobbing, most likely). It did work.
Form the not wanting to go thing I'd do the same as you usually do - attempt at distraction/bribery then rapid removal under arm.
I used time out as wel, also just for hitting/biting/hurting others. Both DCs were about 18mo when I used it the first time but I only expected them to sit on the step for about 30 seconds. After the initial getting used to it (the first time for DD, the first three times for DS) they both accepted it and it did seem to calm them down.
Don't feel embarrassed though, you've done nothing wrong. This is normal toddler behaviour for many toddlers, however unpleasant it I say for us!
My boy is 3 and still be having that way, it's awful!! All I can say is make sure you put a stop to it as quick as you can as my son was the same for a bit then it kinda stopped and now it's back with a vengeance and I'm at my wits end at the moment!! Good luck but do not be embarrassed, it's happening every day with thousands of children!!
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