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Ds 3.5 pushing, hitting and kicking

(20 Posts)
Racheyg Sun 29-Jan-17 22:00:13

Ds1 is 3 1/2 and his emotions have always been at the top (if you know what I mean).

Recently he has started to get physical with other children at nursery ie pushing and hitting. They make him do time out ect but sometimes he goes back to the same kid and pushes them again, straight after time out. He also pushes us and his little brother a lot. He has sometimes gone to bite me when I'm putting him on the naughty step.

I don't want him to grow up a bully but I have no idea how to deal with it. Time outs don't even work either.

Is it just a phase trying to deal with emotions?

JonSnowsWhore Sun 29-Jan-17 23:03:56

Sorry op I don't have advice for you but I really want to follow this as I'm having similar problems with my 3.5 yr old son at nursery. Seems like every other day they're telling me he's been told off for hitting, trying to bite, throwing sand, not listening to teachers etc.

I've disciplined him at home for this aswell by taking away a favourite toy if he's been bad at nursery, obviously the teachers can only do so much so I didn't want him to think he could just get a quick telling off at nursery & that was the end of it?

I keep drumming into him every day that you mustn't hit, it's not nice/wouldn't like it being done to him etc, tell him every morning to remember to be good & listen to the teachers.

All the other kids started this nursery in September but my son didn't start until December, wondering whether he just needs a bit of time to catch up with the others confused

Hope we get some advice op!

sotiredbutworthit Sun 29-Jan-17 23:11:20

This is my 3 year old!! He seems to have gotten better since we started a reward chart. He gets stickers for being a good boy and a reward of his choosing at the end if he gets 20. If he is naughty they get taken away. We got nursery involved so they would report back on how many stickers he had earned and if he had been a good boy.

JonSnowsWhore Sun 29-Jan-17 23:27:11

I've tried the reward chart, before he even got any stickers he got so many 'negatives' we gave up 😂

My mum & step dad have just given him a trophy that they had at home for something or other, & im only allowed to give it to him every day after nursery if he's been good, god knows whether that'll work or not lol!

Sorry OP feel like I'm taking over your thread blush

Racheyg Mon 30-Jan-17 06:55:58

jonsnow don't worry you weren't taking over. It's sounds quite a normal thing for them to do? Pushing the boundaries ect.

Problem with my ds he isn't really fazed by discipline we have tried reward charts, may I will crack that again.

I know you shouldn't but we have started to bribe, which is really the only thing that works. sad

JonSnowsWhore Mon 30-Jan-17 11:19:16

I do the same, feel awful but you get to a point where you're just desperate for them not to be the naughty child! He's currently in time out at soft play for trying to hit someone, little sod. I love him to pieces & just hate seeing him being the one being told off all the time

Racheyg Tue 31-Jan-17 08:37:13

Oh dear, did his behaviour get better after time out? Ds was pushing kids again at nursery, I just don't understand why.

I tell him it's wrong and he just tells me he says sorry. I then explain he shouldn't do it in the first place.

Last night he slapped me in the face as I put him back in bed. I was so close to throwing his trike that he got for xmas out.

I feel like I'm failing sad

JonSnowsWhore Tue 31-Jan-17 11:01:49

We didn't stay for long after his time out as we had to go & get his hair cut so didn't get much chance to see if it had worked really!

I do the same, tell him it's wrong, not nice etc, he says sorry then does it again the next day. Don't think it helps that his older sister is 10 so they're currently running from room to room chasing each other, & being slightly rough but just as playing.

Got half an hour before I pick him up from nursery, will report back on what the teacher has to tell me today lol

JonSnowsWhore Tue 31-Jan-17 20:38:34

Woo today they said they didn't have to speak to him once at nursery! Very pleased with that! He's been a little sod since being at home but that's just whingy, messing around toddler stuff, I can sort of cope with that!

Racheyg Tue 31-Jan-17 20:50:11

That's excellent news jonsnow. Ds1 didn't misbehave at pre-school but pushed a few kids at his nursery that he goes to in the afternoon. His key worker says he does it more out of boredom rather than spite.

RedStripeIassie Wed 01-Feb-17 16:21:28

I was about to start an identical post before I found yours. I thought dd 3.5 had settled in well at nursery but she's still pushing/shoving and smiling and saying she likes doing it. She had music therapy for anger issues at her last school but we were going though a very bad time at home.

I've been asked to have a meeting with her teacher sad.

I don't want her to get off to a bad start in a new area and a new school. She's not like this at home and even now she's back happily playing with her cousin who's in the same class.

JonSnowsWhore Wed 01-Feb-17 20:28:27

Wow a meeting with her teacher! You'd think at 3.5 it'd be not 'normal' but normal misbehaving if that makes sense, and not something they'd call you in about.

He got told off again today for hitting. Every morning I have a conversation with him about not doing it so it's fresh in his mind but he keeps bloody doing it sad

Chocolateorangegoblin Wed 01-Feb-17 22:03:15

Have you thought about why they are hitting? My DS is the same age and has been having similar issues.

He struggles to use words to explain how he feels if he is angry/frustrated/overwhelmed so his first reaction is to hit. We have done a lot of talking about emotions and have started stomping our feet or clapping when he feels the urge to hit. It seems to be helping and I caught him clapping his hands the other day when he was getting annoyed with his toy.

I don't discipline him at home for things he's done at nursery. They are too young to understand, the consequences need to be immediate, eg. Not getting to join in with the game at nursery or whatever. They won't make the connection if you discipline them hours later.

Also DS is so much worse when he is tired/hungry!

Sounds like it could well be some kind of developmental thing though seen as they are all a similar age on this thread. Hopefully it passes soon.

Naty1 Thu 02-Feb-17 05:53:17

Having a problem with dd1 though she is 4.7. She didnt really have trouble at nursery for this, more for not sitting down etc.
Her cousin visited over the summer and was hitting her frequently, daily. So when dd started school in sept, the week after the hitting, she was also hitting. So she started off in trouble. We were very strict, took stuff away. Rrward charts at home and school. And, probably because it wasnt her ususl behaviour, it stopped.
Until recently, she then scratched 2 kids in her class. It was, i think, because another child said she was naughty and couldnt go to her party. So since that ot has escalated. Most likely because her 2 friends dont want to play with her anymore. So there has now been bitting and hitting of teachers/older kids etc in the playground.
I feel a mixture of very angry at her and sorry for her, where she has made one mistake and was then lonely so has then got worse..
But also i feel a little annoyed that because she is summer born this is all happening in a school environment, where she is still only 4 and half the others will already be 5.
So i agree with the comment beow about boredom. I think long playtimes seem to be a flashpoint for her. As she has a short attention span and if you add in tiredness from running around.
The advice for hitting seems to be watch them very closely in social situations and get between them and the victim. However,, obviously, that doesnt work at school/nursery.
Sometimes its to provoke a reaction.
Behavioyr is definitely worse when tired or ill.

JonSnowsWhore Thu 02-Feb-17 07:59:25

Chocolate I think that might be a problem, I don't think the nursery actually discipline them much they just get 'spoken to'

Next time they say he's done something I will ask what they actually do about it I think. I just don't want them to see me as one of those parents who don't care if their children get told off in school as it's the 'teachers problem' lol.

JonSnowsWhore Thu 02-Feb-17 08:01:47

Oh & I think I noticed this starting when he watched bloody power rangers a couple of times! Obviously he's now not allowed to watch it anymore, I think it's a bit too old for him & meant for children who know not to copy. My fault I dropped the ball on that one!

Crumbs1 Thu 02-Feb-17 08:11:48

Naughty step does work but isn't instant. You have to be insistent and persistent. You also have to believe you are in charge and have control.
I think if he hit me I might be tempted to take his Christmas tricycle away. I would certainly tell him in no uncertain terms that it was wrong and then leave the room (if he were in bed) with no further interaction.
Make sure he's getting lots of praise and good behaviour is rewarded with cuddles.

Racheyg Tue 07-Feb-17 08:28:37

Sorry for my delayed reply.

Ds1 get lots of rewards and praise. He knows not to push and hit.

chocolate it's interesting that you ask as ds1 only started talking in September at 3.2 he is catching up very rapidly thou so maybe it's still a frustration

EweAreHere Tue 07-Feb-17 08:33:50

Redstripelassie, as someone who works in a primary school, yours is the child I would be worried about. Children who act out at school like that, but not at home, raises red flags. It's usually the other way around.

You say you all went through a very bad time at home. It may still well be related to her behaviour choices outside the home versus at home with you now.

Have you considered family counselling?

RedStripeIassie Tue 07-Feb-17 09:07:32

Her life has been turned upside down. We were living with her dad who had addiction and anger issues and she was being a bit emotional neglected at times.

Me and her have now moved back to my mums after he went too far with me. It's a big adjustment for her.

We had family counceling type thing last summer. Phychilogist run. She also head music therapy in her old nursery.

Can I ask why this way round raises red flags?

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