DS has a split personality!(6 Posts)
DS (3 1/2) has always been a really lovely, easy going child. Emotionally I've always found him easier than DD - who is, shall we say, strong-willed! He plays nicely with his friends but also happy to potter/play by himself, he's cuddly & affectionate, he's very funny - had a great sense of humour even as a baby!, he doesn't like to argue or be told off etc, etc. The nursery love him and always have nice things to say about him, friends like having him round for play dates, MIL enjoys looking after him for me.
But at home lately, especially when he & DD are home together (and I think this is the key) he just whines & cries most of the time. DD is really bad for teasing him - this can be anything from very blatant "You're just a baby" or "Ha ha I'm better than you/have a bigger biscuit than you/better toy than you..." to just making faces at him when I'm not looking or even just following him around so that he feels he cant' get away from her. He always gets really upset and is still to young to really understand about just ignoring her. But lately he doesn't just seem to get upset when she teases him,he seeems upset a lot of the time - any little thing will set him off. It sets me on edge as I find it really hard to cope with the constant whining and even though I feel sympathy for him I still just want to shout at him to shut up half the time.
Other than repeatedly telling DD to stop teasing her brother I really don't know what to do!
BTW - sometimes when the teasing has been really bad and he's resorted to just hitting her over the head with something I've not even told him off because I almost feel she deserves it.
I've just been reading the thread on sibling rivalry as I think DS's behaviour may have a lot to do with that but then maybe it's just a phase? He's been unwell quite a bit the last month or two so maybe he's just gotten used to being whiny?
HI Sugarmagnolia, your kids could be mine! On top of what you described, DS doesn't listen to a word I say but listens to everybody else... very infuriating.
I'm hoping it's just a phase because even punishing him doesn't seem to make any difference. He's 2.5, so a bit younger than your ds, and I'm putting some of his behaviour change down to just haven moved, getting frustrated because he can't communicate properly yet and of course entering the terrible 2's with a vengeance.
As for dd teasing... I send mine to her room if she doesn't desist...
I shall follow your thread with with interest to see what people suggest!
Sugarmagnolia - how much older is your DD? My DS is 3 1/2 too and is also much harder work when at home with DD - and she is now 9 so we don't have so much of the teasing issue. For us I believe it is a competition thing - for attention, toys etc, and my best way round it is to channel his energy and attention into specific activities. Give him a 'special job' to do (damp cloth for wiping cupboard doors, or hoovering - he LOVES hoovering....), or something more creative - playdoh, painting etc. Works best if it can be a group activity which also then helps him learn to co-operate with DD as well. That approach could deal with your DD's attitude to him too, finding ways to have fun with him and that he is not just an annoying little boy.
It is hard, and you have my sympathy. Sometimes the prospect of the 'after school/pre tea' period makes me want to hide.
Thanks Bamzooki - DD is almost 6.
Sometimes they do play together nicely. Lots of role play where she's the parent/teacher/coach etc (do you see a theme here?). And i do actively try to get them to cooperate. They've got their own laptop now (DH's cast off) and they both love playing games so I try to get them to sit together and take turns which usually works for a while. Or do painting together, things like that. The problem is DD is soooooooo concerned with acting and being treated "grown up" just now that the more responsibility I give him the more it upsets her! I feel like i just can't win.
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