TODAY I don't like my childre. I love them but I DO NOT LIKE THEM. Please tell me I am not the only one...(4 Posts)
I AM LOOSING MY MIND!!! I have two "children" (or foundling demons switched at birth I'm not sure) of 6 and 8 who are currently making me want to pull my own hair, eyes, teeth, fingernails and brain out.
They LITERALLY will not behave. After I mutually split from their father* they are behaving increasingly badly- especially after they ahve spent prolonged time with him. (*read I asked him to leave because our relationship was resembling that of customer and housekeeper, and he had the general appearance, ambience and a dead parrot....inanimate, expired, lifeless....you get the idea)
When here with me I expect them to do small household chores (make their beds - badly granted but have a bash at it is fine, help unload dishwasher and tidy away what they are playing with), they are also expected to behave to a certain set of standards (shock horror- flush the toilet after using it, not hit one another, not try and create weapons to fight each other to death and sit properly at the table- ie. not stand on their chairs while eating), I also try and feed them reasonable meals (pasta, pies, noodles etc Odd treat meal of chips and pizza) But today TODAY this apparently this is beyond the pale of reasonable expectation, and they ahve all but created an alternate universe where they are in charge and I am a not even on the level of child but in fact bottom slave and unable to get them to respond to the simplest request. Oh and I ahve lost my voice from yelling all day. AND my sanity form getting advice from either a- smug mums, b- non-parents who don't ahve a clue, that although their advice is sound putting it into practice is like trying to fill wrangle cats or c- family memebers who probably think I brought this on myself for having the audacity to not remain ina coma like state of of my ex-marriage!!!
I ask not for help, not for advice not for sympathy but for ANYONE to agree and say their children are not bloody perfect, that sometimes they also actively (while still loving them) dislike their children and wonder how they created the hell-born demon children, tell me that you also feel like a rubbish mum and IT IS OK to feel like this sometimes.....oh and to give me regular updates as to how long there is to go until bed time, tell me I CAN DO THIS, and set me a countdown clock to bedtime so Iknow when I can pour a glass of wine.
Only three more hours to go until 6.00. You can do this. Act. Channel the scariest teacher at school you had, creat an air of calm menace, you are boss and this WILL happen. Think that before asking anything. Stop shouting. Go very very quiet and speak slowly. Remove yourself and do a lot of ignoring. Be busily involved in something fascinating that isn't the norm like painting or making something. Be engrossed (keep acting). They will try and kill each other, make loads of noise and mess, to get your attention. Ignore. Eventually, one of them will come to you and try and join in. Still be engrossed but you can let them do something small ( just paint a flower on here..). Can I do x y or z must be met with an of course, is small bit of mess tidy? If you tidy it by the time I count to ten then yes. One....DON't look up. You've got to horse whisper them so ignore and get the, coming to you wanting you. Then praise nd gin (the latter for you).
I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but why not ask for help rather than just sympathy? It sounds like a really tough situation and without help it'll continue. I am being sympathetic here, not critical - I know how hard it is to bring up children alone.
You do sound quite stressy, sarcastic and shouty to be honest and this will only be making the situation worse.
Try reading "calmer , Easier, happier parenting" bit Noel Janis norton. There is an audible book but reading it is probably better.
Only you can change this - the children certainly won't!
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