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Letting 5 week old "cry it out" during daytime

(34 Posts)
Pandora88 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:51:16

I feel like a horrible mother for doing this, my little DS is absolutely adorable and not too bad overall but he does have those days and nights (usually come in a row) when he's a baby from hell. He'd cry and cry completely inconsolable for hours. Naps? Forget it? He'd do 10 mins to half an hour max. Proper feeding? No way, he nurses for 5 mins every hour or so. Rest of the time he'd be screaming, moaning, breathing quickly.

I feed him, change his nappy, give him infacol, give him a belly massage for gas, we have ruled out any health problems (blood tests at hospital and checked twice by peds ) I normally hold him in my arms and carry him around but when even that fails (he'd shout right into my ear) I just don't know what to do, so put him in his cot/bouncer and let him cry for a bit.

I would then step away to do some simple things like even brush my teeth (no time for it with him constantly unhappy!)

So he would be laying there crying for 5-10 minutes depending how long it takes me to get sorted. I feel terrible for doing this and I found that I'm actually no longer even rushing myself because I'm becoming resentful of him (and a bit of a failure as a mom - surely to be in mummy's arms should offer some consolation sad)

I am just curious if any of you had a similar experience, I so hope this is not too traumatising for him but I just feel so hopeless! I never do this at night as am generally opposed to "cry it out" sleep training but with him going day and night during these "bad days" I literally can't even brush my hair!

Ilovecaindingle Thu 26-Jan-17 15:54:01

Bit too young imo. . Sorry. .

Batteriesallgone Thu 26-Jan-17 15:58:04

Have you tried a sling or carrier? You can get basic stuff done and cuddle at the same time.

My babies have been cryers. Sometimes you have to quickly leave them (changing a toddler poopy nappy!) but nearly all essential things can be done carrying them in a sling. Tooth brushing is possible one handed.

It's not his fault poor mite.

Pandora88 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:58:54

@ilovecainedingle

That's okay I'm looking for honest opinions (but hopefully no personal attacks)

Pandora88 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:00:41

@batteriesallgone

He hates the sling so far :-/ I can definitely try tooth brushing one handed but if he still cries on my arm part of me just doesn't see what benefit he gets from being there with me sad

Fairylea Thu 26-Jan-17 16:02:10

You'll probably be crucified on here for admitting it but I've done the same thing with both my dc (now 5 and 14 now) and neither suffered for it long term. Sometimes I needed to do something (phone call, washing, sorting something out etc etc) and I'd leave them for the odd 10 mins or so. Neither of them liked being carried about in a sling either. Sometimes you do have to look after your own sanity as much as you look after your children.

timeforabrewnow Thu 26-Jan-17 16:02:37

5 minutes won't hurt him. All of mine had colic and cried a lot (day + night) but I always used to think that when you are trying to comfort them - even if it doesn't work - they know that someone is trying to help them.

Christmascrackedit Thu 26-Jan-17 16:03:24

Agree with pp. Too young. I know how you feel though! And sympathise. Have you got a rocking moses basket? This really helped us.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 26-Jan-17 16:03:27

No attack intended as have had a prem crier and def no fun at all. .
I think the easiet thing is sometimes just to accept they are demanding at this stage but it doesn't last long. . And you will be amazed how much you can get done with 1 arm. Hoovering /housework /teeth brushed /it's quite a skill!

ringroads Thu 26-Jan-17 16:03:40

OP,, I know you have said youve seen paeds team twice and theres no issues, but could he be hungry? As his only drinking for 5 mins every hour,,Have you tried topping him up with a bottle? Also have you spoken to your health visitor? 5 weeks is about young for inconsolable crying and I personally wouldnt leave him to cry it out. Sorry flowers

Christmascrackedit Thu 26-Jan-17 16:04:19

Also a dummy. I gave in and opened the 'I'm never gonna use these' dummy supply at about 5 weeks!

LBOCS2 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:03

Honestly? With two or more children you don't have the luxury of making the choice whether the baby waits for attention or not. Sometimes things have to be done. I wouldn't put them down to scream just to have some 'arms free' time to drink coffee and read a magazine (not just because it's not relaxing!) but if my elder needs her bum wiped or I have to put lunch on, then that's sort of what needs to happen.

For the rest of the time, I would suggest a sling. At 5 weeks they're still extremely tiny and snuggling up to you, being warm, hearing your heartbeat and feeling all cosy will be the most soothing, relaxing thing for them.

Also, advice no one gave me with my firstborn: don't let them go more than 45mins - 1hr awake. Any more than that and they'll get overtired and fight sleep. Time them, then do what you need to to settle them, it makes so much difference to their (and by extension, your) happiness.

JournosAreLazy Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:36

I didn't really have to do it when my DD was a very small baby but I can remember my HV saying to me that as long as the baby wasn't crying because they were hungry, tired, in pain or wanting a cuddle that it's OK to leave them to cry for 5-10 minutes whilst you go to loo/have shower/step outside to gain some sanity.

OreosOreosOreos Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:37

flowers
You are absolutely not a failure! Having a baby who cries all the time is very hard.

My DS had colic, it seemed like from about 2 weeks till maybe 12 weeks if he was awake and not feeding he was crying. I remember it being so hard.

Have you tried a sling? You can then wander about with baby in it. With earphones in if necessary to block out the crying (it sounds horrible, but if baby is changed, fed and being held then there's not a lot else you can do).

I'd also really recommend trying to get out of the house, preferably without baby if you've got someone who can look after them? Being able to take the dog for a walk on my own saved my sanity!

Closetlibrarian Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:41

I think it's fine to put him down for a few minutes so you can wee/ get dressed/ etc. We've all had to do that and what you're talking about isn't 'cry it out' (which is a sleep training technique). But not to leave him for ages and ages just because (not saying you do this).

I always found a change of scenery helped when they're grumpy. Pop him in the sling and go for a quick walk. Put some music on and dance around with him in your arms. It is tough, but these phases pass very quickly at this age smile

pegomassive1 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:45

This too shall pass.....but I couldn't let my dd cio and I can't face cc either... I'd never judge anyone for doing it if it works fine but I know when dd was 5w I'd do rocking and nursing for hours or let her sleep on my chest rather than let her cry flowers I hope this phases passes soon!

JennyOnAPlate Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:51

I had to do the same with my dd1. You need to be clean, and you need to eat and drink. It won't harm him for five minutes a few times a day, especially if you're in the same room and keep talking to him.

flowers for you op, it's really difficult when you have an unsettled baby, but it will get better.

dontpokethebear Thu 26-Jan-17 16:07:14

Too young. If you're on fb could you see if there is a sling library near you? It might be worth testing out a couple of different sorts?

Chelazla Thu 26-Jan-17 16:07:14

You aren't really leaving home to cry it out though, you're leaving him 5 minutes to brush your teeth. I understand it's frustrating but deep down you must know saying things like mothers arms should give comfort is a bit silly. If a baby is having a crying day, it could be anyone they'll cry. Don't beat yourself up. I wouldn't leave him for huge periods of time as still young but I don't think 5 mins is end of world.

Chelazla Thu 26-Jan-17 16:08:21

Him

superking Thu 26-Jan-17 16:11:40

Sling when you can, but sometimes you do just have to get on with stuff. No well looked after baby is going to come to any harm from being left to cry for a few minutes whilst you have a quick shower. You have to look after yourself too.

Doolallylally Thu 26-Jan-17 16:12:17

Generally a baby that young will only cry like that if they're hungry. On the other hand I'm a big fan of not faffing around too much with the baby to get them to sleep. I made that mistake with my first!

When you have a baby and a toddler the baby is often left to settle because you're sorting the toddler. I had 21 months between, so couldn't faff on with the baby if he wouldn't settle. I quickly found that the baby learned to settle himself but I would always make absolutely sure he was full up, changed, clean, warm and comfy first.

scaredofthecity Thu 26-Jan-17 16:12:51

What about silent reflux, my DS was like this, a milk free diet for me and gaviscon for him and honestly he was a completely different baby. Poor boy must have been in agony.

shopaholic85 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:13:35

You have my complete sympathies OP flowers My DD (8 weeks) gets like this a few afternoons/ evenings a week. Luckily, DH is usually home, so we take it in turns to have a break. She usually tires herself after a few hours and falls asleep. We have found using a dummy invaluable - it distracts her for a bit before the crying starts again. Also, it doesn't work every night but we find a warm bath before the witching hour starts sometimes helps.

What you describe sounds like colic and health professionals say it is fine to put baby down in a safe place so you can take a few minutes out. Have your tried using a sling? It's the only way I can brush my teeth some days.

You are not a failure. In fact, you sound like you are doing a great job. It's okay to feel resentful of your baby sometimes, especially after hours and hours of crying. It doesn't mean you don't love them. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being human. Babies grow out of colic, so it won't be forever. Please speak to your GP or HV if you are finding things particularly difficult.

Touchmybum Thu 26-Jan-17 16:20:53

Noooo, don't leave the wee soul to cry, he will only get more distressed. Either (a) get someone else to do whatever it is or (b) learn to do it one legged or one handed. I remember peeling potatoes standing on one leg with the other leg rocking one or other baby in the rockatot.

Is he breastfed? He may have colic? (And yes, breastfed babies do get colic whatever you may have been told!)

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