Please help, 2 y/o daughter completely attached to dad!(3 Posts)
I'm hoping someone can please give me some reassuring advice in relation to my 2 y/o daughter. She was born prematurely at 29 weeks so was in special care for 2 months - I'm not sure of this is related. Basically, she is completely attached to my husband. Everyone has just been saying it's just a phase including other mums who say it's happened with their daughters for a couple of months. I would expect that and think that's pretty normal, however my LO has been like this since she turned one. It's also increased to the point where of if daddad is around and i even look at her she scowls and says 'nooo' and shakes her head. She screams even more if I try to comfort her and will only stop crying when dad picks her up. She always sits and snuggles with him and if we're out anywhere my husband has to do everything. She wants him to carry her and snatches away from me. When he's not around then she is generally ok. I work 3 days a week and have her two full days, the other days she's at nursery and then one day with grandma. I'm just feeling incredibly down at the moment and I can't stop myself from getting upset. I've been quite patient up until now hoping it's just a phase, but it's starting tomake me quite depressed and a complete failure. My daughter just sees her dad as her primary caregiver. Just recently on a couple of occasions where it's been really bad I've even thought I hate her and wish I hadn't had a baby! How bad is that? I also feel very jealous of them both which leads me to feel hatred towards my husband too and we're falling out a lot and arguing. He's not affectionate to me at all and he doesn't always help the situation by being quite unsympathetic. He just doesn't understand what it's like at all. I also had a miscarriage recently, so the combination of everything just makes me think I wasn't supposed to be a mother. I know you will thinkthink I'm a terrible person but I've even wanted to just walk out. I'm so sorry to witter on. Basically, could it be like this forever? And do you think it could be because I wasnt able to bond with her at birth due to her being in special care? What can I do, antidepressants? I feel like I'm going to go out of my mind.
Didn't want no one to answer you! I think GP for you to start as ADs may (or may not) help you cope. Re DD, I'd gather my strength and do some regular Love Bombing of her. You say it's worst when her dad is there, so he goes elsewhere, and you have a special day of just you and her (google Love Bombing!) - if done regularly it may help form more of a bond? I'm sure it won't last forever
It won't be like this forever. I've the opposite problem but I'm sure I'd feel like you if my DD was latching on to my DH rather than me. But it really means nothing. I think your only risk is how it makes you feel and react, and if it makes you damage things in the future out of resentment for what is happening now. Can you try to step back and enjoy your freedom? You say she is fine when he's not around so can you start having special things you and her do together that help you bond ...like weekly swimming and ice cream after etc. You and her may well be the closest mum and daughter 4 yrs from now so try to not take offence and sit it out for now. Little children do tend to fixate on people and things as their minds grow.
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