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4 year old doesn't have any own age friends

(9 Posts)
goteam Fri 20-Jan-17 12:04:32

She doesn't start school until September and is with childminder 3 days a week as nursery is too far (and we are in the wrong borough). She enjoys CM but other kids are 3 and 2. We have a regular weekly play date with someone she's known since they were babies but that's it. Weekends she just hangs out with family. She seems happy enough and hood at playing on her own (when not scuppered by 2 year old brother. They can't quite play together yet but worried I'm doing some lasting damage not making more of an effort.

To be honest, I'm a bit of a loner and prefer my own company (but also like seeing friends of which I have several!). I never enjoyed stay and plays and making small talk with mum's I don't have anything in common with. I feel bad that I should have forced myself to make an effort for DD sake!

Please reassure me I'm not damaging her future social skills!

NuffSaidSam Fri 20-Jan-17 13:36:58

She'll be fine.

Does the childminder never take them out anywhere or have playdates? She should hopefully be meeting up with other children during the time she is with the childminder.

goteam Fri 20-Jan-17 14:02:15

CM takes my 2 and 4 yo to stay and plays so I think she plays with other kids there but we don't really have play dates. Just the one most weeks with one other 4 yo. 2.5 yo is v hard work, a bolter who doesn't sit still so it's hard for me to take them to groups. Plus I'm exhausted from 2 yo's 5 am starts and never in the mood for small talk. Finding the 2 year age gap tough at the moment as they can't play together yet but 2 yo behaviour restricts what I can offer 4 yo.

purpleme12 Fri 20-Jan-17 18:32:13

My little girl's the same. She won't start school til next year. She goes to nursery 2 days a week but apart from that no friends her age. Occasionally she'll play with next door who's 5 but that's it. I don't have loads of friends. I've found it really hard I think once you're an adult it's like no one fancies making new friends and making those connections with people.

goteam Fri 20-Jan-17 21:16:12

I think that's it purple you kind of have to become friendly with the parents to make the play dates happen. I don't like making an effort to be honest if it doesn't come naturally with potential new mum friends. I have hit it off with a few and my daughter has with their same age daughter but then they have moved. I have enough of my own old friends but they don't have kids or only have small babies. I don't have loads of friends I mean but enough as I'm a bit anti social!

BarbarianMum Fri 20-Jan-17 21:23:43

Really, really, really don't worry about this. In a few months she'll be at school positively swamped by company her own age and friendships and playmates will come.

goteam Sat 21-Jan-17 20:11:59

Thanks for reassuring barbarian

TiaDalma Sat 21-Jan-17 21:53:54

My just turned 5yo ds was/is like this. He went to pre-school for 18 months before school and although played with the other children, never really formed any close friendships.
He started school last September and is still the same, although he hasn't made any specific friends, he still plays and interacts with the other children really well (according to his teachers). He is perfectly happy and loves school!
He will join in with games, but if there is something else he would rather be doing he will happily go off and do that by himself, which I don't think is a bad thing at all!

I wouldn't worry and tend to think that being happy in their own company and not feeling the need to join in/follow the crowd is a good thing smile

goteam Sat 21-Jan-17 22:10:28

Glad your son is happy Tia. DD is like this. I do think it's good for kids to enjoy their own company but want her to be able to form attachments too. I suppose it comes a little later though.

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