Not settling at nursery

[Supergran58]

I have a residency order for my 17 month old grandson though his mum (my dd) lives at home too. When he was 4 months old it became clear his mum wasn't coping and I started taking him to a childminder near to where I work as a primary school teacher, this is an hour away from our home. He settled in well and I have never had any trouble with dropping off. He has always (despite his less than perfect home life) been a happy and contented little boy. Social services became involved and he has been a 'child in need' for the past year. Social services have never been happy with his long daily commute. They recently persuaded me to put him in a local nursery and his mum, since Christmas, has been taking and collecting him 2 days a week. He is carrying on with his childminder for 3 days a week. His mum has grown up considerably in the last year and is taking much more responsibility for him these days.

The trouble is that he seems to hate nursery. He screams when she drops him off, grabbing hold of her leg and when she picked him up yesterday, he was crying in the middle of the room by himself. Nursery staff reported that he had been crying on and off all day. This is so not like him. He has never been like this with the childminder where he is confident, happy and very sociable with other (slightly older children). She takes him to various drop ins at children's centres every day, so he is used to a nursery type environment.

We can't work out what is going on and what to do for the best. Developmentally he is doing fine. He has 40+ words and has been putting words together for the last couple of months or so (mainly 'I want more....'!). He understands everything and as I said, usually very sociable and confident, so I'm fairly sure there are no developmental difficulties like autism. He is in the baby room where he is one of the older ones. Could it be that he is more used to mixing with older children and finding it difficult with the younger children. Are the toys not stimulating enough? Or maybe he's just got a severe case of separation anxiety? Or maybe he's not getting the level of adult attention he's used to?

I don't know whether to just let him get on with it (the place is funded) or whether he should go back to his childminder full time and maybe try nursery again in September when he will be eligible for 2 yr old funding. Any thoughts?

[Casmama]

It sounds to me like quite a lot is being expected from this little guy. There are presumably more children he is used too, it is a different environment, there are more adults who are strangers to him yet it is only for two days a week, the rest of the time he gets to go to a childminder where he is happy.

He has presumably only been there about 6 days so t is still early and it concerns me that he was on his own and crying when your dd turned up to collect him. I think one or other of you need to have a good chat with the staff about how you can support him to settle in better. It can be difficult I think when it is just two days as he will just start to get comfortable then is back in his preferred environment with the childminder.

I would be tempted to go for either childminder or nursery because this combination sounds stressful.