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At what age did you start using "GO TO YOUR ROOM" ?

(17 Posts)
LowFatMilkshake Thu 22-Feb-07 21:15:43

I did this for the first time today with DD(3) and it worked quite well!

I was against it before because I did'nt want DD to see her room as punishment, but rather a place to enjoy being for bedtime and play etc.

However now I have a 10wk old baby as well I can't cope having a crying baby and a stroppy pre-schooler. Just shouting at her gives her negative attention when I have to do something with baby instead of be with her. So I thought by sending her to her room I don't shout and dont give negative attention, and she gets to go away and ponder on her actions (or play with her fairies), and I call her down when I am ready to talk about things and make up.

What do you do?

noonar Thu 22-Feb-07 21:21:06

um, i say go upstairs and come down when you're calm/ ready to be gentle etc. dd is nearly 5. agree about seeing bedroom as a 'nice' place to be.

eidsvold Thu 22-Feb-07 21:24:05

we probably started with dd1 when she was about three, but we also do it with dd2(2yo) as a calming technique or to separate them when they are squabbling.

They know they can play quietly or read when they are in there - more a time out to calm down than a punishment iyswim.

tortoise Thu 22-Feb-07 21:24:13

I use the bottom stair and shut the living room door. Sometimes DD1 will put herself there if she is in a strop!

adath Thu 22-Feb-07 21:26:17

I am of the same opinion about bedroom being a nice place to be etc but recently I have been putting dd age 3 also up there in situations that are just going to get fraught and end up with me shouting.

I don't do it in the "get to your room" type way I just ask her to go and play in her room until she has calmed down, once or twice she has actually left the room and gone upstairs herself I think she is getting to the stage where she is needing a bit of her won space and the situation has always calmed by the time we talk a few minutes later. She doesn't see it as a punishment in a negative way and sits and plays with her dolls or jigsaws but the space between us does resolve it.

In fact the other day I tolde her off for something and she stormed out the room when asked where she was going she answered "I am going to my bedroom because I cannot behave just now" just to add dd is 3 just now but will be 50 on her next birthday.

LowFatMilkshake Thu 22-Feb-07 21:33:40

lol at the 50yr old Adath!

In future I think I am going to make sure I say something along the lines of 'Please go upstairs until you are calm and I am ready to talk to you' rather than 'Go to your room'

ScottishThistle Thu 22-Feb-07 21:38:14

I always use the bottom stair with under 5's because I like to keep them within earshot, with over 5's I use the 'To your room tactic'.

adath Thu 22-Feb-07 21:42:37

seriously she is like a middle aged woman sometimes. was in the chemist today and one fo the assistans said she had been in with her dad (dp) last week and had gone up to her (the assistant) and said "oh what beautiful ear-rings you have, I would like them when I am a lady"
The things that come out her mouth sometimes I have no idea where they come from half of them.

On topic though I felt that by not saying go to your room and trying to make it sound less like I was punishing her it was still keeping her room a nice place rather than one she associates with negativity. It seems to work actually because rather than us all falling out we have our own space to calm down and are actually able to talk about rationally.

LowFatMilkshake Thu 22-Feb-07 21:53:52

I hate punsihing my DD - although she does push her boundaires, but I know it's mostly to do with the fact she has a new baby brother who demands so much time.

And whenever I mention something to her that she should have done differently or not at all etc, I get 'I'm sorry mummy, sorry sweetheart' heart melting!

adath Thu 22-Feb-07 22:16:15

I get the can I give you a cuddle sweetheart? or it's alright darling! told you she is and old woman.
The thing is I hate punishing and I don't think most of these punishments are effective in the long run and prefer to find other ways to deal with it. But I do believe that I do have to have boundaries there are some things there is no compromise on.
We did have and still sometime do if I am honest hace the natural reaction to having the ne baby- ds is 10 months- and he wasn't very well when he was born so demanded a lot of attention and as babies do still does sometimes and just knowing that is all it is sometimes makes it easier to deal with.
It is hard sharing your time but it does get better.

losty Thu 22-Feb-07 22:16:46

37 - siorry, couldnt resist

iwearflairs Thu 22-Feb-07 22:48:57

LowFat I have this very issue this week with my 3 year old (other post on same subject) and sent my DS to his room today for the first time, mainly because I didn't know where else to send him. I didn't think he would sit still on any of the steps in our house.

I also hate punishing but the day I had yesterday was from hell and I couldnt' believe any child could be so naughty, going from one taboo activity to the next. By the time I put him into bed he turned upside down on the mattress and asked me sweetly 'is this the right way?' at which point I was so beyond anything that we both giggled like maniacs.

I think they get a memo from somewhere when they turn 3 which says it's time to start acting up like hell.

I also am going to re-phrase to 'go and play in your room until you're calm, or ready to cooperate'.

Does anybody think it is wrong to ask a child to do this in order to get them to do something eg have their teeth brushed, as opposed to not doing something?? ie is it a bad form of coercion?

kittylette Thu 22-Feb-07 22:51:19

my sons 2.2 and he goes to his room if he does something extreme (hits his baby brother ect)

not that its much of a punishment, its like Toys R Us in there

TinyGang Thu 22-Feb-07 22:55:47

About three I think. Ikwym about the bedroom - my dd was quite happy to be in hers and I didn't want it to be seen as a place you only go when naughty.

So now we have the step in the hall where crimes can be reflected upon in the company of the coats and shoes instead.

I don't like punishing either, but sometimes those few minutes out draw a line under the whole problem and takes the heat off.

We were out once and dh improvised a naughty step for dd in the corner of a Haven clubhouse looking at a fire extinguisher

MynamesMikeIswimlikeafish Thu 22-Feb-07 23:05:54

I'm not sure I've ever used it and certainly don't now they're in their teens. It's more of a punishment to sit in the living room with dh and I.

Used the bottom stair generally - or the shed (for me to get some peace) lol.

cruisemum1 Fri 23-Feb-07 09:49:03

i never used this as i want dd (age 9) to enjoy her room not associate it with being banished there/punishment. when i tell her to go to her room it is for sleep or play.

cruisemum1 Fri 23-Feb-07 09:50:24

i never used this as i want dd (age 9) to enjoy her room not associate it with being banished there/punishment. when i tell her to go to her room it is for sleep or play.

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