DD age 10 angry, argumentative and not part of cool gang. How to help.

[walkingtheplank]

We have 2 issues with DD and I'm not sure how to help.

At home she seems moody. She's quick to take offence and easily wound up by her squirt of an 8 yr old brother.

At school, her BF had become a bit if a frenemy. It would be easy if they broke up. She's not one of the Popular Kids (her words). Apparently she's uncool because she doesn't talk about sex, swear words, boys etc. She's considered a geek because she enjoys school work. She apparently loses her temper at school but I don't know the context.

I want to help her to keep her calm and with the popularity issue. Any ideas?

[PhilODox]

There's a good book called the explosive child that might help you handle her anger, and for her, the volcano in my tummy or The Red Beast (for Children with AS, but still helpful). She may also find Bullies, Big Mouths and So Called Friends helpful.
I think they get to Y6 and they've changed so much from when they made friends that they've outgrown one another (my Y6 child is going through similar ATM).
Add in hormones, anxiety about changes such as secondary school, etc, and it becomes such a lot for them to handle.

You may find it useful for her to discuss the swear words with her- so she knows what they mean (in appropriate terms! ) as that will help her fit in, despite her not using them, she can catch on to meanings in conversations, and not be left out.

[Bobochic]

DC start becoming very different from one another at this age. Some girls are 10-going-on-18 and it's all tiny t-shirts, bra straps, bikinis and hand bags whereas others still play with dolls and want puppies and kittens.

[walkingtheplank]

Thank you both.

Will look at book recommendation.

DD's cohort (Yr5) do seem very sexualised and the girls are very interested in appearance. DD seems to be the only girl not to wear a crop top under her shirt (she wears a vest), she doesn't have a handbag (she has a backpac) and she has spots. She's not a square. I think she looks quite cool actually - she's just not following the herd, which I think is great.

She came out of school looking for a fight with her brother again though.

Fun times.