I am absolutely detesting my DD right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jbck]

She is currently screaming at me that she hates me, I am a stupid idiot (words that we never use) I have put so many teddies/dolls in the cupboard that it's bulging & she's still screaming. I only picked her up from school at 3 and it's been all out war since 20 past.
I resorted to smacking her bottom,even though it's pointless, teaches her nothing & upsets me that she drove me to that. She had already hit me several times before I cracked & I'm seething. I actually considered phoning Social Services to ask them what to do as she refuses to sit on naughty step, stay in her room or calm down. All of this was because she wanted a sweetie & I offered her one that wasn't out of the fridge, which was where she wanted it from. She's 5 & her behaviour has deteriorated since starting school, I'm not saying she was an angel previously but she was never like this & I really struggled not to smack her again. I'm sitting in here with the door shut trying to ignore the shouting & door-slamming, nursing a big bruise on my arm where she nipped me! At school she is an angel & quite clearly one of her teacher's favourites.
I know all the things I should have done but I hate seeing the lovely wee girl I could normally reason with turn into this little monster. All the while as I'm putting toys in the cupboard she's then shouting I'm sorry Mummy,still hitting me though.
I know this is long & everybody goes through it (probably more often than I do) so thanks for reading and wish me luck as I'm venturing out of the room. The noise has subsided so she's either fallen asleep from all the exertion or sitting colouring in/watching Nick Jr as if nothing had happened whilst I'm close to tears.

[Angela1982]

You poor thing, I have just read tis out to my mum and she also feels also for you. We both want to give you a huge hug. Mum says that alot of children when they start school do this they are testing the boundries and are tired. You have done everything I think I would do, however I would have tried to avoid the slap but from the sound of the message you had tried everything else. One thing I would suggest would be if you have any friends/family local who your DD respects and loves to sit her down and tell her exactly how she has upset you. Sometimes a calm outsider can reason with them and she will probably be really upset that she has upset you that much. When I used to babysit my mum had to come over one day as the two kids had run riot and had been talking about how they were going to kill me (not nice kids) when I sent them to their room they trashed the place, untill mum sat them down and told them how upset they had made me - they were angels after that. Hope this helps and good luck!

[Elasticwoman]

Oh poor poor you Jbck. You've had a particularly nasty bout of what we all (more or less) go through. "I know all the things I should have done" - what were they? Sounds like you tried time out and talking to her and standing your ground.

The main thing you need is reinforcement. Is her father in her life? I know not many fathers are available straight after school, but that kind of behaviour can be dealt with later. My dh would get naughty child to say sorry to me.

Re time out: if our children refuse to go when told, there is another sanction for that eg no tv or playstation for a set amount of time. You have to follow through of course and enforce, to make it effective.

I once knew a smug mother who claimed her child had never had tantrums. This was a mother who worked full time, was regularly home late in the evening, and took whole weeks of holiday away without her only child.

[happystory]

Of my 2 children, one come home from school manic then crashed and burned and the other just didn't want ANYONE to speak to her.
I maintain that the hour between 4 and 5 is the worst when kids are small and just started at school. I loathed it and felt I could do nothing right.
Easy for me to say with hindsight but the best thing you can do, jbck, is try and keep calm, have a cup of tea and remember all the times she is sweet and lovely.

[Jbck]

Thanks everyone, she was watching the tv, when it had all gone quiet. I had switched off the Sky & put the remote up high but she was persevering with a very fuzzy analogue signal. I switched it off and gave her some chores to occupy her and keep her out of my way for a little while, which she did with very good grace. She has apologised loads and I've tried to be as gracious as possible but the vitriol really shocked me. I explained how much she had hurt me and why I was so angry. I apologised for smacking her ( I know it has to work both ways). I have said she'll get her toys back at bedtime if she continues to behave. She begged me not to tell DH, I did tell him but out of her earshot and he spoke to her about school and being nice to people etc without letting her know that I had told him. I'm hoping she realizes that I was never going to back down and it's pointless getting herself in such a state (I am probably expecting a bit much for a 5 year old but who knows). Let's hope I'm not on next month posting the same.

[elandjacksmum]

I'm a big fan of planning ahead so this kind of thing doesn't happen again. Book i couldn't recommend highly enough is 'how to talk to kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'. It really helps you get a lovely close relationship and is good for that age group.