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Behaviour/development

Unbearable nearly 9yo. How would you deal with her?

7 replies

ShelaghTurner · 08/01/2017 11:33

I'm at the end of my tether. She's 9 next week and the most loved and loving child you could ask for. Until she flips. And she can flip over just about anything, in a split second. That's fine, hormones etc, I understand that. But it's how she flips that's the problem.

This morning she got into a fight with dd2 (nearly 5) and it ended up with her slapping me and kicking me. She's an average sized kid, not fat but solid enough and so her kicking is pretty much like being kicked by an adult. She's been sent to her room and had her new iPod confiscated but she keeps coming back to have another go and I'm at the end of my tether. We've tried talking her down, punishments, confiscating things, sending her to her room, trying to talk to her when she's calm, everything you can think of but we're stumped.

In a while what will happen is that she'll come in all meekly with a beautifully written sorry note and she'll mean every word. Until the next time. (She has just come in to apologise and is now sobbing in her room because I "wouldn't forgive her")

I don't know what to do. I already take anti depressants and don't know where to go from here. All I want to do is run away. Anyone got any ideas because it's reaching a critical point and I have nightmares over what she'll be like as a teenager.

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user1477282676 · 08/01/2017 11:43

Can I ask what her diet is like? Does she have much processed foods/sweets/juice or pop?

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ShelaghTurner · 08/01/2017 11:58

No juice or pop, she stopped drinking anything other than water last year. Not too much processed but too many sweets at the moment definitely. I try to limit it but am pretty sure she sneaks more.

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user1477282676 · 08/01/2017 12:02

I noiced that my DD behaved really badly when she'd had certain sweets or even just too much sugar.

If I were you, I'd try to eliminate them. Don't have them about so she can't sneak any whilst you're not looking.

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Ilovecaindingle · 08/01/2017 12:03

My dd went through such a stage. I actually told her she was having a week of early nights with no watching TV together as tbh I didn't want to spend any time with her when she was acting up. Other dd got to stay up and she didn't. The next week she was much better and seems to have turned over a new leaf. ..

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munki · 08/01/2017 12:32

Ive just posted almost the same thread! Glad it's not just me but sorry you're putting up with this too!

My dd also does the sorry notes, she's a sweet sensitive child but seems to have developed a split personality. I'll try to eliminate crap food as that may be an explanation - her diet has been full of crap lately (Christmas!)

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Chrysanthemum5 · 08/01/2017 12:56

This was DD when she was younger. Partly I think it was some difficult times at school but we had a week where her brother was away and she was just lovely. As soon as he came home she was back to being angry, writing sorry notes etc. we had a long chat with her and she admitted that she was jealous of her brother and felt she got no attention. That wasn't trye, but it's how she felt. We agreed that if she felt like that she should tell us, and I started having time on my own with DS and then DD so they both got my full attention.

It has made a world of difference. We don't really get the tempers now, and we can talk things through.

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ShelaghTurner · 08/01/2017 13:27

Thanks for all the suggestions and thoughts. Cutting out junk is definitely on the cards. It's both dds' birthdays this week so we're drowning in sweets and cake at the moment but after this week anything left is going.

When she was younger and started to kick off I used to ask if she wanted to continue like that or have a cuddle and start again. She always went for the cuddle. She's still a very cuddly child so maybe I should resurrect that. She admits herself that a red mist comes down and she gets so angry she can't help herself.

Typically the two of them are playing together angelicly now but yes, most of the conflict comes from squabbles between them, she's fabulous company when I'm on her own with her. Like Chrysanthemum I wouldn't have said dd1 had anything to be jealous about - both girls are loved and cuddled and told that they're loved all the time. But maybe she is jealous and I'll have a talk to her.

It's all calmer now so feels more manageable at the moment but when it kicks off I want to pick up my car keys and just drive till I run out of road.

Thank you. Even just having a rant helped. It all feels too much sometimes and I want to scream.