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9 year old girl - tantrums and horrible behaviour

(10 Posts)
munki Sun 08-Jan-17 11:05:54

My 9-year-old girl has developed some very challenging behaviour that I'm at a loss to deal with and I really need some advice. She's currently wailing and screaming - literally just shrieking at the top of her voice - because she hasn't got her own way over something (for valid reasons). She is out of control. I'm trying to get her to go to her room but she won't and I can't physically get her there.

She's good at school, but the mornings are a nightmare - she just won't get out of bed and every morning we're late, no matter what threats/promises we make. She's just so rude and unpleasant to us - particularly me. In the afternoons, she's fine again.

I can't help but think that this must be mine/my husbands fault but I don't know what to do - any advice?

munki Sun 08-Jan-17 11:07:27

I mean that she didn't get her own way for valid reasons - not that she has valid reasons for wailing and screaming!

munki Sun 08-Jan-17 12:26:20

And just to be clear, this wasn't a one-off, the tantrums keep happening and she just doesn't seem to be able to control herself when she doesn't get her own way

RubyWinterstorm Sun 08-Jan-17 12:35:22

Is she very tired? How much sleep does she get? How much screen time?

munki Sun 08-Jan-17 12:40:58

She probably is tired, she doesn't go to sleep until really late sp i know it's an issue. We have a policy of no screens upstairs, in bed by 8 (really difficult any earlier as we all don't get home till after 6 four nights a week and I need to give her a proper dinner as she doesn't get one at after school childcare. However she will just lie awake, often come downstairs later. If anyone has any tips on ways to get them to actually fall asleep I'd love to hear them!

juliascurr Sun 08-Jan-17 12:51:33

these people were helpful

recent research shows children benefit from waking up later

hope things improve

notagiraffe Sun 08-Jan-17 12:59:02

If it's recent, there could be loads of reasons:

It could be a hormone surge - they get them so young these days and it's like PMT but with only 9 years experience of how to handle it.

Or she could be coming down with a winter bug.

Or she could have developed a sensitivity to sugar or food colouring which was exacerbated over the Christmas period when there's so many more sweet stuff about.

A lot of people disagree with this method, because they think it's too soft on the misbehaving child, but I always use positive discipline methods as they are the quickest way to diffuse tantrums.

Make a cosy area in a neutral space - cushions, blanket or duvet and say you can see she's upset and if she'd like to snuggle up in this little den you've made her until she feels better, she can. It's there if she needs it. Then ignore her. That makes her feel loved, but also teaches her that she's in control of her own emotions and that the aim is to calm down, not to be punished or for one of you to be victorious in a pointless battle.

munki Sun 08-Jan-17 21:11:13

Thanks for your advice, she had her lights turned off at eight tonight and I've had a chat with her about trying to go to sleep a bit earlier, she's got her lights off so I hope she's dropped off by now.

TheAntiBoop Sun 08-Jan-17 21:20:53

Ds is the same age. He's always been a good sleeper but since he turned 8 he struggled. We pushed his bedtime back to 8.30 and he reads in his room from 7.30. He falls asleep much better now and still gets at least ten hours sleep.

Having spoken to his friends mums he has the earliest bedtime!!

Tbear1 Mon 23-Apr-18 20:20:15

Hi, my daughter is 9 and has changed dramatically over the pass two months, being aggressive, screaming, slamming doors, saying really hurtful things and going quite crazy at times. We have discussed and written up house rules, have a token system for screen time and have tried to be consistent with consequences (10 mins earlier to bed for every rule break, or for worse behaviour a days screen ban. We have talked about expressing anger in a responsible way and given her space to chill out, but we are still getting these sudden uncontrollable tantrums for the smallest thing especially when she’s tired. Please can anyone give me any advice as I’m at a loss to know what I’m doing wrong 😩

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