Discipline techniques

[Savibu123]

I need some help please...

My 5 year old son tripped another boy over at school (supposedly by accident) and the boy has broken his collar bone.

The school have phoned me about the incident to let me know what happened and have said that he has received his punishment at school (timeout).

I have 2 major concerns about this particular incident and I'm just after some advice on how to deal with it when he gets home from school today.

First concern is that he potentially did this on purpose. The "victim" is someone who he doesn't usually play with and he refers to him as a "naughty boy". I'm worried that if this was done on purpose it is clearly a form of bullying and obviously I cannot allow that to continue.

My second concern is his habit to lie. When the teacher asked him what happened he lied and said that he fell over elsewhere. He has a habit of not telling the truth and I feel bad that I have not been able to nip this in the bud earlier.

If anyone has any advice as to how I deal with both these issues I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

When he gets home from school, I'd give him a drink and a snack, try to do something with him, like play a game or go for a walk. Then casually bring it up in conversation that the schoo, have called and told you what happened today with x. Have a chat about how awful it must be for x and get him to make x a get well soon card.

I think you've just got to accept school's verdict on it being an accident. Afterall, yiu weren't there, yiu haven't seen what happened before and he's already been punished. Although why they would punish him if he is innocent is beyond me, but that's an issue for you to take up with them, not with your DS. Perhaps call them again before the end of the school day and request a quick meeting to discuss the incident?

As for general discipline, have you tried The No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley?

[Savibu123]

Thank you, I will do all that.

With regards to him being in trouble at school. Apparently they were playing roughly prior to this incident. 3 of them involved. All happy but with rough play including pushing over. My son admitted to pushing him over but apparently this wasn't the time when the major incident occurred! The school asked boys who witnessed the incident who said that they saw him trip over but that they didn't see my son put his foot out in order to trip him over. The 2 boys including my son were given a time out after the "victim" had been taken to hospital!!!

I will download that book to my Kindle. Thank you for that. We've never had to deal with much of this as my eldest has been no trouble at all.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

It does sound like he may have a bit of an issue with this boy, could this boy be bullying him? What are the school doing to stop rough play in the playground? Sounds as though some closer supervision may be required on there part.

If the issues continue with this one child, could you request a class move for next year? Never an option to us sadly as my DC attended such a small school.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

*their.

[Savibu123]

Thank you for your help. I'll have a chat with my son tonight and see if I can get any further information from him. Unfortunately a change of class isn't an option as only 1 class per year group.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

That is the same as our school. Whilst we had a few issues along the way the plus points have been that they've had to learn to get along with everyone, a very useful skill to take into adult life, and DC1s class are still a very tight bunch even though he's now in Y8.

[Savibu123]

So I have spoken to my son. After a few alternative suggestions from him about what happened we have ended up with the scenario that he was playing with his friends when this other boy decided to join in. My son and his friend didn't want him to join in so he pushed him over. Apparently he pushed him over more than once but I haven't been able to get a specific number out of him. Then his friend pushed him over. Then as he was walking towards my son he stuck his legs out (he tells me because his legs were sweaty but clearly not) and the boy tripped over! 😢 Clearly this is what he meant to do. And 100% they were bullying him. Just imagine what that poor boy felt. Can't believe this is my son!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Ok, so that's going to be hard for you to live with. He won't have much understanding of the consequences or how you feel though. How are yiu going to handle it from here? Have you spoken to the school again?

If it was me, I'd remove any devices or if he doesn't have any, a favourite toy for the rest of the day. Give him a few things to try if he has someone wanting to play with him and he doesn't want them to. I'd repeat that conversation on Sunday evening too.

Definitely get him to make the little boy an apology card. He needs to own up and apologise to everyone.