Carnage over Nintendo DS tonight

[CookieTramp]

Just looking for support and perspective on what I could have done differently with my 8yo tonight.

After his little brother went to bed I said he could have half an hour on his Nintendo DS, playing his Pokemon game. After half an hour I told him it was time to stop. He said he was "in the middle of a battle" so I let it slide for a bit. 10 minutes later I told him again, stop now. I told him over and over and he just kept playing. He is a good boy and he was getting more and more stressed while playing, clearly in its evil grip. So I said if you don't stop, there will be consequences. Still didn't stop. I told him again, loudly, and he said "i am sorry! This is a battle!" (They don't last longer han 6 minutes, though!).

So I am afraid I did lose my temper and not really seeing straight. I took a black bag and went to his room, putting most of his lego in it and took it out to the shed. He was extremely distressed by this point... yet still playing?!

So I went full force yelling, which I hardly ever do. He was scared. I said the price he paid for his extra 30 mins playing was most of his lego and he loses the Nintendo DS for a week. "If you can't stick to the rules, you can't play."

So there was lots of distress and screaming and sobbing and practically hyperventilating (mostly him but I was pretty upset too!). Finally got him to calm down by hugging him but refused to go back on what I said. Said nothing was broken, or thrown away, and I love him just the same (he always worries love is gone at every argument). I did agree to bring the Lego back in and put it in the garage because he was worried about it being stolen.

He in bed now. Hiccuping from sobbing so much, I can hear.

What would you have done? I feel like I should not have lost my temper, but also not sure what i should have done.

Ideas? Perspective? I feel awful because it got to such screaming distressing carnage and feel like I should have done something differently. Had such a hard day with my 3yo before all this began so I could not think clearly.

[CotswoldStrife]

I'd have just sat with him until he finished the battle and then taken it off him. I don't think taking the Lego was a good idea, just keep the focus on the DS but yes, I'd have barred further use too (and have once stopped DD from using the laptop apart from homework for a week)!

Easy to say in hindsight though, so don't beat yourself up about it. He just needs to know you are serious which does mean sticking to what you say which you did.

[CotswoldStrife]

Removed it after the half-hour when he first said battle I meant and probably would have gone postal a lot earlier than you did, I admire your patience especially after a hard day

[CookieTramp]

The battle was just an excuse. He had clearly started at least 2 more after I said it was time to stop.

Taking the Lego was a bad idea, yes :-(. I think I just wanted to hit where it hurts, and he loves his Lego. It is a bit askew, but me threatening to ban the game had no effect either.

I think he is asleep now and I am still all a-churn and beating myself up.

[Toffeelatteplease]

Go give him a hug now.

Return the lego, keep the DS until you feel he is doing as he is told when he is told.

Sit and explain tomorrow that sometimes we can get tied up in video games and it can be hard to stop. you do understand but that we still have to be responsible and do as we are told when we are told to do it. If he can't be sensible with his DS then you will have to do it for him. But you'd rather he was sensible himself.

[CookieTramp]

I heard a noise just now and went up. He was still awake. Thank you, Toffeelatte! I said what you suggested, and he looks so much happier. He said "I know" when I said "but you still have to stick to the rules." It really really helped! I feel too scrambled to come up with something like that. It really put it to bed. I feel tons better! I said he can have his lego back after school tomorrow but the ban on the game still stands.

Thank you thank you thank you!

[Toffeelatteplease]

The hug is for you as much as him btw so doesn't matter if he's already asleep you can still do it.

[Toffeelatteplease]

Good result!!

[CookieTramp]

Amazing how you can just not see the wood for the trees sometimes.

Man, that was a shit day!

[LuchiMangsho]

I would have just removed the game? Taken it away/shut it down. And told him he couldn't have it for a week. And then he could have it in stages.
The Lego thing is a red herring because he didn't stop playing as a result of it. But stick to your guns.
Yes he was hysterical but he was very much in the wrong. He knows it. It is fine for him to know that parents reach the end of their tether as well. Especially when he has been repeatedly defiant. I am a hard arse though and don't feel guilty about discipline too much. I don't shout or scream too much but we have instant consequences (although before I sound smug, there was hell at bedtime today out of the blue over something so trivial it was absurd) and the kids know Mummy very much means business. My mother was like that- very affectionate but also strict so I guess that's the model I follow in a mostly guilt free manner. (Although today's bedtime meltdown was epic and I handled it badly and ended up shouting at everyone including MIL who clearly thinks I am a nutter).

[LuchiMangsho]

X post. Clearly the end of your day was better than mine!!!! 😂😂

[DearMrDilkington]

I agree with luchi, I would have just taken the Nintendo off him.

I also wouldn't give him the Lego back yet, but apologise for shouting and ask if he would like to also apologise for not giving your the Nintendo when you asked for it. Then stick to the punishment you arranged and calmly explain why.

[CookieTramp]

It all turns to shit sometimes, Luchi! Sounds like you have it under control a really good chunk of the time.

I try to be strict but slip into passive aggression sometimes when tired, which is awful, I know. I am not good at making things happen when i say they should happen.

I quickly feel sorry for them. My mum says that is my biggest problem, and I think she is right. I feel guilty and undermine myself as a result.

I just could not bring myself to snatch the bloody thing off him, though. Plus I had a dim idea that he should be the one to hit "off".

[CookieTramp]

I did apologise for shouting, in that last little talk. So glad I did. I do it so rarely, full force like that, so it scared him.

[ToastieRoastie]

I had similar with my DC. Is there a long battle tournament thing on the Pokémon game where you can't save progress?

It took him 20min to finish a battle and I was getting wound up with him, but he was close to crying and saying that he couldn't save it. He usually comes off DS and games when I ask him to, so wondered if there is some epic battle where you really can't leave it without losing.