Is this the right thing to do in your opinion?

[juicychops]

my ds had a massive tantrum today so i warned him twice then put him in his push chair. He continued the tantrum and i refused to pay him attention other than saying things like 'mummy wont listen until you stoy screaming and talk nicely'. I dont want him to think he will get attention from me when he bahaves like this

He continued like this for about 20 mins and i just stood still behind the push chair as i was getting stressed. A woman came over and said 'they all do that its not very nice is it'. I thought thats nice, having a bit of sympathy for a change rather than dirty 'bad mother'looks.

But then she said "you should get him out and just give him a cuddle thats all he wants. They do this for attention"

I said i will, but when he's stopped all this. She gave me a 'bad mother' look then walked off.

Am i doing the wrong thing then?

[edam]

No, don't think so. Although I suppose some people would argue if you use the pushchair as a punishment, he might take a dislike to it.

[NadineBaggott]

I'd agree with you.

A cuddle and a talking to once he's calmed down.

[Gingeme]

Definately the right thing. Ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good. Has alway worked with my lot and still does now of sorts. Well done and keep it up.

[GillL]

I agree with you juicychops. If you give him a cuddle while he's having a tantrum then he'll keep doing it. I've watched a lot of Supernanny and she always gets parents to take this approach because it teaches kids that to get attention they have to be good.

[isaidno]

you are right - cuddle after tantrum is over

[JodieG1]

I would cuddle during to calm him down and not make it a battle of wills or power struggle personally.

[Cocobabe]

my dd is 3yrs 4mth ..and like most of you i cuddle after she has calmed down . Let them sulk/cry until theyve calmed down that way they will realise their tantrums dont work to get what they want !Take no notice of wot they say to you in public!

[yomellamoHelly]

Don't see you have another option when you're out tbh. It's also what I do except I don't talk to ds1. Have tried holding ds1 in my arms 'til he's calmed down, but I'm not strong enough (he's 3 1/4).

[snowleopard]

I'm with Jodie, I cuddle and reassure during the tantrum, and gently try to distract him, eg at thhe supermarket I showed him the veg weighing scales. It took 20 mins but he did eventually calm down and want to play with them.

I see a tantrum as the child having lost control and not being able to help it - they are hysterical, just as adults sometimes get hysterical when they have panic attacks etc. I don't like withdrawing affection for that reason. However my DS is still under 2, he's a Precious FirstBorn and I'm willing to accept I might be an old softie. But - I think Supernanny is a meanie.

[eemie]

Offering a cuddle during a tantrum will not calm him down anyway.

I knew this in theory, but found it hard to believe. When my dd started having tantrums I found out the hard way. If I made the slightest move towards her, or even audibly breathed, during a tantrum she'd start all over again.

Once I schooled myself to pay no attention at all (so long as she was in a safe place) the tantrums soon vanished away. Sometimes it meant she tantrummed herself to sleep.

As for 'that's all he wants' - I don't believe for a second that a tantrumming child knows what he/she wants. (They may have known what they wanted before they started).

[tubismybub]

Would be impossible to cuddle DS during a melt down, but definately a big cuddle when calm.

Would agree about gentle distraction techniques as I think once they get them into this state they need your help to get out of it.

Can't imagine how you managed to get him in a buggy when having a tantrum