Immature 6.5 year old DD(10 Posts)
Hi all, looking for some perspective here.
Just come back from a week spent visiting family and staying with my S-I-Ls. During that time, I had to put up with lots of comments about my DD's eating - she eats not too much at the best of times but was tired, run down with a cold and jet lagged which meant that she was eating less than normal, at least for the first few days until her appetite returned. She is also quite picky - always has been since she was weaned, very particular about textures, prefers foods that aren't too saucy, etc.
She is very slim, although we have had her height/weight checked by the doctor who said it was normal, but this fuels the fire for my in laws over her eating.
My S-I-L, along with the food debates, asked me if I've had her checked by the doctor for "developmental issues". I asked her what exactly she was talking about. She said that compared to her DD (my niece), she didn't see much difference developmentally, despite the fact that my niece is a year younger. For example, my niece can do a 100 piece jigsaw, my DD can also, but lacks confidence to try it without coaxing.
I am annoyed about my interfering in laws, but even so, I am now feeling niggling doubts about whether what she said is something I should worry about.
My DS is 9, and the oldest in his year, very bright, super confident, everything comes easily to him. While I don't think it's right to compare, my DD is the opposite in many wasy - shy, and lacking in confidence. She is one of the youngest in her class. She acts very young for her age - still loves Peppa Pig and other shows for younger kids as an example. She was particularly clingy to me throughout most of our trip, and in general really wants a lot of reassurance and hand holding to do most things. She has made a lot of progress in the last year on her reading and writing, but it is still well below average for her class. I've discussed this with her teacher who was not overly concerned - felt it was too early to test her for any learning difficulties, and that with extra help (she gets daily support on reading and writing) she will continue to make progress.
I don't even know what the issue could be if she is developing slowly. I also was not a massively confident child and didn't do terribly well for the first couple of years, but had a big leap forward later on. I am really torn, on the one hand I'm angry with myself for letting my S-I-L make me have doubts about my lovely, sweet DD, and I'm also scared that I'm not doing enough to get help for her if there is an issue. I've got someone in mind lined up to discuss her eating with to see what we can do there, but I just don't know who or where I could go to discuss if there is a developmental issue.
Or perhaps I'm just overthinking the whole thing and should tell my S-I-L to butt out.
Anyone have any advice? TIA
I should just add, S-I-L has a lot of previous form for commenting on our kids vs. their kids. For a long time it was DS's behaviour (he was a very boisterous child). This is the first time it's been DD in the crosshairs.
Your SIL doesn't sound very nice to me. Even if she was genuinely worried about your DD, that is no way to raise it.
Someone has to be below average. Also, some kids just don't get on well with doing jigsaws! It's hardly conclusive of anything. I also know plenty of kids who still like Peppa Pig despite being pastthe 'prime' age for it.
If you are really concerned I would see your GP. Not sure why the teacher would say it's 'too early' to test for learning difficulties, but I would also in general be looking to her teacher's opinion.
As for being clingy while at your ILs, she's quite likely picking up on them being critical towards her. You know your DD better than they do.
Its hard to know without more info on what she actually can do or not etc. The jigsaw is meaningless to me as my DD at 6.5 would have had no interest in that. Can she ride a bike, climb a tree, colour acturately, read a book, hit a ball, do maths, navigate the TV and remote, dress herself, make craft stuff... things that 6-7 year olds can normally do?
Thanks everyone. Tbh, my SIL is mostly lovely but does tend to be very harsh about somethings, especially the kids. Sometimes I wonder if it's an insecurity thing - trying to prove their kids are better than ours.
In terms of what she can do - Ride a bike - no, but to be fair, she mostly scoots. Climb a tree - not much interest, but can climb on playground equipment. Colour accurately - definitely, loves colouring. Dress herself - yes, although prefers to have us do buttons. Read a book - yes, fairly basic, but improving. Navigate the TV - yes. Crafts - loves them, prefers help but can do basic stuff. Maths - one area she does OK in - probably average for her age.
My very bright 15 year old has never done a jigsaw and didn't learn to ride a bike until she was 9.
Kids are all different and develop at their own pace.
I wish everyone would stop comparing and just let us enjoy the kids we've got.
If you are happy with where she is ignore your sil.
I also really hope they are not talking about eating in front of your DD - as long as she is healthy food does not need to be raised as an issue.
Maybe your dd appears shy /less confident because she is sensitive and/or an introvert - both of which are lovely things to be.
My dd would hang back in that sort of situation too because she'd be taking so much in.
Everyone's different - enjoy your dd as she is and don't listen to that negative crap.
Of course it's impossible to know over the internet, but from what you've said, your DD sounds absolutely fine and your SIL needs to stop interfering and criticising your kids.
sounds normal to me. Was trying to think of non academic routine things my DD did at the same age that most of her friends could do. Get up, get dressed, serve herself breakfast, put on tv, navigate channels, tidy toys, build lego, colour in quite neatly, put on TV and find stuff on demand to watch, choose appropriate books, bath herself etc
She could do lots of other stuff but that was stuff like sports via clubs she did e.g. she could swim but that was because she had lessons and not all her friends could, she could so lots of gymnatsics stuff she she did gym classes etc
I actively enjoyed watching children's cartoons up until the age of about 11 or 12. Hasn't stopped me from being academically and professionally successful.
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