Help needed for 22m getting out of bed and who thinks rapid return is a GREAT game(18 Posts)
DS is 22m old. He has been in his cot bed (with sides off) for a few months and has really been doing well. He sleeps well anyway and has stayed in bed, just recently started to get out in the morning, but if it was a bit early quite happy to go back to bed for another half hour, no fuss.
Last night he suddently decided to get out of bed after I had put him down. He had the usual, milk, bath, story. His sister goes to bed after him so he is used to hearing us stomping about outside and her going to bed. Normally no problem. He started to appear, so did the 'bedtime sweetheart' took him back. Next time, just 'bedtime' and so on and so on for the next 1 1/2 hrs. I was completely silent, not looking at him and just led him back. He thought it was hysterical. If I sat on the landing, when he saw me he said 'boo' and ran back to bed, leaping on it and getting in before I could get him. If I sat down the stairs he would walk to the top, stand, wait for me to turn to go towards him, then laugh hysterically and run back to bedroom. If I did manage to grab him then that was even more fun. I did manage to keep my temper (miracle), only yelled LIE DOWN at him once, made no difference. I normally have to do the bedtime for both of them on my own.
HELP, any suggestions? DD is 3.8, very good, thinks he is a pain in the a**se and pretty much slept through all of this so no worries there.
Ignore him. Be very matter of fact, not cross at all and tell him "when you're in bed call and I'll come and tuck you in", then walk away. That way you're not playing so it's not fun. If he does it again, just ignore him. He'll soon learn it's boring. Works every time with my DS.
At one point I went downstairs and just left him to it. Could hear him on the landing, so thought maybe he would get bored and go to bed but thats when he went in DD's room and started yelling AH, AH (his version of her name) to try and get her up. Will try this but not sure if he has the level of understanding for it at the moment.
Poor you - can totally see how having another complicates things. Is she old enough to get her to ignore him too? + as for understanding, well I'd bet he will get it. Even if he just gets upset because he's not getting what he wants. We started it about your DS's age and I was amazed, but he totally got it. Think with ours it was something about control and giving him the power back. They're all so different though..
ps: my mum told me that she tied me into my bed with baby reins to stop me getting out...!
Thanks Smee. Yes, DD will quite happily ignore him if I tell her to so thats a good idea. Mmm, the baby reins we have a set hanging from the coat rack in the hall, better hide them from DH, he reads MN and is even more fed up with DS than I am. It was quite comical really, but it won't be if its repeated every night.
I asked my mum how she did it with my older brother a few months ago as I was approaching that time with DS1 - she said she told him that if he got up he would get a smacked bottom - she hastily added that she wouldn't have done it that way in retrospect!
I just told DS (and got him to repeat) that 'mummy will be very cross' if he gets out of bed. So far so good...
So, tonight started off well. Got him in bed, he immdiately started laughing and trying to get out. Told him very sternly that Mummy would be very cross if he got out, tucked him in and left him. Did books with DD in her room, not a peep from him. Great or so I thought. Just as I had finished with DD he appeared. Took him straight back, just said bedtime. Said goodnight to DD and came downstairs. He then started again. Could hear him on the landing, left him but he then started to go up the stairs into our loft room, so had to retrieve him. I came back downstairs, he came out again so I stayed put. Heard him go back in his room and shut the door. Then he couldn't get the door open . He finally managed to and went up the loft stairs again, so I went to get him. He had also done a dirty nappy WTF, he never does one at that time. So changed him, left him again and at the moment all quiet! I have got a meeting at my house tomorrow at 7.30pm. Don't hold out much hope for that
Wags, do feel for you, but it will get better! At 20months my dd decided to climb out of her cot constantly so we got her a bed and that's where our fun started! The first 2 weeks were complete hell, she would get out of bed constantly and thought it was great fun. But then I decided to get tough and just like Supernanny keep putting her back into bed and keep completely quiet and keep calm. I actually took a tally and the first 3 nights she came out more than 30 (!) times, she just followed me out the room. But eventually she got the message that it was quite boring and tiring and decided to just stay put! Recently decorated another room for her and she tried to go back to her old ways but I used the same routine as before and she very quickly cottoned on that there is no point. Keep persevering and try to stay calm even though it's really difficult! Good luck.
Absolutely agree - stay calm, boring and totally consistent. A large glass of wine helps - for you not him
WAgs, its a nightmare isn't it? We had this with our dts, eventually we had to empty the room of all furniture, make it safe and leave them to it. We tried the rapid return and it just didn't produce results. My theory now, is that it works better on a child who has never settled themselves, as one who has is, winning on the attention front even if you don't say anything.
It was a real pain, as bits of furniture are still littering our landing and bathroom, and I did find it hard to just close them in, but it was the only thing that worked in the end.
Dr Greens rope trick, is where you secure the door open just enough that they can see light, but not enough for them to get out. I was going to try that, if they had been too upset about being shut in.
trnoff all the lights or put a stairgate on his door which is wha twe did without dd...tell them the stairgate will come off if they agree to stay in bed
What about a change of tack. Rapid return didnt work for us and I didnt want to turn my son's room into a baby jail.
When my son was younger I used to sit in a chair close to the door. This gave my son reassurance. If my son wanted me to stay he HAD to stay in bed. The light was off and the only light was his night light. I did not talk to him and it was extremely boring.
If my son climbed out of his bed then I left the room and shut the door. (Essentially giving him two minutes time out)
Once my son was used to going to bed happily I got him to settle by going in and out of the room. I would tell him I was going to toilet or I was going to see his father for a minute. I would gradually make the intervals of me being out of the room longer. My son now settles quickly and easily and usually sleep through the night.
I have 3.4yo twins and I have only just got them to bed in the new year, we did the 'super nanny' approach (over 200 times a night) we were exhausted, gave up and tried again 2 weeks later, we chose to ignore them (we all went to bed though) and we listened to screaming for 20 minutes and then they just toddle off to bed, and have had no problems since, AT LAST! sleep!
IGNORE! good luck
Our DS1 tried this with us. we put him in his new big boys room in his new big boys bed when he was two. He thought getting up after we had put him to bed was a marvellous game. I tried rapid return, not saying a word, over and over again, but it was if he thought it was a game I WANTED to play, and he would do it for me as a big favour. He would open the dor, see me there, "help me out" by lifitng up his arms and turning around to face the bed, to make it easier for me to put him back in, over and over and over and over........
..........in the end, a stair gate on his door, turing all lights off, going about my business in my room or on the landing, ignoring him standing at his door watching and then going downstairs without a word totally infuriated him and he would shotu in protest. Afetr leaving him to do this for ten minutes or so, I went back up, silently put him back in bed, and that did the trick. He occasioanlly will get up again still after being put down, but never more than twice, and if he did I would ignore him again to remind him that it's now bedtime, so if he wants to stand at his door in the dark with no attention, then that is up to him....
Oooooh, I'm a mean cruel mummy......
and tonight he was...... an angel. Straight to bed, not a peek from him. Having said that he is running a bit of a temp and seemed off colour! But definately ignoring him worked as its not a separation issue or anything like that he just wants to have fun and wind me up. Will probably put a stair gate on the stairs leading to the loft room, then if he does start again he can only go on the landing so hoping he will tire of that. Thanks for all the suggestions.
so shoot me now for being so bloody smug to think I had cracked it in 2 nights. He decided to launch his game at 2.30am instead . Took him back, first, then ignored him second time. Third time he went back in his room himself and was opening and shutting the door. His door is quite stiff, so I went down and helped him..... shut the door that is. Can I join you IamBlossom in being a cruel Mummy? Anyway, it worked, he went back to bed and I could immediately hear his snuggly noises that he makes when he is going to sleep. He still has high temp but hasn't seemed to stop him being a little bu**er!
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