Lost my shit!

[user1481831548]

I lost my shit with my daughter who is 4. Recently she's been pushing the boundaries. She refused to eat dinner and threw a massive tantrum and started hitting me. So I sent her to her room, only for her to scream at me and started throwing things down the stairs. So I put her coat and shoes on and told her I was taking her to the monsters and sending her away. I put her in the car and drove her to the shop. She was so upset. I explained to her about her behaviour and she said she was sorry. We drove home and she has been good as gold.
I just feel ever so guilty!!!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I'm not going to say this is ok but was wondering where this comes from? Did your mother do things like this to you?

[user1481831548]

That is irrelevant. But thinking about it im not even sure where it come from. I needed to teach her that her behaviour was unacceptable.

[Wolfiefan]

But not like that. She needs to learn that her behaviour is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it. Not that she risks being eaten if she displeases you.

[HeCantBeSerious]

That's pretty horrendous to be honest. We all have bad days. Scaring her like that wasn't on.

[catchthetide]

That's the sort of thing my mum used to do to me. I now pay £50 an hour to tell my therapist about it because of the damage it has done into my childhood.

Please find more appropriate ways of disciplining your child. Totally ignoring her when she started throwing things would have been better - ignore until the tantrum stops, then calmly support her to tidy up any mess. If she is losing it so much that she is hurting herself or others, then carry her to her room and pull her door closed - all without talking. Reward the good, ignore the bad.

[catchthetide]

Into adulthood, not childhood.

[Branleuse]

thats not losing your shit, thats quite deliberatly cruel.

[HeCantBeSerious]

I wouldn't use her bedroom to discipline. It should be a safe space for her, not somewhere she associates with punishment.

[SoupDragon]

Yeah...

[insan1tyscartching]

That's really nasty, I thought you were going to say you'd yelled at her Can you ask your HV about parentingclasses so that you learn better ways to handle dd's behaviour?

[alotlikeChristmas16]

I think you'll end up petrifying her, we all lose our shit, I thought this was going to be about you shouting at her (guilty), but taking her to monsters is scary, and then at some point she won't trust you. Plan strategies for bad behaviour so you don't think in the moment - it helped me mostly not to lose my temper. Nothing works that well in the moment. Have you talked to her about et she's started behaving badly?

[BdumBdummer]

Phew! You know it wasn't the right thing to do. As others have said, plan something a lot less melodramatic next time.

[Christmascheerful]

Shes 4!!!!!! Poor girl I remember being younger maybe 3 and my mum used to do things like that if she had argued with her partner. Put me in the car and tell me we were going far aaway... actually traumatising and had affect on my adult relationships. Please don't do this

[MapMyMum]

Can I ask if shes started school this year or pre school? Because that can knacker them out so totally that they literally cannot control their emotions. I have a 5yr old going through exactly that, and although its still very hard to deal with and its absolutely not accpetable, because I know it is coming from a little person that is physically and mentally shattered, I deal with it with from a compassionate point of view and not a cross one. It does seem to make a big difference.

[GlitterGlue]

That's horrible. Really, really horrible.

Pretty much everyone loses their shit at some point, but you don't terrify them. You remove privileges etc.

[debbs77]

Don't blame you. We have a tiger that will visit if she doesn't be nice

[Patriciathestripper1]

I don't blame you either op. My mum used to threaten us with the children's home!
My friends mum use to beat the shit out of her. Know which one I prefer!

[BastardBernie]

I think four year olds have so much going on; everyone's talking about this new thing called school, not a full blown child but not a toddler either, new responsibilities and expectations of them.
I don't think you should do that approach again. What were you thinking whilst putting on her coat, walking her to the car, driving along etc? I think we know what she was thinking and how she was feeling
Maybe next time you should empathise (I know you're tired/not hungry) tell her why (we don't act like that is this family/house as it makes others upset) give her bait (when you decide to be a big girl we can finish the jigsaw) and with a deep voice consequence (if you continue Emily you're going to your room as none of us want to hear this).
I normally give a second chance (where's my lovely Emily gone? It's not too late to calm down and sit with us nicely)
Then zero tolerance for the rest of the day. Straight to room for any hint of rudeness.
That's my opinion anyway. Good luck

[Azmond12345]

I've recently done the exact same thing with my 4 year old! I felt terribly guilty afterwards. It is the wrong thing to do. But we all loose our shit at some point. Learn from it and move on. You haven't hit her or shouted at her, it will not scar her for life.

[HeCantBeSerious]

You haven't hit her or shouted at her, it will not scar her for life.

Do you think they're the only things that damage children?