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DD3 has some serious attachment ishooooooos Any ideas?

(37 Posts)
lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 16:26:37

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JanH Fri 16-Feb-07 16:28:44

Oh dear, lockets - how long has she been like this? 6 months is about right for acute separation anxiety I think (??? haven't been here for a while!)

No help to offer but huge sympathy for you all (esp dd1 & 2), hope someone can help.

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 16:32:55

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JanH Fri 16-Feb-07 16:35:04

Since 3 months? eek.

Is it only you that will do, or is she OK with WMF? Does she have any cuddlies that help?

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 16:46:40

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gpops Fri 16-Feb-07 16:47:58

again, no solution, but just to let you know that my little DD was / is the same, and whilst she is now 2 3/4, and goes to nursery three days a week - I am her world - she follows me about everywhere, will walk away from Cbeebies to just come and sit in the bathroom / bedroom / kitchen to be close - it is really strange. Her older DS gets his 'quality' cuddles and she suffers this with due forbearance, but I guess all I can really input to you is to say she may never really be happy to be seperated from you, and sometimes that can be hard...and sooooooo heartbreaking to see the sad and hurt little face! But - enjoy these times, something to remember when she is a stroppy teenager.....!

frances5 Fri 16-Feb-07 16:48:15

Buy a sling? Huggababy slings are much better for spreading the weight. Infact I carriaged my three year old son in one occassionally.

JanH Fri 16-Feb-07 16:51:13

Some strategies here though it sounds as if you have been there and done that already...

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 16:52:02

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lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 16:54:00

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JanH Fri 16-Feb-07 16:55:21

Well Kitty has started good and early so maybe she'll get over it early too [fingers crossed!]

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 17:32:29

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blueshoes Fri 16-Feb-07 17:34:20

Hi lockets, I have only had velcro babies, so sympathise.

Can dd3 be put down at all? For example, after a good nap and feed, will she be on her back for, say, 10 mins? Sometimes, the stillness spooks them, so I might put dd in the buggy and wheel her around/rock her as I try to get some chores done (must say this does not work with ds though). Will dd3 be happy with you sitting down and her on your lap?

Does she sleep/nap well?

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 17:39:59

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lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 18:11:06

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blueshoes Fri 16-Feb-07 18:40:33

Right, this is my life with velcro babies - basically, I try to work around their moods, esp when they are so little.

So I store up my tasks/chores for the times when I know baby is in a good mood - then adapt as they get progressively agitated ... eg if dd3 will play on the ground with you around, I would put dd3 a mat on the floor next to the sink and do washing up as I make comical faces and dip in and out of her face. Then perhaps doorway bouncer for as long as dd3 can tolerate whilst I tidy around her. When she starts to fuss, pick her up in sling and do easier tasks eg. opening and reading mail. Once dd3 is getting tired and edgy, then put down to nap. (only in my dd/ds' case, that involves even more charades, but I shall spare you that).

You could use nap times to bond with your other 2. Do cooking etc

It is a bit of a farce, I know

blueshoes Fri 16-Feb-07 18:43:44

Lockets, there is light. The good news is that separation anxiety will ease. My dd's started at 5 months and started easing off at 9 months. I think by 18 months she was neutral between me or dh/grandma.

In my dd's case, she will always more clingy than other children. But it does get easier once she started sitting up, crawling, walking and gains independence. Then she can do more things for herself. At 3.5 years, she is now the cuddliest, most loving big sister to her baby brother I could ask for. This velcro-ness hides a delightful toddler and child hth

FrannyandZooey Fri 16-Feb-07 18:45:29

Lockets, I don't know if this is any help but in many cultures you would be revered as a top mother, for having succeeded in making the child / mother bond so strong

My ds was of the velcro variety when younger but has developed into an independent soul. Have you got a ring sling so she can ride sitting up on your hip? This shouldn't be too heavy, as the weight is distributed across your pelvis as well as on your shoulder, and you can carry children up to 2 stone in this way. I agree I think it does get worse if you battle against it. It will pass. Honestly.

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 21:42:31

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lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 22:59:22

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Jimjams2 Fri 16-Feb-07 23:18:26

ds3 was like this. I bought an ergo and a didymous (spelling?). 3rd babies. They're nutters

Seriously though as a 2 year old he's still a bit of a cling around the leg type and he follows me everywhere at home, but he goes to nursery few a few sessions and is quite happy and comfortable doing that.

I found a comfortable sling the only way to go until he started being able to move more himself, then he was happy as he could follow me.

lockets Fri 16-Feb-07 23:58:59

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FrannyandZooey Sat 17-Feb-07 09:40:27

Oh lockets, do get a ring sling - the front and back sort can make it so heavy and painful to carry them. With a ring sling an older baby can be basically in the same position as when you are carrying them on your hip, but they are supported by the fabric and you can have your hands free, so it doesn't tire your arms supporting them. It's a lovely way for a child to spend the day - at almost face height with an adult, watching the world from their perspective.

Jimjams2 Sat 17-Feb-07 10:52:02

I found ring slings really uncomfortable. I only ever used to get an older child from nursery, and back to the car (as far easier to pop in and out than a front/back carrier). had high hopes as well. Might be worth borrowing one to see if it suits you though.

FrannyandZooey Sat 17-Feb-07 13:30:43

I think fairly frequent use starting with a young child helps, Jimjams, as of course it is easier to build up the necessary muscles more slowly, but I've known people who couldn't get on with them even with a baby. Where was it uncomfortable?

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