16 month pushing/hitting

[waitingforsomething]

DS has a very recently (last couple of weeks) developed habit of pushing and ocassionally hitting other children. It has come out of the blue a bit and DC1 never had a phase like this so I'm looking for some advice. Until now he has been a very gentle, chilled out little boy with the odd tantrum that passes quickly.

The pushing seems to come every time he has somebody in his space - so if it's a climbing frame, or a large toy at a playgroup he will physically push the other child out the way. Hitting is reserved for when he is having a tantrum and is usually aimed at me or my DD.

In both cases I take his hand away with a firm 'No pushing/hitting, it's no nice' and remove him. I also show him how to be gentle and with his sister I ask him to give her a kiss. I know he is young so probably doesn't understand consquence very well and I know I need to be consistent but is there anything else I can do to nip this in the bud? I'm worried he's going to be impossible to take anywhere or become a very difficult child. He is bigger than most children his age too which doesn't help.

Is this a normal phase? Does anyone have experience that they can share on how they dealt with it?

[AmberEars]

My DS2 went through this phase at the same age. It lasted until he was 26 months, and it was so stressful and frustrating as I tried so hard to stop him and nothing worked! Like you, I'd never been through this with his older siblings, so I was unprepared for it.

The good news is, he came out the other side and is now a gentle, well behaved 7yo. I honestly would never have believed I'd be writing that a few years ago!

My tips are: helicopter parenting. If you think he might hit or push another child it's your responsibility to hover and intervene to prevent it if you can. Try to spot his triggers. Is it worse when he's tired or hungry or in certain situations? My DS2 was bad at soft play, but I took him to a music class which he loved and he never hit anyone there. When he was a bit older, I found that the most successful method was, after one warning, take him straight home. This is really annoying for you, especially if you've only just arrived, but it was the only thing that seemed to work. Your DS might be a bit young for that at the moment - he needs to be able to understand cause and effect first.

Hang in there!

[user1477282676]

Please don't ask him to give anyone (even his sister) a kiss as a way of making up for something.

It sends very confusing messages to children in relation to their own body autonomy.

Hitting and kissing don't have anything to do with one another.

If he hits or pushes, remove him immediately from the toy in question and repeat "No hitting" or "No pushing" "Tom be gentle"

It's very normal.

[waitingforsomething]

Thanks AmberEars I'm glad to hear your DS came through the otherside and is gentle now!
It's doesn't seem to be anger that triggers the pushing, he just doesn't like to share a space or large toy. If you ask him to have his turn then give it to another child afterwards, he does that and is pleased to give himself a round of applause afterwards! It is a very knee-jerk reaction in him so I guess it will take a while for him to have the ability to actually think about it first. In the meantime I guess I've a long year or so ahead! When he's a little older I will certainly try going home from the activity as soon as he does it.,

[AmberEars]

Yes, my DS2 was just the same. He didn't seem angry, it just seemed like a natural response for him. That child's in my way so I'll push him out of the way!