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Help Please!

(3 Posts)
user1479246102 Tue 15-Nov-16 21:51:39

My childrens dad and I split 4 years ago, we have a 4 yo boy and 6 yo girl. They see their dad about 5 days a month over weekends.

They are polite children, with good manners and kind hearts. But the bickering of them both at the moment is getting has been constant for most of this year, and looking back its been since my ex moved in with his fiance and her 2 boys. My little boys behaviour has worsened, alot of it comes from school I think. My little grl is starting to backchat me, at 6! They seem to be worse after they come home from being at their Dads.

I seem to be constanty shouting at them, or whinging at them. Im on the triple P course at the moment so I know and have been trying to use that method, but it does not work.

So a typical day is....Kids wake up in the morning and play (trash) their room, mess about in the bathroom, shout...we all go downstairs, I make breakfast, they play (trash) the living room. They sit down to breakfast whilst I go up and get ready for school run/work (im a TA at their school) they throw their breakfast everywhere, on the table, carpet ect and argue about something or other.

I ask daughter to get changed for school, she does....very slowly and even slower if I say we need to go very soon so be quicker. I fight to get my son changed as he needs help in doing so, he runs off after every item of clothing i dress im in. He refuses to put coat on when we are leaving.

At school Daughter is fine, backchats a little but not as much as at home. Son is 'in' with the 'naughty' boys and play fights all the time, doesnt listen to teachers (if im working in the classroom he plays up more)

When we come home its mum can i have as soon as we walk through the door. Its running about, climbing on things trashing the place, fighting shouting. I have tried ignoring it....doesnt help, it ends up chaos....ive tried punishment, no tv, no dessert, no bedtime story....they dont care and literally laugh in my face. Ive tried reward systems...they ware off. Ive tried playing with them joining in....doesnt help.

Their dad doesnt communicate with me, he is controlling, hes told my daughter I dont let him see them....the real story is he asked to have the kids for a night on a school night, he lives 40 mins away from the school and last time he did this the kids were late for school, so I kindly said no and gave him reasons and that is him thinking Im not allowing him to see the kids. Hes said the kids have told him they want to live with him....

I got to breaking point yesterday and said to the kids, ive had enough of shouting at you, I dont want to anymore. You are making me sad because you are being silly and not listening to me, how would you like to live with your Dad?? Obviously they said Yes because they miss him and I am constantly shouting at them.

But he isnt with them everyday, hes the 'fun' parent I do the discipline and the hard slog...he gets the fun bit with them the weekends...I dont know what to do, I am seriously thinking I should let the kids live with their Dad for a while, so He and they can see what its like...

user1477282676 Wed 16-Nov-16 02:57:53

It sounds terribly draining. flowers Can I is their diet? I ask because the behaviour seems quite extreme re trashing all the time...

user1479246102 Wed 16-Nov-16 18:30:09

Diet is fine I think...they have their moments but they get 3 meals a day including 2 cooked meals. plenty of fruit, dairy. Hardly give them sweets or chocolate. never crisp, they dont like them.

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