2 year old hitting 3 month old

[ChorusLine69]

Hi all, I'm after some advice/experience of toddler hitting baby and how to handle it. My son was 2 in sept and I have a 3 month old. He was jealous initially and ignored me when we came home from hospital but then seemed to gradually accept her but last week or so he has started to hit her. I don't leave them alone in a room together but he will hit her ( slap her) in front of me without any warning before I can intervene. I tell him off sternly immediately and explain he must be gentle and not hit her and make him apologise but then an hour later he might do it again. He almost laughs at me when I'm telling him off. Yesterday I tried a naughty step to remove him from situation but it didn't really work as I don't think he understood? Anyone any ideas on what might work? I know I need to sort this asap and be consistent. Thanks.

[AmberEars]

Oh this is a tricky one OP. He's at the age when he doesn't really understand right from wrong yet, although he's just starting to.

How about if, every time he hits, you immediately say NO HITTING and then pick up the baby, cuddle her and walk away from him? So he realises that it results in less attention for him and more for her (it does sound like attention seeking behaviour).

[llangennith]

He's too young to follow long explanations hasn't developed empathy. He's not too young to know he shouldn't hit so just say "No!" and move him away from the baby.
He's jealous of the newcomer and it's normal.
Pay more attention to him when you're all together and not so much on getting him to think how lovely his new sibling is. He's not going to share your joy of the baby I'm afraid!

[ChorusLine69]

Thankyou Amber and Llangenith - really useful and what you both say makes sense and I will take advice from you both, thanks so much for replying

[petitdonkey]

I echo the other posters - ignore the bad (obviously whilst keeping her safe), keep words to a minimum when telling off and praise anything you can - even 'wow, John, you just walked through that door so nicely'. He will take any attention he can for you, even the negative (possibly why he seems so pleased when you are telling him off)

Also, what really worked for me was telling anyone who asked how much DD loved her new sister, whether she was there or not (but especially when she was in earshot) - if he hears you discussing the fact that he is not keen on baby, he will pick that up. Think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy - I clearly remember DD saying 'i love my baby sister' to someone through gritted teeth with a grimace on her face!!!! They honestly are best buds now.

[ChorusLine69]

That's interesting petitdonkey - I definitely haven't been doing that when people ask how he likes his sister - feel a bit stupid as what you say is common sense and I will do that from now on. Thanks for your post, really helpful

[lornathewizzard]

Just to echo the praise about other things idea, I've been trying this with 2.3yr old DD since her little brother came along, and apart from the first week or so, her behaviour has actually been fab (allowing for normal toddler behaviour!). She seems so much more grown up too.