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9 year old girl, anxiety problems or puberty??

(5 Posts)
Karen333 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:54:57


My 9 year old daughter has had a bad few weeks and is showing signs of anxiety.
Long post - sorry!!

She had a day off school because she felt sick but she wasn't actually sick (she said she was feeling sick after eating so I assumed she had a bug) She then went back to school the next day said she felt a bit sick at lunchtime but was OK. The following day I had a call from school at lunchtime to collect her because she was really upset and felt sick again, she came home and wasn't sick but said she was scared of being sick at school on her own.
Next day went back to school and to school disco, my partner was there because he was helping out. She had been there a while then said she felt sick, it was too loud and she wanted to go home, really upset again. No school Friday because of inset day before half term.
Went on holiday for half term, all fine until we went to halloween disco and saw a man in a really gross costume who ran after us (it really was vile, not suitable for kids at all). She refused to go in and was really upset again so we went back to the caravan where she felt really sick but again wasn't sick.
Rest of hols were great, went back to school OK then had a few problems with being told off (never been in trouble before, friends didn't stick up for her) teacher really scared her by shouting and saying if she didn't improve her behaviour she'd be in big trouble, red cards and it would stay on her record into high school. (It is a very difficult class and there was a lot of disruption and I think she couldn't handle it and lost her temper). After this, DD said a word she shouldn't in the afternoon and friend threatened to tell on her if she didn't buy her something.
Of course then DD refused to go to school next day after spending 3 hours being inconsolable the night before worrying that her friend would tell the teacher and she would be in really big trouble, friends aren't really her friends, etc etc.
I had to take her into school, spoke to teacher, she owned up to what happened and teacher said don't worry and admitted she lost her patience with the class. DD still upset and would go back into classroom but did eventually (didn't want friends to see she had been crying) said she had a headache and felt sick but then it went off and friends are all OK with her.
I spoke to her and explained she might be starting to feel different emotions now that shes growing up and that she had proved to herself that she could handle things and she might feel sick but wouldn't actually be sick and that it will pass.
Today due to meet a non-school friend at youth club walked inside, turned round and came back out saying she couldn't go in, really upset again, same thing. Family party this afternoon refusing to go unless we are there in case it happens again!

I have a long term illness and think this might be affecting her. I am going to speak to the teacher again on Monday. The teacher had said she thought it is affecting her learning.

Unsure if its usual anxiety for her age/puberty or a bigger problem (especially because she is starting to avoid things)

Any advice please ????

Thanks for reading!

PositiveAttitude Sun 06-Nov-16 08:27:17

I didnt want to read and run. Sorry I cant give you much advice, but it does sound as if your DD is really struggling and perhaps a trip to the GP would help.
DD1 and DS suffer or have suffered from anxiety and this sounds very much like they are, although they are older. DS had a few appointments with a therapist to talk through things and that really helped him. He also used a herbal thing - I cant remember the name of it, but he would pop a few drops on his tongue if he felt anxious and it seemed to help him.

I would say lots of reassurances from you and don't push your DD into a situation that she is uncomfortable with. DOes the school have a student counselor? If so, that might be very helpful as they would have seen this many times before.

reallyanotherone Sun 06-Nov-16 08:36:35

I don't get why it would be puberty?

It sounds like her problems are very real. Hormones may make her a little more emotional, but all of your o/p sounds like she has something to be emotional about.

Please don't blame a childs worries or upset on puberty or hormones. The feelings are real

Karen333 Mon 07-Nov-16 15:05:31

Thanks for the replies,

I have been into school today to discuss things with the pastoral support person and the teacher is also aware of what is happening, she feels better now that she has some support.

I thought it might be puberty related because the teacher said it could be her age and I have had anxiety problems myself in the past that were hormone related. Obviously it's more than that so I certainly won't be dismissing her feelings.

If anyone has advice about strategies to help her I would appreciate it. She has opened up really well about it all and now knows what to do if it happens at school. We have discussed deep breathing and moving her thoughts to something else, which take practise.

I have a long term illness and am in bed a lot of the time and I wonder if this is starting to effect her,

Thanks again

littlepinkmouseofsugar Mon 07-Nov-16 16:03:27

Could it be something as simple as a recent change in classroom seating arrangements, or a new work partner for a particular subject who is annoying/chats too much or is overly dominant or lunchtime friendship issues/playground politics?

I find these things can really upset my children and teachers often don't realise that an anxious/sensitive/quiet child sat next to a chatterbox/restless/more dominant child can cause the anxious child a lot of stress that - they may not be able to express what the issue is, but it all comes out at home in behaviour and anxiety about going to school.

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