4yr old dreadful tantrums

(12 Posts)
olivesnutsandcheese Sun 30-Oct-16 22:07:56

Kind of at my wit's end with DS. Someone has clearly abducted my angel and replaced him with a no1 sh1tbag.

If he gets told no about literally anything , cue tears, screaming, foot stamping, throwing toys and now oh joy hitting people as well.

He is the youngest in his class and school having started year R this September. I was mentally prepared for some sort of backlash but I just don't know how to handle him at the moment. It's obviously a lot to do with tiredness. He behaves really well at school. I explained his behaviour to his teachers at parents evening and they helpfully told me to suck it up hmm

I have tried doing tea earlier, then bath & bed yet he lays in bed still wide awake calling for me. We've reduced screen time massively. We are thinking of trying a sticker chart but don't know what to put on it.
When he is calm, he is so affectionate, lovely, funny but boy does it all change the minute he doesn't get his way.

Please tell me I'm not alone??

ToBeAChadsman Sun 30-Oct-16 22:14:08

You're not alone. My 4yo DS sounds similar, only he's started to get aggressive in his tantrums. We're just at the end of half term and he's calmed down the last few days but I'm dreading him going back to school and the tiredness and tantrums starting again.

I've been reading 'how to talk so kids will listen' recently and trying some of the things in there, which sometimes seem to help, but he's so unpredictable at the moment.

Afraid I'm not being much help, but it's not just your DS!

HorridHenrietta2 Sun 30-Oct-16 22:30:30

You're not alone!! I think this is a problem that a lot of people face but it does eventually settle. With my 4 year old ds I've noticed sometimes he seems out of balance because he's mentally tired but not necessarily physically tired enough (although play based Reception may still require a more time sitting still and concentrating I think?)
I find that giving my ds a mindless way to burn energy (trampoline, soft play, chasing round a large field like a loon?) helped his behaviour to settle.

Daisiemoo Mon 31-Oct-16 20:14:59

Phew! Im not the only one then! My 4 yr old has suddenly turned into the devil every night at bed time. Stroppy, arguing, refusing to go to the toilet, then screaming 5 mins after going to bed that she's not had a wee! Im going hardcore and ignoring as she is just messing about, however i really need some tips. Is ignoring the best strategy or going up every time she screams from her bed teaching her this behaviour is ok? Im at my wits end!!

olivesnutsandcheese Mon 31-Oct-16 20:25:53

Thanks for the replies, it does actually help knowing that I'm not alone.
I think the theory of mentally tired rather than physically is quite interesting. Definitely going to do some reading up as well. I think I've got Dan Biddulfs raising boys somewhere so might give that a go.
We had a fairly dreadful morning and for the first time DS didn't want to go to school but actually, despite all the excitement of Halloween, tonight has been ok so I feel calmer. Tomorrow is another day and all that.

Felyne Mon 31-Oct-16 20:27:25

Signing in. My Summer born 4 year old DS is a nightmare lately. No advice, just empathy and I admit I'm comforted that it's not just me!

Kmxxx14 Tue 01-Nov-16 06:49:11

My 4 year old started school this year too and has been replaced by a devil child. I've heard a few mums at school complain of the same issues. It really helps to know it's not just your child.

zofranks Wed 02-Nov-16 16:39:50

OMG I am so happy for this post, sorry for saying that but I am. I am having the same issues with my 4 yo dd, I honestly don't know what to do anymore or how to handle her, I have come to work on a few occasions in tears because she is so naughty, she hits, throws, screams, breaks things, spills food just about everything, I feel like giving her a smacked bottom but I know thats not the answer but nothing else works and loads of people keep saying 'it will be a short sharp shock' but it's just not me and I am getting so frustrated & upset & me & the dh argue about how to handle her too - he comes from a family of talk it throughers....

ToBeAChadsman Thu 03-Nov-16 21:40:22

How is everyone's week going? DS seemed to be improving over half term but the mega tantrums have started again this week. And along with the refusal to do anything that isn't what he suggested, it's wearing me out.

flipflopson5thavenue Thu 03-Nov-16 22:49:56

I came on here to post about my stroppy, grumpy, rude 4.3yo DS1 and if he was normal...??!! So glad to read this post! He's also just started school and exhausted I'm sure but I'm still undecided between laying down the law and trying not to take too much shit (most things are a struggle- getting him ready for school, getting him to cooperate at bedtime, getting him to listen or even acknowledge you sometimes - -all I seem to do is talk to the back of his head!) and giving him more slack and trying to ignore the worst of it.
I feel he's just not as happy and relaxed as he used to be and that makes me sad sad I guess school is a really huge change.

ToBeAChadsman Fri 04-Nov-16 08:38:46

That all sounds familiar here flipflops. We've been trying to take a more lenient approach thinking he's having a hard time and just needs to feel loved, but times like last night where he said "But I've been really naughty today so I get to snuggle up in bed with you and DD" (as we'd done on previous days post-partum just to get them both to sleep) makes me think that's not the right approach.

A schedule drawn up with pictures of clocks and the things he needed to do seems to have worked this morning, but that could just be the novelty value.

ToBeAChadsman Fri 04-Nov-16 08:39:26

Post-tantrum not post-partum!

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