7 year old DS saying worryingly thingav low self esteem

[Crazyhorse123]

My son has always been very sensitive and emotional. He can be fun loving and outgoing at home but is quite withdrawn at school, does not like parties, loud noises, new foods, labels in clothes etc.
His hand writing is quite large and he reverses letters and his year 2 teacher suggested an assessment for dyslexia. It came back fine and she did not pick anything else up.
I was given info by a friend on sensitive children which I'm reading and fits his behaviour.
But tonight when putting him to bed he launches into a very self deprecating speech about how rubbish he thinks he is at everything and that he feels he should not have been made as he is not perfect.
His dad and I were quite shocked by this and tried to reassure him of how fabulous he is and let him know we are not perfect and it is not something anyone expects.
I worry about his self esteem. His school is very over achieving and I think there is too much pressure but as he has two siblings one of which has just started there moving him would be hard he also says he does not want to.
He feels that he does not get enough attention from us and he is probably right as have been sleep training his one year old sister and his 4 year old brother is b demanding.
There is a school counsellor but I've been told she is for bereavement and divorce etc.
Don't want him to feel labelled or singled out but really worries about his internal world and self esteem. What should I do?

[BackforGood]

Make an appt to talk to his class teacher. Let her know how he's feeling. See if you can make a plan together.

[Mumofaboy123]

I would ask for the counselling and if they refuse request it through your GP
Does he have many friends at school?

[Crazyhorse123]

Seeing deputy tmrw yes he has good friends

[Mumofaboy123]

How did your mtg go?

[Crazyhorse123]

Pretty well thank u for asking. Deputy felt ds would benefit from one on one with him every week where he plans to encourage him. Also took on board need to encourage more than academic results and take into account while child and move away from concept of perfection to progress

[Dannygirl]

Glad your meeting went well and sorry to hear your son is struggling, it's heartbreaking when they have low self esteem / confidence at such a young age. I wondered whether it was worth looking up sensory integration difficulties, the loud noises/labels/food concerns struck a chord with me (my DS aged 9 struggles with this). There's lots written online and there's a dedicated thread in the children's special needs board on mumsnet. As well as an excellent book 'The out of sync child'. Also how are his gross motor skills (balance/coordination etc)? If he struggles here and also with hand writing it might also be worth looking up dyspraxia to see if you recognise the description in your son. I am not medically trained but my son has these difficulties and your post resonated. May be totally irrelevant for you so hope you don't mind me mentioning it! Good luck!

[Crazyhorse123]

Thank you for that yes he gross motor and balance not great I will check that out. He has been tested for dyslexia came back fine? How about yours?

[Crazyhorse123]

Ah dyspraxia not dyslexia yes will look up

[Dannygirl]

Yes my son has dyspraxia and sensory integration difficulties. Happy to answer any questions if I can help

[blibblibs]

I read your first paragraph and the first thing I thought was dyspraxia. Our year 4 DS sounds very similar and we're waiting for assesments for it.

[Mishaps]

The last thing he needs is an over achieving school - send him somewhere more laid back. The school system at the moment is producing lots of neurosis in sensitive children. You need to either move him or get down the school and tell them that you do not care whether he never counts to 10, but you do care very much that he should feel good about himself. What is the good of sending children out of the end of the education system who have a string of bits of paper but feel bad about themselves? - it is all quite barmy.

[Crazyhorse123]

Yes I totally agree. Looked dyspraxia up and some symptoms sound similar. If the senco assessed for dyslexia though would she not have been aware to look for signs of autism and dyspraxia?

[Dannygirl]

Don't assume anything!! Really depends on your Senco plus in my experience they are reluctant to 'name' particular conditions anyway. Personally I would go via your GP and ask for a referral to the paediatrician or child development centre or similar. It may take a while to get a diagnosis (or confirm its not dyspraxia) but if some of the descriptions ring a bell it's worth putting some of the suggested strategies in place at home, and at school if they will consider it without diagnosis. Brilliant books to read other than The Out of Sync Child - Dyspraxia, The Foundations (available through the Dyspraxia foundation or as a kindle book), also recently I read Caged in Chaos which is written by a young adult with Dyspraxia aimed at parents. Also 100 ideas for supporting pupils with dyspraxia. If you are able to consider private occupational therapy interventions that's might also be worth considering. What area of the country are you in? Good luck and do post back with any questions X

[Dannygirl]

PS on the specific self esteem issue we had exactly the same and it's awful. Obviously we talk a lot about his stengths and talents and how everyone is naturally good at different things, we are all different, that's a good thing etc. But the breakthrough was when I told him about his condition - he was relieved, it explained a lot, helped him understand himself better...it's a lot to think about but there is support out there. Dyspraxia foundation has a helpline and there are some Facebook groups etc which provide great advice. Sorry I know it may not be dyspraxia but worth investigating....

[Dannygirl]

Sorry final thought - is the Senco able to actually diagnose dyslexia? Not sure about that but I don't know enough about it. Worth posting on the children's special needs board to double check

[Crazyhorse123]

Ah ok will go to go thank u so much and maybe talk to Senco too