I'm a shit parent.(4 Posts)
I'm struggling at the mo. My fantastic 5.5yr old DS is brilliant, bright, fun and totally wilful. He says no a lot. A lot. A lot. Did I say a lot? he also says 'I want...' nearly as often. Nor does he like playing on his own at all.
I'm not doing a good job of handling it. Every day I start anew, with bright expectations for another day - or new strategies -, and by the end I've shouted or gone mad inside with frustration. I hear how i react and I hate it. I can't seem to get a handle on it. My husband is much much better. Calmer and more able to deal with it - they seem much happier and easier together. DH is able to coerce him where I fail or get irritable.
I worry DS behaviour is my fault. That i've been too controlling or bossy, and he's learnt it from me. I worry that I get cross. I'm deep in perimenopause and find both my energy levels and frustration points are much lower than ever - although I've always been fairly short-tempered, to be honest.
I'm almost in tears reading this. Honest to god, I see so many other mothers cope better than me. I'm doing a crap job and I can't say I'm enjoying it massively at the moment either.
You're not a shit parent. Let's get that straight from the off! 5yo's push the boundaries, it's what they do. It's not your fault at all. Some of the things they do are the result of that and it's possible he is reacting to your reactions. That doesn't mean you're bad or wrong or anything like that. If he's brilliant, bright and fun that's good!
I would say "reward the positive ignore the bad" is the way forward. And getting some time for yourself to be you once or twice a week. Please don't be sad. Everyone is just winging it.
I've been on Pinterest for some reward/behaviour charts for my 6yo and I'll print those off and address our situation like that. It's a lot of trial and error. But you're not shit!
one really good tip is to avoid asking closed questions....
"please put your socks on " - response "NO"
"please eat your breakfast " - response "NO"
"get in the car " - response "NO"
"yellow socks or blue socks?" - Response
"jeans or trakkies?"
"weetabix or porridge?"
"shall we go to Tesco or the Bakery first"
It's not infallible, and you will still have the odd occasion when you need to insist on something - but it gets them out of the habit
Op I'm shit too, have yelled twice in the last you and I'm now pretending I don't know the ds9 is playing call of duty and dd 18months is shoving Duplo over the back of the settee, I'm sitting watching go jetters with ds 2 mumsnetting and counting the minutes till bath time! I could kill for a g&t.....
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