Need tips on helping 6yo DS manage his reactions/emotions

(6 Posts)
FriedPisces Tue 25-Oct-16 15:47:47

Hi,
DS3 is 6. The past few months I have noticed an increase in the following issues:
Getting overly upset when being told off for unwanted behaviour - wails, runs off and tells us "you think I'm stupid don't you!"
Foot stamping/lobbing toys when asked to share item/get off devices if he's been asked nicely.
Sulking over things that don't go his way.

We have a pretty happy, fairly laid back homelife but with discipline when necessary which will involve a stern voice and maybe sitting on the bottom step if someone needs to calm down. HIs siblings are DS1 who is 10 and DD2 who is 9 so they don't tend to go on the step any more but did when they were toddlers. DS3 will put himself on the step as a form of "self punishment" I suppose. When he gets really upset he threatens to hurt himself (scratching or pinching but doesn't tend to follow through as we seem to have managed that.)
In the past we hae used a reward chart which he responds quite well to, but they tend to be for positive behaviour like getting ready for school/bed nicely.
I guess the question is would a reward chart be a good idea for this and if so how would you format it? I'm having a mental block over the whole thing really as I find this behaviour quite trying.
For background, he is quite a shy child, reluctant to talk to adults and some children, seems to have a big issue with "getting it wrong" so if he knows the answer to a question will still say it very quietly even if it is correct and gets sad/upset if he is corrected. (My eldest son is the world's biggest pedant so will correct everything going). He does respond well to praise and positive reinforcement so I am thinking reward chart, just can't think how to format it.
Sorry it's long, thanks if you've got this far. wink

user1477282676 Tue 25-Oct-16 23:30:12

It sounds like a little bit of anxiety OP. He needs help to manage that rather than trying to manage the tantrums.

I have a DD who is similar...well she was at 6...she's 12 now and still prone to a more grown up version of what you describe but has improved a lot.

I would smother him with positive attention and love and affection.

I would also, rather than a reward chart, look at getting him involved in something he is good at. So whatever he excells at, try to get him in a club...with DD she was good at art and there were no art clubs so I scoured the internet for art contests and she actually came in as a runner up in her first...that did a lot to boost her confidence.

llangennith Tue 25-Oct-16 23:35:23

There are lots of FB groups for sensitive kids and they're very helpful. Google "sensory issues" and "overexcitabilities". Your job is to help your DC to cope with his emotions. It's hard but doable.

FriedPisces Wed 26-Oct-16 18:45:35

Thanks. He is anxious, no doubt about it. I think we'll go for the heaping on positive praise stuff and see how we go with that. I'd love him to get involved in something like tennis or cricket as he's got a great eye for the ball but he's so shy he gets quite upset at the idea.
Thanks for your help smile

minipie Thu 27-Oct-16 10:38:26

DD is also quite emotionally volatile so watching with interest. I've been trying to teach her to take 3 deep breaths if she gets upset (rather than having a strop...) ... slow progress but it does seem to help when she remembers.

Also suggest you could "model" having a go and failing yourself sometimes "oh whoops, I didn't get that quite right did I, never mind, I'll have another go..." so he sees it's not the end of the world? And praise for trying and having a go rather than achievements?

FriedPisces Fri 28-Oct-16 18:47:39

Oh I fail at stuff all the time! And actually you might have hit upon something minipie because I don't have tantrums when that happens but there are times when I don't handle failure as well as I could so I will work on that.
We will get there, I know we will but I just find him quite tricky because he's quite different from his siblings. They've always been so compliant and easier to bend to my will mould.

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