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3 year old negative language and hitting

(9 Posts)
DarkDarkNight Wed 12-Oct-16 23:41:27

I know what that's this is normal to some extent, but my son's behaviour at the moment is really testing my patience. It is several instances a day at the moment, telling me he doesn't love me anymore, he's going to go away, I should go away.He calls me yacky mummy more than he does mummy at the minute.

I am finding it so demoralising at the minute and I don't really know how I should deal with it. I can't reason with him when he is in full flow, saying it is hurtful and not very nice to say horrible things just seems to encourage him. Afterwards if I say again that it hurts my feelings he cries and clings to me and says can we be best friends and he loves me.

He is also slapping and pinching and throwing toys when he doesn't want to do something. I need some strategies to cope because I find it difficult to stop him and his flying arms.

I feel so wobbly about this because I am scared there is something else going on and that he is really unhappy. He reminds me of me when I was little and I spent my childhood feeling unhappy and isolated. I can't bear to think of him turning out like me.

ImogenTubbs Thu 13-Oct-16 21:50:10

This is a tricky one and I'm no expert, but my 3yo is also going through a hitting phase. She just sees red and lashes out. My strategy (too early to know if it's working!) is that rather than just tell her it's naughty behaviours or wrong, to try and help her understand she can express anger in different ways than hitting. I figure at that age she is acting violently not because she wants to be naughty, or isn't affectionate, but because she lacks the coping mechanisms to find another way to express herself.

We're trying shouting 'that makes me angry!' at the moment. I might offer some kind of reward for her successfully saying that rather than hitting. So, no tried and tested methods from me, just an idea! Hopefully someone with more experience can give some more useful advice.

sambababy Fri 14-Oct-16 00:20:40

I'm just curious, has his behaviour gone downhill since his brother was born?

DollyBarton Fri 14-Oct-16 00:28:51

A new brother being born doesn't mean you should tolerate it any more or be any more or less compassionate. I can't see where she mentioned a new baby anyway but maybe I'm blind? In any case I really think it's irrelevant.

OP I think all 3 year olds go through these patches. Try to let it not phase you and give it no weight, so react with a smile and say 'oh well, that's a pity. Now will we play with some playdoh' and walk off rather then making it into a big emitional exchange and see if you get a better outcome.

Don't overanalyse this stuff. You're a great mum and he's just being a normal 3 year old.

DollyBarton Fri 14-Oct-16 00:29:23

Faze you.,.

DarkDarkNight Sat 15-Oct-16 00:20:44

He doesn't have a sibling sambababy

I have spoke to him about feelings, and it being ok to be sad or angry. We have some story books that we read but sometimes it is like a red mist with him.

I have tried the nonplussed approach when he says I'm yacky or he doesn't love me, but he will sometimes start hitting or throwing things which I can't ignore.

happygelfling Sat 15-Oct-16 00:42:06

Both my children have had (or are having) a similar phase. DS will be 3 at Xmas and he is horrible when that red mist descends. They learn self control eventually, I suppose. Things I am trying or tried with DD (now 5) include modeling the behaviour that I want to see (e.g taking a deep breath, staying calm), asking them to use their words, walking away saying that I don't like this behaviour and I'll talk when they've calmed down, asking if they want to go into a different room to calm down, putting them into a different room to calm down, always trying to remain calm and assertive myself (bloody difficult!), saying clearly, "I don't like it when you shout at me"... it takes a while to have an impact but we are seeing a change in the right direction, I think.
Perhaps try having friends over to dilute things while he's going through it.
Good luck with everything!

Mrstumbletap Sat 15-Oct-16 18:36:20

Same situation here OP.

things that have worked for us are: thinking step consistently., has to sit on it for 3 minutes, quietly. Big walk to the park, bike ride, run in the woods etc, to burn off the excess energy.

Don't accept the little swipes, little hits etc, zero tolerance etc. He went straight to his room is he hit me or DH. This time last year he was hitting us loads, he doesn't really hit me now and maybe once a month for DH. Nursery is up and down, but I think 30 kids in a room means he is more hyper and unable to calmly rationalise that he shouldn't hit that boy for taking the dinosaur. It's a work in progress. grin

sambababy Sun 16-Oct-16 01:33:04

So sorry OP! Think I got mixed up with the threads somehow.

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