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10 year old son seems...well...joyless.

(8 Posts)
StirredNotShaken Tue 11-Oct-16 20:59:11

He doesn't get excited about things, holidays, birthdays etc. He has told me he is a glass half empty person (not sure where he picked this phrase up but he asked me one day and I said it doesn't really matter, as long as there is room for more!) He seems happy-ish but he never really gets excited or childlike about anything and I find it really demoralising. I took him to London at the weekend to see the Bear Grylls tour thing and all he did was complain about the train journey and having to walk to the station etc. It is not hormonal as he has been like this for years! He used to be so fun and excitable but now he is so dull!

TheFirie Wed 12-Oct-16 00:51:53

Is it something new or has he always been like this?
Does he spend time on screens?

StirredNotShaken Wed 12-Oct-16 07:29:02

He doe spend time on screens Thefirie - do you think it is related?!

TheFirie Wed 12-Oct-16 08:41:05

Of course, he does, all kids, including mine do, but this comes at the cost of false expectations
The content in the video-games, tv streaming is highly entertaining and exciting. Life in the virtual reality is far more exciting and rich than in real life. And you can change it so easily. A tv show starts to bore you, there is always a new serie round the corner. Everything is fast paced.
A normal book, a normal party doesn't bring the same level of satisfaction.
There are tons of books on this. There are also several initiate like the screen-free week (this means no Mumsnet!) for the whole family to rediscover a slow paced world

The same applies to adults. If I didn't control myself I would happily spend my evenings on Netflix on my own and not speaking to DH.

At the same time, this might be his personality

corythatwas Wed 12-Oct-16 09:48:47

I'd ask the same question as TheFirie: is this a new thing? Because it is very much how I would have described my ds at this age, but it's not what he was like as a small boy, and it's not what he is like now, as a teen.

In his case, I think it was very much about pre-puberty: a mix of hormones and the knowledge that you are going to grow up and you don't quite know what you might grow up into. He went through a phase where he seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and not know what to do about it. It didn't help in his case that he had just been diagnosed with a chronic disorder which might have left him permanently disabled (it hasn't). He was very critical of us (normal stage of development)- I was a horrible tyrant and his father was wet- which didn't serve to lighten his mood either. As a 16yo he seems far more happy to cut us some slack.

He cheered up once he had gone through puberty and got to an age where he had more control over his life.

StirredNotShaken Wed 12-Oct-16 10:05:48

Thankyou both. Do you think he could be experiencing early stages of puberty!'? Sometimes I see a glimmer of the childhood I would like him to be experiencing carefree, silly, uninhibited, joyous etc. But he can be very...well....boring and lacking in enthusiasm for anything!

corythatwas Wed 12-Oct-16 11:17:00

This was the age when pre-puberty struck for ds. And it seemed to hit him a lot harder than actual puberty did a few years later. It was like walking round with our own permanent little rain cloud.

Not saying it has to be the same for your ds; personality or some actual trouble are also contenders.

One thing that was part of it for ds was that he was becoming grown-up enough to realise that he doesn't actually have a lot in common with the rest of the family: he doesn't enjoy the same things and at that age he didn't quite know who he was or what he would enjoy. He has become a lot happier since he discovered more about himself and we have made a conscious effort to join in with a few of the things he likes, as well as occasionally dragging him along to our things. But it took a few years for him to realise that 'it's ok, I don't have to be exactly like them, they are not going to think I'm letting them down'.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Wed 12-Oct-16 11:21:45

Limit his iPad, computer time ect.. Sounds like my db - who is 29 and has been like this since last year primary school.

Won't go on holidays or family meals out just likes his own company hmm

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