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just pulled my sons hair in anger feel so ashamed am so tired

(5 Posts)
neenienana Sat 08-Oct-16 22:04:00

I just lost it with my ds 9 who refused to listen to me and would not leave his brother's room whilst his younger sister 3 was trying to go to sleep after being up all night last night. No excuse but i went from 0 to 100 mph in term of rage, I had no control. literally pulled him out of room by hair. I then sobbed and cuddled him for an hour and apologised but hate myself for having no control. The sleep deprivation has taken its toll and i should probably post in sleep for some help there.

AnotherVeryQuickQuestion Sat 08-Oct-16 22:17:45

You're not alone op. Many parents have been in your shoes. Of course you will always meet the ones who haven't yet but those who have will understand.

Parenting is a journey of one guilt added to another, and sometimes we don't cut ourselves enough slack. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture in the military for a good reason.

I am not the parent I want to be when I am overtired and I live in guilt with my lack of self control and my ability to get the rage when I wouldn't normally.

Obviously the best advice is to tackle the sleep problem so you're not so desperately tired, but I realise it's not always possible, and in my case I am cruelly tired through medical problems which won't go away.

One thing that's helped me is to reframe my logic when dealing with troublesome behaviour of the kids. I realised that if I am a shouty and impatient Mum they will become accustomed to that and tune it out, so it won't even work. They also model my behaviour which makes me feel even worse. So I try to consciously view it differently and remember that a soft answer is often as good as a harsh one; even better actually as it's not damaging. They seem to respond to it as well is what I mean, which negates the rationale for being too rough.

We're not perfect because we're human. Someone once said to me that a bad parent wouldn't care, so the fact you're bothered by it means you don't need to be worried about yourself.

flowers hope it gets better soon for you op.

neenienana Sat 08-Oct-16 22:26:39

Thankyou! you have bought a tear to my eye. You are so right about the tone of voice and being tuned out. i need to think low and deep and it might work. Fingers crossed tonight is better.

Natsku Sat 08-Oct-16 22:41:53

I agree with the PP, if you were a bad parent you wouldn't care about this and you wouldn't be posting. We've all been to the point of despair and done things we're not proud of. You need to forgive yourself and hope to do better, but cut yourself some slack because you're sleep deprived, that shit is torture. I would apologise to your son but also explain to him that you are exhausted (he should be old enough to understand) and that you need his help as a big boy at bedtimes.

Nikki2ol6 Sun 09-Oct-16 08:47:52

I dragged my son off a trampoline last week by his clothes. He was attacking another child and thinks it's funny I'm heavily pregnant and couldn't get on to get him off, well I soon showed him I could!! Anyways don't stress over it they push us to our limits at times

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