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Violence towards baby sibling. Any ideas how to stop it?

(4 Posts)
Finelinebetweenchaos Mon 03-Oct-16 21:31:36

I have an almost 4 yo and an 11 mo. For the first 6-8 months of DD2's life, DD1 was very loving. But recently she has become really violent - constantly pulling her arms and legs (really hard), pinching, hitting and squashing her. She knows it's wrong but even when I tell her off, she carries on!

I can see it's attention-seeking and jealousy causing it and I'm trying to give her more one-on-one time but ironically the more violent she is to the baby the more I have to pick the baby up and comfort her / remove her from the reach of her sister!!

I am trying to be calm and fair in dealing with this but nothing I do or say seems to have any impact and I'm struggling! I find it really hard to get DD1 to listen to me at the best of times!!

Anyone been through this and found any solutions?

Sleepybunny Mon 03-Oct-16 22:31:17

Have have children of the same age and we've had a few incidences where DD1 has pushed over DD2 or snatches away anything DD1 tried to pick up.
I love them both equally so much but the sad little sobs from the youngest utterly break my heart! It's hard not to swoop in constantly and over react.

DD1 doesn't listen to me much either at the best of times. When she does something to physically hurt her sister, I move her out of the room to the hall.
She understands why I put her there and accepts it most of the time, but it doesn't stop the behaviour.
I usually try to anticipate when DD1 is looking for trouble and move DD2 somewhere to play to keep them separated.
Trying to spend one on one time with each is impossible. DD2 is a Velcro baby. When DH is home I try to do stories and bedtime with DD1 and if I get some time in the day I play with her, give her little tasks/missions to do.

It's hard, I have no advice sorry. But I'm here if you want bang your head off a brick wall with me.

Finelinebetweenchaos Mon 03-Oct-16 22:48:43

Thank you!

I guess it's normal behaviour... I have total Velcro baby too - which really doesn't help!

Good idea to remove DD1 - must try to do this when I see she is heading in that direction. It's often when she is tired and grumpy but knowing that doesn't help me stop her!

Playitagainsam Fri 07-Oct-16 13:18:53

I have a 4yo and 1yo and it's a struggle sometimes. I saw a book recommended on here called Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber, I've just started it and it makes a lot of sense. It gives you an idea of how the eldest is feeling and how to let them safely express their unhappy feelings without physically hurting their sibling. I'd recommend it if you feel as clueless as me about it all!

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