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11 month behavioural help!

(2 Posts)
Newdadtobe Sun 04-Sep-16 19:59:05

Hi All,

Where do I start, I'm the dad and I'm looking for some advice on what to do about our 11 mo preferring me over mum. However frustrating it is for me it's heartbreaking for mum so I don't feel I can really lean on her at the moment so I'm hoping someone has some good advice.

So a bit of background. Our baby didn't ever get the hand of breast feeding so my wonderful wife has spent 11 months expressing exclusively for our daughter. I'm saying this because most of the posts on the forum mention the preferring of mum or dad and it seems to come down the amount of time breasfeeding. So just to be clear my wife has had 11 months at home looking after our daughter and apart from bedtime and overnight (when she was younger) has bottle fed her every meal.

Baby will happily play with mum all day everyday and most of the time when I'm there in the same room. However she will whine and whinge for me to pick her up first and always reach for me if she is being held by mum and I'm nearby. As I work 9-5 I understand that I'm going to be seen as a rarity and therefore she might want to see me when I get home, but her behaviour is more than that.

My wife's theory is that she only ever has play with me as I'm always free and available whereas she is doing chores in the day and can't always give 100% attention. I've tried to be concious of this and I've tried not picking her up as much and explaining to her when I' busy doing chores and that I can't play. I thought this was helping but we've just all had a weeks holiday together where she has seen me for the same time my wife and we've shared playing/chores, and she has just had huge screaming fit before bed because I was outside hanging up washing and couldn't play with her. I'm at a loss on what to do.

I hope someone has some good advice our there

WeAreWhatWeRepeatedlyDo Sun 04-Sep-16 20:51:04

I think the best thing you can do is not focus on it too much. Children go through phases of wanting one parent over the other.
My son was all for me for the first year then until about 2 was all for his dad, wouldn't hold my hand, wanted dad to do bedtime, it's now switched back to me.
My daughter tends to be closer to me, she's 2, but sometimes she looks at me and say, don't want you, I want my daddy. Children are fickle. I really wouldn't read too much into it as it's likely to change many more times in the future.

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