Ds (10) won't go to sleep - help!

[ChoudeBruxelles]

He's driving me mad. For months he's been a nightmare going to bed, generally does everything he can to drag out cleaning his teeth etc then when in bed he will kick of fif we don't stay with him

I've done nice mum. Talked calmly, tried to find out what's upsetting him, bribed him until last night dh and I had enough and refused to stay with him. Dh lay with him and had a chat for about 15 mins. All kicked off - screaming, shouting, crying. Like he was a toddler having a tantrum. He finally went to sleep about 2am.

I'm so tired. Plan to just stick to our guns and ignore any further tantrums but any other advice

[Testarossa1]

At the moment you're sort of indulging his behaviour by staying with him/talking to him/ bribing him etc. He knows that screaming, shouting, crying and generally putting on a performance gets a reaction and response from yourselves and delays bedtime. At 10 years old he is perfectly capable of understanding why we need sleep, rest etc. Do you restrict screen time before bed? I have heard that this can affect the body's ability to 'switch off' for sleep.

I think there are 2 ways of tackling it. One would be to literally ignore the behaviour, how ever much he kicks off don't respond in any fashion, if he gets out of bed or his room just quietly and firmly take him back to it, you may have to repeat this 20 times or more, but be consistent. He will eventually get the message that the performance of it all isn't worth it. That may take several days, at the age of 10 he will probably cotton on to what you are doing and may 'up the ante' for a bit, but if you can ride out the storm he should improve.

The other way would be some sort of reward system for having a good night/staying in bed/not fussing etc whether it be a reward chart with stickers, or marbles in a jar, when he gets to a number of stickers/marbles agreed by both of you, he gets a treat, new toy, trip to the cinema, whatever floats his boat really. You might feel he's too old for that.

The key to both is consistency really. Good luck!