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3 year old - beyond argumentative with everybody about everything

(11 Posts)
user1464795209 Thu 18-Aug-16 06:59:51

So my first born is 3 and 9 months old - 4 in November . I can honestly say he is such hard work. I've tried to just brush it off as normal for so long . I worry about stuff and then I google and find some people thinking the same and relax for a while and then I worry again. Story of my life.
Basically he constantly is defiant and argumentative . This doesn't just happen now and then it's literally all the time . If I say for example 'I loved swimming today '
He will say 'no you didn't you hated it '. If I say 'i feel hungry ' he will say 'no your not ' etc etc . You get what I mean it's over absolutely everything I say . I try to ignore his behaviour but he's so moody with it too . He sits pouting his lips waiting to argue with people for.l a reaction and it's making things so unpleasant . We went on holiday with my family and my nephew who is the same age and it's left me feeling really concerned as all my LO done was argue against everything my nephew said or done . 'Shall we play' .. 'No I hate playing ' .. 'I'm so tall
Aren't I ' .. 'No your really really small ' .. This was 24/7 .. My nephew was loving life and happy whereas my son spent the entire time sulking for no reason at all and screaming At me over anything and everything. I feel like I've gone so wrong . Is this something more worrying than just an extremely stripy argumntaive 3 year old ? How do I deal With this behaviour ? Ignoring it hasn't helped much

TooMinty Thu 18-Aug-16 07:26:43

Sounds like he's being a threenager. My DS1 is the same age (4 in November). He is much better now but still has bursts of being like this or having tantrums over ridiculous things (eg foot stamping, shrieking and tears because I went down the stairs ahead of him...). I try to be as neutral as possible but it's hard work! I must say "use a nice voice please" about a million times a day... I'm hoping he will grow out of it soon, although I expect it will coincide with his younger brother starting that phase sad

ChipsCheeseandIrnBru Thu 18-Aug-16 07:37:44

My son is two and a half, maybe he's hit it early? He argues over everything. I think it's for two reasons 1) for him to use his new language skills 2) for him to practice exerting control in his own wee world. But my word, sometimes it really grates on me. I never would have spoken to my parents like he speaks to me. My mum sits like shock when she hears him. There comes a point when I actually say, "right, no more whining, that's it, use your kind voice, my ears are fed up listening to a whiny weasel." He'd argue black was white and it's always everyone on his terms. Not now, in a minute, after I've finished, once I've done this, if I get a biscuit, if I get a marshmallow, if we go out.

(Worst one yet - I want to take mummy's car, not daddy's car! Screamed blue murder on the driveway. First world spoiled child problems, it struck me how blinking lucky he is in his life and he doesn't realise it)

Ellieboolou27 Thu 18-Aug-16 21:01:06

My just 4 dd is the same! If I ask if she's had a nice day (knowing full well she has) she will say "it was horrible", she has to be the first, the fastest, the tallest, it's hard work, she is super strong willed and defiant and I do worry how I will cope when she gets older. She has had a lot of change in the past year, new sister, house and nursery, but I feel this is more of a personality / behaviour traits, it seems to be about getting attention and reactions. Can't offer much advise but o do know where you are coming from. A good book called playful parenting has helped a lot.

Sgoinneal Tue 23-Aug-16 00:14:11

Bumping this because u could have written the OP. My 3yo would literally argue about his own name at the moment. Any suggestions welcome - I'm going to look up that book. Good to know I'm not alone!

WombOfOnesOwn Tue 23-Aug-16 16:05:31

They are trying to figure out how much language can change the world. does a contradiction make the truth change? It can be useful to actually talk about this explicitly and when you aren't already frustrated. Tell your kid that saying the opposite of something doesn't make it so. Then play a game to "use up" this idea and line of behavipr. When you play the opposites game, you say, the goal is to say the opposite of whatever you say. After you play it a few times and make your kiddo giggle (you also have him say things and then you say the opposite), from then on, when he starts this contradiction stuff you can say, "ooh, we are playing the opposites game! That bird over there sure is QUIET." If he sees that there is an outlet for this impulse and a fun way to explore it, you are likely to see less of the behavior in inappropriate situations.

Sgoinneal Tue 23-Aug-16 16:31:35

that's a great tip womb, thank you

R3ALLY Sun 28-Aug-16 21:40:13

Just happy to read this because I have that kid! 4 in October and still capable of full on tantrumming if things aren't going his way. He will argue over which shoe goes on which foot... Non negotiable stuff... Will walk around with the shoes on the wrong feet rather than admit he is wrong! None of the psychology works - he will say 'I don't want to be a good boy!' 'I don't want treats ' if we try punishment. Even stays in time out rather than apologise!! I'm thinking there might be a career in politics ahead if he makes it past 5...

user1464795209 Mon 29-Aug-16 21:16:45

Thanks guys ! Great to see I'm
Not alone ! We've just had a day at the zoo and he argued about everything. Apparently we weren't at a zoo it was a park.. He didn't like the animals and then had a fit when we tried to levee the play area to go and actually look at what we went to see .. The animals !!
I said to him
'Oh look how tall that giraffe is ' and he said 'he's not tall ' ... Oh and the flamingos weren't pink !!!

user1464795209 Mon 29-Aug-16 21:17:41

What are your kids like with other children ? Mine does the arguing and strops with my nephew also .. I've stopped meeting them now as I'm embarassed !

TooMinty Mon 29-Aug-16 21:25:50

He's generally better with other kids, especially older ones - unless he is tired. I wouldn't stop hanging out with your nephew, no need to be embarrassed it's a normal phase...(I hope it's a phase anyway!)

When my DS is in a contrary mood I tend to just agree with him and move on e.g. "Look at those nice pink flamingoes" "they are not pink, they are blue!" [stamps foot] "ok they are blue. I'm going to look at the giraffes".

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