Toddler lying about being hit(7 Posts)
I'm at the end of my tether with DD, just turned 4.
She keeps saying people are abusing her and I'm heartbroken i don't know how to deal with it.
So far she's claimed her DF scratched her back, her DGF smacked her leg, her DSF strangled her and today screamed full blast in a shop that I'd grabbed her by the shoulder and it really hurt. People looked at me like I was a child beater!
I was there for every "incident" except with her DGF and none of these things happened. And it's always when she's being told off about something else or asked to do something she doesn't want to do.
I'm terrified she's going to say something at school and get me into serious trouble but she can't seem to understand how awful it is no matter how often I sit down and tell her that it's dangerous to lie.
Speak to school when she returns. Explain. I worked with a child like this once, in a school context - school wrote a risk assessment for child and organised sort of counselling. Child did grow out of it... x
I had this earlier this year. It lasted months. Essentially we repeatedly told her off for doing it - but the day she seemed to get the message was the day she had a full on hissy fit and I eventually snapped a bit and told her that if she carried on telling lies about being hurt no one would want to play with her and one day when she really was hurt I wouldn't believe her.
Not my finest moment, but it has at least tapered off since then.
I wish I knew a better solution.
How do you react?
She is obv getting something from behaving this way? Do you shout/time out/give her lots of attention?
I would totally ignore at home and calmly say "dd that did not happen. it is not ok to lie" and change the subject but absolutely tell school about it.
They may be able to offer other strategies.
another option is read her to boy who cried wolf?
At first when she said her DGF had hit her I decided to believe her because she had no reason to lie I thought, so she did get attention from that of me saying I would never let anyone hurt her and cuddles. It wasn't until she accused my partner of strangling her but i witnessed the entire thing that I realised she was lying.
So if we're at home I would send her to time out or if it was really bad (screaming and lashing out) I'd send her to her room. Although she mostly does it in public places in front of other people which is terrifying She does visibly look around to see if anyone is staring. In those cases she gets picked up and taken to the car (only because she won't walk and has accused me of dragging her across concrete when she decided to drop to the floor whilst I held her hand) and she will hit, scream and cry hysterically the entire way until she finally gives up and slumps in her car seat quietly. She will only say sorry if you say she can't go to the toy shop, soft play or have sweets (we'd normally do one of the three on a trip out) and if you say it's definitely "no" she screams the car down again I've no idea how to effectively deal with it to be honest
Will definitely tell school and purchase the boy who cries Wolf to try and get the message across
Oh I also sit down with her when everyone is calm and explain how it's really wrong and could get someone into a lot of trouble but she doesn't seem to understand just how much trouble. However I'll be the first to admit that when in happens I'm on edge, not shouting or anything but definitely flustered
That's the pay off for her I guess.
Be Calm. Totally blank face, monotone voice.
It's hard, and I understand why you are so upset.
But give her NO attention, negative or otherwise for this behaviour.
Do get the book...or read it online...I think it might help.
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