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3yr old won't be punished

(10 Posts)
YourNewspaperIsShit Sun 14-Aug-16 09:24:50

Really struggling with discipline and frequently end up shouting as a consequence sad I never start off shouting but my DD really winds me up. I feel like a banshee.

If she doesn't listen or do as she's told then gets two warnings, then will get the naughty step for 3mins. I always follow through and if she talks or anything (which is every time) then I add another minute on. She doesn't kick off though she just acts like it's not a punishment and carrys on trying to talk/sing/bang things on the wall so the neighbours hear until I have to pay attention to stop the behaviour.

If I send to her room she will scream "oww oww that hurts" at the top of her voice so everyone can hear sad Even though I haven't touched her. I was beaten as a child so it really upsets me.

And she will leave her room every few minutes to say sorry, because she thinks once you say sorry you don't have to be punished anymore. Even though I've never "let her off" with a punishment. I'm at my wits end. Saying "Im so sorry mammy I love you so much" but with a wicked look on her face and I know she doesn't mean it is what winds me up the most.

I think these are things picked up from her grandparents she sleeps there 2 nights during the week as her dad lives with them and is worse when she gets back, but they don't like me and won't change how they do things

catkind Sun 14-Aug-16 09:40:51

This is one reason we didn't use time out till DS was older. We'd have spent so long teaching him to sit still the focus would have gone completely off whatever actual lesson we were trying to teach.
DD got time out at that age, not that we needed it more than once that I can recall. DS just didn't.
What sorts of behaviours are you having time out for? Is there something more immediate you could do instead? For example if they throw a toy, that toy gets put away. The most dire consequence ever for DD was leaving gym class early once at around 2. She was talking about it for weeks and shared beautifully from then on.
Your DD sounds charming and irrepressible. I don't think not being squashed by the concept of punishment is a failing in a toddler. It's not you vs her with discipline, she's on your side, she just needs help to learn appropriate behaviour.

BarbLives Sun 14-Aug-16 09:44:25

'Punishment' for a 3 year old seems a bit much! And adding minutes on to a time out for talking???

What kind of things are you punishing her for? I don't really punish mine, I try to make sure there are consequences for bad behaviour. I do send them to the stairs or their rooms sometimes if we all need to calm down but strictly timing and expecting silence seems a too much.

dementedpixie Sun 14-Aug-16 09:48:10

You don't add on time for talking. If she is staying where you put her then that's what matters. I only used it for really bad behaviour too. Maybe you need another strategy

YourNewspaperIsShit Sun 14-Aug-16 09:56:52

Yes sorry maybe punishment was a harsh word I just mean discipline techniques for when she's naughty. Like if she hit her baby brother or pulled the cats tail or something. Although it's rare, actually the behaviour that she does the most is banging intentionally, but not like you would bang a drum but like stomping or throwing things (but definitely on purpose, I like standing on the spot and jumping up and down not playing though) and because it's upsetting the neighbours I'm really sensitive to it

YourNewspaperIsShit Sun 14-Aug-16 09:57:36

I've never been around kids til I had them so I don't honestly know how to tackle when they're naughty on purpose

YourNewspaperIsShit Sun 14-Aug-16 09:59:24

Sorry by 'talking' I meant saying things to upset the family on purpose not just trying to have a conversation

BarbLives Sun 14-Aug-16 10:02:43

Stomping, jumping up and down - I'd distract her into doing something else rather than seeing it as a discipline/punishment issue.

Toddler and baby is a tough combination and really you can eliminate a lot of the problems by never leaving them alone together and being there to prevent any violence. I would send to room/time out for hitting but don't get hung up on silence or sitting still or timing it. If she wants to apologise then that's great, try to get her to make amends with her brother too.

corythatwas Sun 14-Aug-16 11:28:25

I think you need to train yourself to not react too much. When mine were this age (and it is a difficult age), I found it helped me to concentrate on what I wanted to achieve, rather than how I achieved it.

If dd did what I wanted her to, but with a horrible expression, I still counted that as a win to my discipline. If I had to lift her away or remove an object from her, but the result was that the undesirable activity stopped, I counted that as a win. The end result was the same: at the end of the day decade dc learnt that mummy generally gets her way, so you might as well stop bothering with the fighting and the surly looks. Basically, it's about doing what you have to do but trying not to resent it.

YourNewspaperIsShit Sun 14-Aug-16 11:45:37

That's great advice thank you both, I think you're right I do tend to react to what she does, almost as if it's personal because we're alone together all the time and it feels it. I can honestly say when we're out and about we don't have the same issues, I'll definitely be changing some of my ways I think I've been winging it anyways so grateful for any advice on how to be more positive with it all

A bit of psychobabble but it's probably because I was disciplined so severely that I've never witnessed proper discipline of a child

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