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3 year old crying

(6 Posts)
PeppaAteMySoul Wed 20-Jul-16 17:06:19

My son cries when I tell him off. He gets really upset and when I ask what's wrong he says "mummy shouting at me. Mummy angry." I don't shout- just use a stern tone of voice if he isn't listening to my calm requests to stop jumping on the sofa for example.
I always cuddle him and tell him that I love him but I'm mad because he's not listening but I'm wondering if that's the right way to approach it? Part of me thinks he cries more because he knows he's going to get the cuddle and attention is shifted from his bad behaviour. But I don't want him to be upset either if it is genuine.
He is very well behaved most of the time so I'm not stern with him often and when I have to be he quickly stops whatever he was doing wrong. I guess my question is, is it okay to be firm even though I know that can upset him?

PalcumTowder Sat 23-Jul-16 07:21:56

I would say yes, it is ok to be stern even though you know it will upset him. He needs to understand what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't. My nearly 3 year old is similar and I think it's actually a good thing - they know they have upset you with their behaviour and they feel bad.

If he's using it as a tool for you to stop being cross with him then the worst thing you can do is never be cross with him! Just continue as you're doing - make it very clear that you love him and he's a good little boy but sometimes his behaviour is not good and that makes mummy cross.

AmberNikSee Sat 23-Jul-16 20:50:08

I agree with the above post!

Hopelass Sat 23-Jul-16 20:52:39

Also agree with the above. My 2.8yo DS is exactly the same. I also do the same as you OP.

Glitterspy Sat 23-Jul-16 21:02:58

My DD Is 3.5 and cries buckets - not if she's told off she's used to that but when she doesn't get her own way or is told to stop watching tv doing something she's enjoying.

Sometimes it's real tears and I try to help her manage her frustration. Sometimes she's absolutely roaring and its "crying because it feels good" or "crying because she likes crying" and I call her out on that. She will agree that's what she's doing and she stops fairly quickly. I encourage 3 deep breaths to calm down and suggest something else to do together immediately.

What I don't do in this scenario is let her tears derail the point I'm making. Once she's on an even keel again she gets lots of love and is told I'm very proud of her for handling that so well, well done that was the right thing to do, etc.

Glitterspy Sat 23-Jul-16 21:05:47

I also agree with Palcum - children do need to understand how far they can push before you do genuinely get cross. We have lots of patience but there have to be limits. Often "do you want me to get cross?" Is enough. (By the way I steer away from making my child feel responsible for my emotions, hence not "you have made me sad" or "you have made me cross" just "I will be cross" (semantics I know...)

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