Is this normal?(11 Posts)
My 19 month old is makinng our lives a misery. The screaming and general miserableness (is that even a word?!) has been happening since around 6 mo but it is now much worse. We have been to the doctors on numerous occasions thinking he is ill, at one point, we were going weekly as we were convinced something was wrong. Nothing is wrong.
The best way to describe him is extremely angry, physically violent and very emotional all the time.
he seems very different other children his age although I know everyone is different, his behaviour in general, good or bad is very different to any child I've ever met.
I have had a high tolerance until now and start every day as a new day and each morning I am as happy, fun and bubbly with him as can be but I have got to the point where I sometimes dread him waking in the morning.
As soon as he wakes up he moans and then screams, kicks, bites, hits, slaps etc at anything and everything. sometimes I cannot even physically change his nappy or get him dressed which sounds ridiculous.
It is making us all very miserable. He has been this way since he was 6 mo. As a baby he screamed CONSTANTLY wherever we went, whatever we did, there was no pacifying him and in the day he would stay awake for hours and hours on end no matter what we did to get him to sleep. We tried every trick in the book and enlisted the help of grand parents/friends/relatives with no joy.
Since he started crawling, he has genuinely not sat still for more than 5 seconds. Even restrained in his high chair (if we can get him in it) he sits furiously shaking his head from side to side, kicks, screams and throws his food all over the floor EVERY meal time and he will eventually undo the buckles and try to escape. Just Watching him is exhausting.
Getting him into his car seat takes all my strength.
Everything is a constant fight. We have tried every tactic from distraction, trying to make him laugh, tickling, diverting his attention, raising our voices when telling him 'no', shouting and pointing my finger at him, and I have now resorted to tapping his hand which hasn't had any impact. He does not care.
His behaviour outside of home is even worse and there is no stopping him. We don't even go out as a family anymore as his behaviour is unbearable.
Family members no longer visit due to his behaviour and both sets of grand parents have admitted that he is 'too much' for them.
We are letting a toddler rule our lives.
Sorry for the longest post ever but has anyone been through similar and how did you deal with it? We're currently trying time out in his highchair but I know he doesn't understand.
I feel we have become 'those' parents with the out of control child.
Does he eat and sleep well? Or badly?
What did the doctors check for/ask about?
Is he in childcare at all and what do they say about him?
It doesn't sound normal and it sounds very tough. Assuming there isn't an "obvious" reason like he only sleeps 4 hours a night, then I think in your shoes my next step would be to book an appointment with the HV, take some videos of DS and emphasise these are not "bad moments" but constant, and ask if you can get a referral to a paediatric team.
Thanks for your response. He sleeps very well, he's usually in bed for 7pm and wakes around 7am. He has a fantastic appetite and would eat constantly if we allowed him to.
He's not in childcare, he is at home with me 7 days a week. We have recently tried a few sessions at our local nursery for 1 morning a week to see if it would help but he hasn't enjoyed it so far. The staff say he's reluctant to join in and just wants to be held by them constantly but that will get better with time obviously.
I have been contemplating contacting my HV for sometime and you have confirmed this for me.
That does it sound like it is in the range of normal behaviour.
I would be investigating development problems like ADHD, ASD etc at this point.
I think you need to ask your Dr to refer you to a child development paediatrician.
Have you had his hearing checked? This sounds so much like my son, turned out he had severe glue ear and could hardly hear, making him frustrated and confused. And so very angry and hard work.
Please do contact the HV, I found they were much better than the GP when it comes to stuff like this.
My DD was a high needs child, and your DS sounds harder work than she was!
One question - what are his nappies like? Any signs of a food intolerance? (strong urine or diarrhoea) if he has an intolerance he could permanently have a tummy ache. Is his weight and growth average for his age?
I second the hearing test and speaking with your HV or GP. Is he making any moves towards words yet? Does he understand you when you say certain words or phrases?
Sorry things are so tough...could be a whole range of things, but my first thought was also are there any signs of food allergy which could be causing him pain and affecting his behaviour, especially with history of constant crying as a baby. My son has cows milk allergy, and lots of parents of children with allergies say their bahaviour really deteriorates when the are reacting. All the best.
I just wanted to let you know that we took our lb to the gp after several of you mentioned food intolerances. The gp is certain that he has a milk/dairy intolerance and we are currently waiting for a consultant referal.
After 24-48 hours of excluding all milk and dairy from his diet, his behaviour improved dramatically.
After several weeks of excluding it, his behaviour has 100% improved. He is a completely different little boy. He is so loving and happy and a joy to be with. He is no longer 'angry' or frustrated and no longer tantrums and whines at everything. It is honestly like he has had a personality transplant!
We have even been told by friends and family that it is lovely to phone and actually be able to talk without hearing our lb screaming in the background constantly. Family and friends have all said that whenever they visited there was never a time when he was not screaming or moaning and behaving terribly and that it was unbearable.
We strangely seem to have more visitors now and more invites!
THANK YOU all so very much for your help. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be going through hell! We feel half human again and are actually enjoying weekends as opposed to dreading them. we have even been on several family outings with out having to abort mission!
Ps he now only does 1-2 dirty nappies a day instead of the 10-12 constant dirty nappies he was doing daily which has helped our sanity and bank balance enormously!
THANK YOU ALL
Ah this is lovely to read through. so pleased for u as a family. although really your GP should have picked up on this before? so disappointing!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.