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Severe separation anxiety 14 month old

(2 Posts)
redjumper Wed 13-Jul-16 19:21:13

My 14 month old DS has a terrible time separating from me. I returned to work 2 months ago, three days a week. Whenever we left him with his childminder he cried almost the whole day. In the end the childminder felt it wasn't working and asked us to find elsewhere. DS now goes to nursery and the problem continues just the same. We've been called to collect him early so many times. He does play on occasion but then starts looking for us and becomes inconsolable again. I'm on the verge of giving up work as I can't see any other way round it.
Everything I read online is simply reassurance that separation anxiety is normal. My health visitor also just gave simple reassurance and the usual tips about transitional object etc. But surely this can't be normal, for two childcare settings to be unable to cope and for me to actually be unable to work. Has anyone been in this situation? Is there anywhere that can help? Has anyone actually given up work because of this?

mikado1 Wed 13-Jul-16 19:39:06

It's normal alright and peaks at 12 months..

I would suggest small trips out for you, from home, so a quick walk, trip to the shop etc. Always say good by and have him see you leave and return. What is he lije if you leave the room, go upstairs? Games like peekaboo and hiding an object and retrieving it will help him with realisation that invisible is not equal to gone.

I couldn't cope with what you've described either. What kind of settle in periof did you have? For ds1 I visited a few times for a play/chat and tgen left for 10mins, for an hour, for a nap etc It's worth a skow settle. Another tip id to get laminate photos of carer to look at and talk about at home. You also need to give off the vibe that you're happy with situation to let him know it's ok, he will sense if you're nervy. Once he's reaching for his carer for comfort when you're leaving, you'll know at least he has formed some attachment but it's very upsetting that they appear unable to comfort him. I think you might have to go back to square one and start the settle in again. Best of luck flowers

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