Angry, defiant 7yo. What to do with her?

[rhetorician]

A lot of the time she is fine, if often slow to respond to requests. She has dyspraxia, but has made good progress this year. But she cannot cope when she is told no, or when plans change. If this happens at the end of the day we get shouting, rudeness ("Im not listening"), stamping, throwing. I've tried taking things away (screen time, trips out), but she cannot connect the punishment with the behaviour, or actually control the behaviour once it starts. I ignore as much as I can, but since school holidays it's getting pretty intolerable. She needs more sleep but I can put her to bed but I can't make her go to sleep. I find it very upsetting that she is so disrespectful, but it makes me worry about her future. Any ideas or suggestions? We have clear, but basic rules, although we probably need a bit more structure (my DP wouldn't be very keen though!). I am tired of it, and would like to have a more harmonious home life where everyone had a nicer time, including her.

[coco1983]

That sounds like hard work. As you said yourself punishments aren't really working because she can't stop herself, it's genuine emotion. I'm sure you already do things like keeping late afternoons as calm as possible and trying not to change plans to stop her getting cross. Are you able to talk to her about it when she is calm? It sounds like as a family you need a strategy in place to calm her down when she gets like this, and she probably needs to be involved in thinking what the strategy is. Should she go for a short walk and calm down? Watch her favourite video for 10 minutes? Does she want hugs or want to be left alone? I'm sure she doesn't like feeling like this either, and you need to make it clear it is having an impact on the family when she behaves like this, and you will support her in finding a way to manage it.