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Worried about DD10-long, sorry. Need some perspective/advice

(14 Posts)
OrganisedNot Sun 03-Jul-16 14:56:42

Sorry in advance for this being long but I want to get as much detail as I can in. After some reassurance/advice perspective on DD10's development.

Firstly I'll start off by saying she is uber friendly, very chatty (to the point of not stopping for breath sometimes!), kind, thoughtful and loving. She can also be defiant, head strong, persistent and argumentative (but only to her brother).

All normal I'm sure. But what I can't shake is that she appears not as 'grown up' as her peers socially. She has good friends. I've noticed when they are together that she doesn't seem to 'get' what they're saying. For example, one of the children was talking about Malala, the girl who was shot by the Taliban and how she inspired her. DD didn't understand inspired, she just giggled and carried on playing. Later when they were discussing war and the 'bad people who are not real Muslims' she didn't understand either and just got the wrong end of the stick.

I don't know whether she appears normal to her peers but I suspect not because she tells me how they sometimes have told her to 'stop going on about things'. Recently it was her birthday and she incessantly told everyone she saw in the run up to it. It's like she's always 100mph.

Often when I have answered a question she asks me again even though I've given her the answer. She doesn't stop and think before talking and she often says inappropriate things and interrupts adults for hugs and to tell them her news.

She hugged the dentist three times the other day because she liked her. She isn't ever quiet. There is always something going on. She gets bored easily and gets distracted very easily.

She is struggling at school. She is average for literacy but behind for writing and maths. She loves reading. We have had an EP chat to us (H and I not together, he left very suddenly in April) and his conclusion was that she is not in the right headspace to concentrate at school due to attachment issues. This of course is devastating for me because I feel I have let her down with how I've brought her up. Obviously her dad leaving has had an affect but she was like this before, perhaps worse now. She seems him 2-3 times a week. I am strict but loving. I think I do too much for her, this could be a contributing factor, maybe I am enabling her immaturity?

I feel silly because I want her just to be happy and not have to grow up too quickly. But then I can't help comparing her to her peers and worrying.

She needs to complete tests for entry to secondary and it worries me such a lot about how she'll do and which school she'll end up at. I feel that she has slow processing speed but because she's not been formally accessed. For example, if I ask her what 10-8 is she knows it's 2 but she takes ages to answer! It's like there is a barrier in her brain and then it suddenly unlocks, just really slowly!

If you got this far, thank you!

OrganisedNot Sun 03-Jul-16 15:59:06


OrganisedNot Sun 03-Jul-16 17:15:37

Bump again

llhj Sun 03-Jul-16 17:21:17

She sounds a little immature but nothing massively out of sync. Is she invited to friends' houses and parties?

llhj Sun 03-Jul-16 17:22:25

That's a drastic diagnosis from the EP too. Not sure how realiable I'd find that, how long did he spend wth her?

OrganisedNot Sun 03-Jul-16 19:02:44

The EP didn't spend any time with her! He only chatted to us alongside the SENCo and went through a form that had been filled in. We were promised a review in the summer but nothing's happened yet and there's only 3 weeks to go until the end of term.

Yes she is invited to parties and friends' houses regularly. Has a close group of friends.

llhj Sun 03-Jul-16 20:12:01

Well if she has a close group of friends, then that would put my mind to rest slightly. As for that 'diagnosis' I can categorically reassure you cannot diagnose such a disorder without actually seeing the child. Extraordinary. Just gently encourage her to mature by talking to her etc. Does she know the facts of life? Any sign of her period starting?

OrganisedNot Sun 03-Jul-16 21:07:03

Thanks so much for your replies. We've discussed periods and she sometimes brings it up, she seemed to accept that quite well. I haven't talked any further though so maybe that's the next thing to do. No, no signs at all- she is very slim with no buds or hair or anything. Mood swings sometimes.

llhj Mon 04-Jul-16 19:47:14

Why does she need to take entrance tests? It doesn't sound like selective is for her?

OrganisedNot Tue 05-Jul-16 08:51:36

Not entrance tests, sorry. It's a banding test actually, to group them according to their ability

oldbirdy Tue 05-Jul-16 08:59:45

It sounds to me like a cognitive assessment would be helpful to get a profile of her learning strengths and weaknesses. It does sound as though there may be a processing issue. What reason did the school give for contacting the EP? Unless there was a sudden deterioration in her that corresponded to you and your partner splitting up, and that was the only reason school contacted the EP, then I really don't get where he was coming from with his 'headspace' idea.

llhj Tue 05-Jul-16 21:26:11

Well banding not too bad the as she'll not be under exceptional pressure. I do think though that it's worth getting all your ducks in a row before secondary so that if there's a specific need it's been identified and a plan is in place for support. Ask to see inclusion leader again I think.

VioletBam Wed 06-Jul-16 00:52:53

My Dd is 11 and wouldn't particularly have much to say about issues like terrorism either....and my DD is quite mature. She's not comfortable discussing things like that.

The talking non stop...DD also has a friend like that...she just accepts it as do her other little mates. But at this point I would try to moderate it a bit yourself...and the hugging is the most inappropriate thing you've mentioned. It's unusual for a child of ten to hug someone like a dentist. Have you told her it's not really on?

OrganisedNot Thu 07-Jul-16 01:13:08

Yes I do tell her about the hugging. I do believe there is an issue there with her security. Almost as if she needs to hug in order to feel secure and wanted. Essentially, an attention thing. I give her lots of love and I believe she feels secure with me but I don't know why she does this behaviour.

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