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How do you deal with your child always wanting one parent?

(9 Posts)
JustABigBearAlan Wed 29-Jun-16 11:12:40

My 2 year old always wants me at night time. He's always been a poor sleeper so it's not unusual for him to still wake up in the night sometimes. When he does he wants me. If dh goes in to him his cries turn into screams. I also have to put him to bed. Dh does stories, but I have to be there before he sleeps.

My eldest was exactly the same. As he wants me, I always end up being the one to settle him again. Last night I had an important phone call and ds woke up whilst I was on the phone. Dh tries to settle him but after about 15 minutes of screaming he gave up and I had to take over.

I think we're now both frustrated by this. I feel annoyed that I can't take a business call without being interrupted and dh says he can't settle ds.
If I'm not here, then apparently both dc are fine.

Any tips on what we can do?

waitingforsomething Wed 29-Jun-16 14:24:17

I will probably get flamed for this but with DD we just didn't tolerate it. She would try it around 2 years old but dh would settle her no matter how long it took. She cried for me, he would cuddle her, kiss her, read to her, sing to her, whatever until she realised that he could look after her too. After a few days we never heard any more about it and she's 3.7 now. If she expresses a preference we say it's not for her to decide, and it's mummy/daddy's turn today.
Ds is not quite 1 but dh will also settle him whenever it is his turn unless he is sick.

Newtobecomingamum Wed 29-Jun-16 19:00:20

Totally agree with poster above. Do not tolerate it, may take strength and time but will be worth it in the end! Great advice above

JustABigBearAlan Wed 29-Jun-16 21:41:11

Thank you both for your advice. My instinct is to do what you've said. The thing is dh tends to give up easily and says he just can't settle ds. It's hard because as soon as I go in ds is fine. So in a way I'm not the one dealing with the screaming. You've both confirmed what I've thought though - dh is just going to have to get on with it.

Newtobecomingamum Wed 29-Jun-16 23:08:03

Yes he does. It will take time and patience. He needs be firm and stick with it. It's not fair on you. Once your children accept it, it will be such an enjoyable quality time with their dad.

Numberoneisgone Wed 29-Jun-16 23:10:16

I was the one with the boobs there was absolutely no contest but like the posters above we did not put up with it.

madmother1 Wed 29-Jun-16 23:11:19

Could you go put one evening and then your DH has to settle your child?

madmother1 Wed 29-Jun-16 23:11:34

*OUT

AliceInHinterland Wed 29-Jun-16 23:24:16

In our house it's my partner who is preferred and I would say a couple of things.
Sometimes my partner needs a break in the evenings so I'm perfectly happy just to ride out the screaming while sympathising with my son that he is really sad that his dad is not putting him to bed tonight, but he loves him and will see him in the morning (matter of factly but not coldly). Your partner is possibly just confusing the issue by giving up. My limited experience suggests toddlers are happier/more secure when they know that you will see something through.
The other thing is that the more time I spend with him in the day the happier he is with me, so your partner could consider making an effort to spend one on one time with him doing fun stuff.

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